engine engine #9

web comment of the day

2011-09-16T03:16:00.009-04:00

One of the greatest things ever isn't the fact that news can be shared instantaneously via the internet, it's the fact that websites think its a good idea to add a comments section under all their new articles. In the hopes of getting people to interact and further discuss a topic, comment sections usually spiral horribly downward and become a virtual public restroom bathroom door wall. It's awesome.

Here's my favorite for the day on ESPN, a seemingly sweet article about the rejuvenated Buffalo Sabres having players and the owner hand deliver tickets to season ticket holders. Instead in this excerpt you can see poor A.J. Burnett gets slandered for no good reason:

Ricardo Roman: "how about the Steinbrener family come to my home and deliver me some Yankee tickets"
TML954: "Maybe AJ Burnett can deliver them for you"
Sabrefan6248: "Burnett would deliver the first 4 just fine and then blow up and deliver the rest to the wrong houses"
MattSiF: "That's just messed up, and I don't even like the guy"

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PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2011-09-12 (Japan)

2011-09-12T00:01:00.000-04:00

Download by right-clicking HERE or...

[2:17] Jail La La - Dum Dum Girls

[4:33] Always Forever Now - U2

[8:00] Billie Holiday - Warpaint

[11:08] Subterranean Homesick Alien - Radiohead

[15:16] Shelter (John Talabot Feel It Too Remix) - The XX

[21:20] I Want Freedom - Chris Joss

[23:16] Yoshio & the Guitar - DJ Yoshio

[24:26] Eye Know - De La Soul

[28:14] The World (Interlude) - Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi

[28:53] Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

[32:45] Pumped Up Kicks - Foster the People

[36:36] Beautiful - Yura Yura Teikoku

[40:17] Floating Vibes - Surfer Blood

[44:05] Act Like We Do - National Skyline

[46:50] Halcyon (Tom Middleton Re-model) - Orbital

[53:33] Symphonies - Dan Black

[57:01] Ok - Talvin Singh

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2011-09-11T22:06:00.000-04:00

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Desis Overheard

2011-08-31T16:00:00.008-04:00

Location: Kyoto, Japan. On a tour of Nijo Castle, the Golden Temple, and the Imperial Palace
This family of three was on my tour, when I heard this gem of a conversation:

Auntie: This is a lovely garden
Uncle: Yes, it really is. You know Sonia used to be a gardener
Auntie: She was not. She was a landscaper. That is very different
Little boy: [silent]
Uncle: But what she did was still quite good, right?
Auntie: You would know.

Late on the little boy claimed he had tried beer once ("as a little kid") because the dad gave it to him. The dad then told him not to tell lies as the boy proceeded to describe a very plausible scenario of being able to have a sip while the dad had been watching TV. The dad then told him to lower his voice even though it was already low and that it was actually root beer and the boy was very wrong. Given the earlier "Sonia Incident" the dad seemed leery of his wife.

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Tokyo, I can see Russian from here, & Koji

2011-08-27T12:13:00.005-04:00

So after a year I’ve finally decided to take a holiday. Well I was told to take one by both the folks who work with me (“you’re always here, you should go away”) and by my vacation days left this year… counting days not taken from years past I had 39 days this year… I’ve only taken 2 of them. So in the hopes of using 37 days (or at least 10-15) by year end I pulled the trigger. So here I am on a flight to Tokyo where a rainy, muggy, foreign land await. At least I’m avoiding the that’s going to flood my home. We’re currently over Alaska somewhere in our grand Mercator-projector-looping flight path

On the way to the airport I felt this urge to email my desk, joke around with them, and generally see how they’re doing. I struggle between feeling like I shouldn’t always be around and wanting to be the person that I normally am and that those above me when I was younger rarely were. Maybe there’s a reason for why they seemed distant at times and seemingly went out of their way to be friends. Maybe. Or maybe there just were incapable of being normal.

My plan upon boarding the flight was to grab my entire side of row 24. I of course am parked at 24L, the window seat, an aesthetically pleasing seat for the takeoffs and landing but strategically terrible for the intermittent 14hrs. namely I’d have to ask someone to wake-up/get-up/stop eating in order to use the bathroom.

But that’s a risk I was am (was) willing to take because there wasn’t anyone sitting in the seats next to me. Bingo. 3 seats which would be perfect for laying out and sleeping on. Who needs first class when you can pull out a stunning economy maneuver. If I was a great literally character this would be on par with the Lepellier Maneuver (from John Knowles “A Separate Peace”), a cunning patented move. But I’m not and it isn’t.

Enter Koji. Koji is the 8yr old who’s parents decided to hop on this flight and fuck up my plan. So much for a whole row, now I have my crummy window seat. That being said the kid is damn cute, waves at me every 10 minutes and over the course of the last 8 hours generally likes to know what I’m doing, why I’m sleeping, and what I’m watching. It’s because of Koji that it’s taken me about 30 minutes to write the last 3 sentences.

Koji: “What are you watching now?”
Me: “Nothing really, just some weird comedy (ThankYouMoreYes – quite good actually). You?”
Koji: “I’m watching Up, it’s one of my favorite kid movies.”
Me: “What’s your favorite non-kids movie?”
Koji: “I dunno, I don’t watch too many of them”

He may win the award for the best stranger I’ve ever sat next to in a flight… he basically knows about every player in baseball and hockey. He was able to name 5 players off the LA Kings roster (so you know he’s a good kid) and seemed to generally think my idea of putting a seatbelt on his teddy bear and playing the “The Fantastic Mr. Fox” (he synchronized the bears movie with his viewing, so they could watch it at the same time) for the bear’s entertainment was a somewhat funny.

Koji and his family (mom, dad, and little brother Yuki) are traveling to Japan because his grandfather has cancer. I’m not sure if he fully understands what that means because 1) he didn’t seem too fazed by it while telling me and 2) I’m 4 times his age and I barely understand what it means. Sweet kid. He wants to be a goalie.
4 hours until we land.

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Mike Fratello = Lt. Harris?

2011-05-01T13:44:00.003-04:00

Is NBA analyst, and anointed czar of the telestrator Mike Fratello really Lt. Harris from Police Academy?

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is Gulshan Grover the brown Nicholas Cage?

2011-04-23T13:29:00.004-04:00

The funny thing is that only one of them has a fake tan...and I'll give you a hint, it's not the dude on the left.

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Genres

2011-04-22T01:03:00.000-04:00

One of the things that I take great pride in is being anal about organization...and there's no place better to demonstrate it than organizing music. It baffles me to no end when I look how my friends organize their iTunes library and see everything put about in a slipshod manner.

I mean people have music under genres like "rock," "alternative," and "hard rock." This is terrible! How the hell do you find anything? Worst yet, how can people tolerate it when the same artist has music falling in different genres? Look I think U2 has changed its sound over the years, but that doesn't mean it's not all still the same genre.

I spent a while thinking about the most efficient way to break up music in the categories that I care about....while preserving the ability to add new genres that may pop-up (e.g. mashups)

So with that I give you the breakdown in the picture on the right... broadly speaking it's filed as follows:

1) White music
2) Brown music
3) Black music
4) Dancey dance
5) Instrumental type stuff
6) World music (French pop and French hip-hop should never be confused with actually being pop or hip-hop music)
7) Movie related stuff
8) Stuff I made
9) Comedy

Blammo.

And then under each category you can put your numerous subcategories.

There, and that's how you make a blog post that's aimed to be informative but in actuality masks an unhealthy amount of analness.

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the cricket world cup, my dad, & the Indian victory

2011-04-05T20:25:00.006-04:00

I don't like to write personal things on this blog, but I sorta felt compelled to after this past weekend...

***

The last time India won the World Cup (as literally every Indian knows) was in 1983 when it was held in England. At the time my dad, a lifelong cricket fan living in Minneapolis with his wife and two young sons, was given the serendipitous opportunity to go on a prolonged business trip to London.

The stars were aligning for dad.

He'd been living in America since the late 1960s and in the pre-internet days his only means for staying in touch with cricket team he loved were international newspapers in public libraries, word of mouth from fleeting phone calls, hours pouring over the the Wisden Cricket Almanac (which always just seemed like a boring fat yellow book that would only make cameo appearances in random boxes whenever we moved). Can you imagine being in England at exactly the same time the cricket World Cup was taking place? Sometimes work and your personal life can intersect in a positive way.

Dad declined the offer.

He felt that the opportunity was unfairly given to him because there was a colleague who was overlooked by his seniors because of internal politics. Dad stayed in the US, the other guy went to England.

Fast forward 28 years and dad and I were watching the cricket final in my cousin's apartment with a dozen or so friends. We were streaming the game through the internet and had it linked up to a nice big TV where everyone could watch in relative comfort. With the exception of the video stream having buffering issues throughout the 8 hour match (oh Willow TV...) there really wasn't much more you could ask for (the mid-match dosa run was also helpful). Heck this beat past World Cups where my friends and I would gather in cramped Manhattan bars, sitting on painful stools, while people walked in your way. The difference was like between flying Air India economy class and Kingfisher Airline’s first class.... or well...any class not on Air India.

Dad pretty much sat in one chair throughout the match and was in anguish for a good deal of it. A strong Sri Lankan finish to their innings coupled by a poor Indian start made our festive 5am party seem like a dour 9am funeral procession. My perpetually optimistic and religious dad seemed to be losing faith. It looked one more chapter was being written in the book of disappointing Indian sports, politics, and cinema events.

But slowly the tide started turning. From the depths of despair the Indian team moved us to cautious optimism, then to pained delight, and finally the brink of euphoria. And through all that I was sitting right in front of my dad.

Through thick and thin my dad had tried to find a ways to follow his team throughout the years. The internet of course was huge towards his cause. When I was in high school we had dial-up connected to the house computer, located in the bedroom I shared with my brother. Dad would sit on the computer all night to follow the text bowl-by-bowl summaries. It's one thing if you're following last few minutes of an important European soccer game that's not on TV by reading one line summaries of play. I still do that today on occasion. But it's a little bit different when you're following the 2nd day of the 3rd Test of some random cricket tour. For 8 hours. In the middle of the night. That’s a bit nuts. This dedication of course was of little consolation to my brother and me. We hated the whole thing because the pitter patter of the keyboard and the small desk light made it a difficult to sleep.

In 1983 my dad couldn't even see the matches, let alone read the play-by-play, let alone really know what's happening on a daily basis. I mean yeah he followed the improbable championship run, but he literally didn’t get to see it. And now in 2011 he was watching everything happen again. For the first time.

You know the rest, through some brave and steady batting, the Indians finally won on an emphatic sixer by captain M.S. Dhoni. The apartment with about a dozen of us viewers exploded, players on TV were crying...and... well amidst all that I was starting to feel this weird saline stream on my cheek.

It's a funny thing to cry during sports. I've cried before during games, so it's certainly not my first time. When dad and I attended a 2006 world cup soccer match between the US and Italy in Germany I started tearing up during the US national anthem. During the 2010 Summer Olympics I started tearing up when Michael Phelps won his 7th gold medal. I'm pretty sure I cried during the LA Kings hockey team's playoff run in 2010. I know I teared up at old Yankee Stadium when the Yanks beat the Red Sox in the 10th inning of game 7 on a walk-off homerun in the 2003 ALCS. And here I was crying again.

Unanimously each Indian cricketer said they had won this match for Sachin, but I was tearing for dad.

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so close, and yet...

2011-03-28T22:31:00.003-04:00

[West Indies batting versus India]

...so far

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Libya, Gadhafi, revolution, drugs, & NRI's

2011-02-24T18:05:00.019-05:00

This from CNN:

"Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi blames the violence in his country on young people, who he said are taking some sort of pills and being exploited by Osama bin Laden."

Frankly it sorta sounds like something my mom would say if she were an intolerant dictator. Well, now that I think about it, it sounds like my mom.

Honestly, I can't make up anything funnier about this Gadhafi quote... but I'm gonna give it a go (insert applause here).

I wonder where one gets these protest drugs? Seriously, what if Gadhafi was right? What if people were generally okay with his rule but somehow some crazies got a hold of drugs and they were ruining the country for everyone?

I think it is our duty to try and sort out what drugs there people are on. Now there's only one problem, I don't live in Libya, I don't know anyone who does, and I don't really want to go there for the sake of hard hitting investigative journalism.

Well, I suppose we can work at it through a process of elimination.

1) Stimulant or Depressant?
Okay so if you're taking a drug that makes you want to go out and fight for your right to have basic social services, jobs, freedom of speech, and the right to vote there's a very good chance that you're not on downers

Downers may make you angry, but you're highly likely to sit at home and club a baby seal versus organizing friends, family, sympathizers to protest the government

I'll take stimulants for $500 Alex.

2) Which Stimulant?
Alright Watson, let's do a quick rundown of the common stimulants and see which fits the bill. According to Wikipedia there 9 types of stimulants: Caffeine, Nicotine, Amphetamines, Ecstasy (MDMA), Coke, NRI's and NDRI's, Modafinal & Adrafinal & Armodafinil, Ampakines, and Yohimbine

I could research more but it's just too much work to hit "next page" on the Google search pages. Only Page 1 searches for me. Remember the olden days when you would routinely look at like 10 to 15 pages of search results on Yahoo until you found something mildly relevant to your to search topics? Have we become that impatient in only a 10 year span? But I digress.

To the cloud!...

a. Caffeine
Well it's the most widely available and common stimulant which makes it an interesting drug. The problem is that I'm pretty sure the people of Libya have had access to soda for a few years and it didn't exactly excite them to do anything before. I'm not sure why that fact pattern would change now, unless Pepsi Max is really that amazing (and yes I did just put the link to the Pepsi Max twitter page which for some reason has over 8,000 followers)

b. Nicotine
Have you seen people in Europe, North Africa, and the Middle East before? These people have smoked like chimneys for centuries. Ain't no revolution goin' down because of Camel Turkish Blends.

c. Amphetamines
Well they give elevated mood swings and cause euphoria but then have an after effect of depression and anxiety. Hmm... well in Libya you have a scene of protests and excitement along with elements of violence when people are just frustrated (or hooligans). This seems to be an interesting fact pattern where amphetamines could explain that full range of behavior. This makes the short list.

d. Ecstasy
Listen, I don't exactly know what the scene in Libya is like from a first hand perspective, nor have I ever been there before. But I do know this, it's not exactly like a rave is taking place on the streets as far as I can tell. There may be music, but there ain't no dancing. If were on E there would be a lot more protesters wearing pacifiers. Look at this picture, I don't see any pacifiers. Next!

e. Cocaine
This is Libya, it ain't Hollywood. Next.

f. NRI's and NDRI's
This is weird because Wikipedia's list now starts to include categories and drugs I've never even heard of before. When I saw "NRI's" my first thought was Non Resident Indian s the term for Indian citizens who no longer live in India - like my parents were when they first came to America like 40 years ago. The funny thing is that if someone told me that a bunch of awkward Indians were causing confusion in Libya I'd probably believe them. It's a pretty solid fact pattern. But alas these are a different sort of NRI's. A drug sort.

Well NRI drugs are used by people for a variety of reasons rangings from depression and fatigue to bedwetting and obesity. Hmm. An oppressed people suddenly coming alive and potentially peeing everywhere? We could have a winner. Let's put these on the short-list.

g. Modafinal & Adrafinal & Armodafinil
Ummm this sounds trio sounds like a terrible law firm. Well basically they're used to treat sleep disorders. Let's see... a sleeping body politic who are now awaking the the 21st century with Modadinal!... This sounds like a stretch. If anything Libyans would be happy and mellow if they were abusing Modafinal and getting a good night's rest for once. Why protest? Next.

h. Ampakines
Say what? This is a new one for me... but according to Wiki it's helpful for alertness without nasty side effects like massive addiction and post-high depression. It's big in Russia. Hmmm this may explain why people are marching in the streets, but not why they're being violent. If people had a sorta constant happy buzz you'd think they would just go to the park and play ultimate frisbee instead of bringing down a decades-old dictatorship.

i. Yohimbine
Contrary to popular belief, this is not the 2nd largest suburb outside of Tokyo. Apparently it's used as a treatment for both sexual dysfunction and Type 2 diabetes. In animals (and humans). Hmm, there's a cheap and pathetic joke waiting to be maid here... waiting...to...be... made. Wait for it... wait for it...

I'm pretty sure Libyans aren't having problems mating with sheep. Ah, there it is! Next!

3) The Short List
Well that pretty much leaves us with Amphetamines and Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (NRI's). I don't really have a good way of determining which is the winner other than perhaps checking what the availability would be like in Libya.

Ideally you'd need a drugs which is available now but wasn't available before. This would fit Gadhafi's foolproof theory perfectly. After all it would be odd if the cause of the violence was a drug that was always available to the masses before that suddenly and inexplicable surged in popularity.

Okay, so let's do this scientifically:
- when I Google "amphetamines + Libya" I get 491,000 results
- when I Google "Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors + Libya" I get a paltry 14,500 results.

NRI's sounds new to me based on the fact that it doesn't have a lot of connections made between it and Libya on the ol' Googlebox.

Now sure most of these search results in both cases don't have anything to do with drug use in Libya, but that's besides the point. When it comes to humor never let the facts get in the way of the punchline.

4) The Winner: NRI's
Congrats NRI's! You win! Through the use of the process of elimination and the science method we can why it is the drug that Gadhafi is surely targetting. Let's summarize our results.

Gadhafi's Thesis: Drugs are causing people to protest in the streets

Symptons:
- High excitment: Surely do to a stimulant drug
- Violence seems to follow excitment: Indicative of a drug that has a "downer" period post "high"
- Relatively new drug: Some drug which wasn't on the scene before but is not playing a part

Cause: NRI

See! Science and Gadhafi can be fun!

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Why are escalators always broken?

2011-02-23T21:54:00.003-05:00

I don't ask for very much, I really don't. Give me a TV with cable and you've pretty much satisfied all my nightlife and entertainment needs for the better part of 3 days to 6 months.

But the thing I don't get is why are there escalators that are seemingly always broken? During my morning commute it seems like over the past 10 year, at least 1 of the 3 escalators is perpetually in need of repair. Why?

I mean it's not rocket science, heck we have placed people on the moon. Why can't we get moving walkways to work?

I suppose someone is gonna now that I should just use stairs, because those never break. Well you know what, you're an ass for even mentioning that.

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Chick Corea - scientologist

2011-02-21T16:12:00.001-05:00

It's funny how sometimes many random life events seem to interact out of nowhere and weird connections are made. This sorta thing used to happen all the time in college and now...well... let's just say I'm generally happy when random things don't interact in my brain.

Several weeks ago I went to see jazz pianist great Chick Corea in concert. Now I could lie and tell you I knew about him and his place in history, etc etc etc... but I didn't.

I got free tickets and so I went. Simple. Now as it turns out Chick is a big deal. The performance was being presented by Wynton Marsalis and everything*

*I'm not quite sure what more "everything" implies. But it fits.

It was a lovely performance, mostly of old works that I had never heard with allusions to old I scantly knew. Weird highlights included Chick Corea's wife, or as I call her Corea's chick, making an appearance to sing one of the numbers.

Well so when the show ended I thought that was the end of my run-in with Mr. Corea. Well that's where I was wrong. Last week's edition of the New Yorker had a random article about scientology and the general ridiculousness of it. Good stuff, really. Well in the meat of the article it went through the origins of Scientology and its run-ins with the law.

WELL I was shocked to hear a story about some random court case in Portland where Scientologists gathered to protest some case....and in the middle of it, a concert by Scientologist Chick Corea! Whooooooa Nelly. Chick and probably his "angel wife" were crazies in the head!

Chick Corea is a Scientologist!

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the F-bomb on 60 Minutes

2011-02-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

During last night's epsiode of 60 Minutes there was a feature that Anderson Cooper did on Lady Gaga. During portion which showed footage from her live show, this frame appeared....

Okay, just a guy dancing, right? Nothing crazy... unless you look at the sign behind the dancer. which lights up to say "What the fuck have you done?"

Well, there it is, in bright lights. Nothing like seeing the f-word associated with Gaga followed up by Andy Rooney talking about being old.

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Chuck Person & Kermit the Frog

2011-02-13T19:31:00.001-05:00

One of the funnier things about cartoon characters and/or muppets is that many of them have the type of animal they are as a part of their name. For example their Yogi Bear and Woody the Woodpecker and Porky Pig. This of course doesn't mention the fact that nearly every muppet has their animal type in their name: Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, and Miss Piggy (her first name of course is never revealed)*.

So I started thinking that it would be pretty funny if humans were like that. You know, having friends called Billy the Human or Becky the Human.

But than it struck me, we have a few such people in the world. Former Indiana Pacers forward, Chuck Person. In fact even Danny Manning is close too. Hell, Mario Van Peebles is pretty damn close.

So that's my thoughts on that issue.

*notable exceptions to this rule include Gonzo.

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Maryland from a train

2011-02-12T08:33:00.001-05:00

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Mother Nature is a wanker

2011-02-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

This pretty much sums up English weather at all times throughout the year...in history...and in the future.

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Do they...

2011-02-05T23:23:00.000-05:00

... have $5 foot longs at Subway locations outside of America? Or are they constrained by the metric system?

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"Employment needed to assure economic recovery" ... no shit Sherlock

2011-02-04T18:32:00.003-05:00

So I was sitting at work when this headline crossed through the wires (the top story in the picture below), "Bernanke Says Faster Employment Gains Needed to Assure Economic Recovery."

How is this considered breaking news? Isn't that kinda obvious.. if not redundant? It's sorta like saying "warm weather needed to end cold spell" or "wins are needed to end losing streak"

Why does someone need to tell me that employment is needed to assure recovery? What else is there in a recovery? For most people increased employment is what determines economic recovery. So basically he said that you need employment in order to have employment recovery.

Way to go Bernie

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downtown Manhattan this morning

2011-02-03T23:11:00.001-05:00

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Egypt in Crisis (tm)

2011-02-02T01:09:00.000-05:00

I know how to tell when something is history making.

I don't need political scientists to tell me.
I don't need news commentators to tell me.
I don't need friends and loved one to tell me.

I know something is history making when it is deemed worthy by news stations to have its own logo and graphic.

Today Egypt has earned it's stripes. Egypt, a land in the cradle of human civilization, is now ready for Prime Time. The Crisis in Egypt has received the honor of getting an on-screen logo.

CNN we salute you for saluting Egypt.

The simple but sharp logo incorporates elements of Egypt's flag, standard CNN-issue block font for "Egypt" and the cracked "crisis" font. When you see the cracked font, you know something is serious. It symbolizes tension, angst, danger...something which Arial font can't quite capture.

It's even something the old font stalwart Times New Roman can't even touch.

Over the coming days we shall chart other Egypt logos as other networks grant historic legitimacy to the events transpiring in the Middle East.

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downtown Manhattan tonight

2011-02-01T20:25:00.004-05:00

from my living room...

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big Rolex or Target wall clock?

2011-02-01T20:22:00.007-05:00

So I was watching the Aussie Open Final this weekend and a few things struck me:

1) When did Andy Murray switch from being sponsored by Fred Perry (God Save the Queen!) to Adidas (silly Germans)?
2) When was Murray's last haircut?
3) What's the deal with the Rolex clock in the background?

Now the first two are pretty straightforward. It's hard hitting straight forward analysis. The last one is a bit of a jokey joke... because everyone understands why there's a clock there.

Tennis events like all sporting events have sponsors for every little thing (the official car, the official tire, the official soda, etc. etc) and Rolex is of course the official timer of the Australian Open.

So far you're probably reading this wishing you could get get the last 15 seconds of your life back. Nothing groundbreaking so far. But this is the question:

Is it a real Rolex clock?

Seriously, is it a very big version of a proper Rolex watch with all the inner workings and gears and whatnot that people pay so much for to grace on their wrist? OR more weirdly, is it just some weird random generic clock that's Made in China which just has a Rolex-like dial and says Rolex?

Think about it, Rolex probably paid millions of dollars to be featured so prominently in every game and on every TV screen, so it's not some random product placement.

If Rolex just put some phony bologna watch isn't that pretty disingenuous? Like wouldn't Rolex want to properly represent themselves with a real clock?

What would happen if the fake big clock, probably bought at an Aussie version of Bed, Bath, & Beyond - which un-ironically is actually a Bed, Bath, & Beyond - breaks? Does Rolex want to stake their reputation on this? On the other hand, do they really make super big watches? I doubt it.

Anyways, I was thinking about this a lot and then Andy Murray lost in straight sets so I changed the channel to QVC and moved on with life.

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two things...

2011-01-31T00:17:00.000-05:00

1) If dumb people and athletes weren't allowed to have twitter my nightly viewing of news and SportsCenter would result in actually watching stories about news and sports.

2) I think I missed the memo where people now feel okay about casually driving through red lights. Red is the new yellow.

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video games imitating life imitating video games

2011-01-30T00:18:00.007-05:00

I was watching the NHL skills competition and then remembered seeing this video from a little while back...

Basically it's a junior hockey team from Canada which celebrates their wins like the characters from EA Sports' epic video game NHL '94. The players celebrations after wins was essentially guys holding their sticks over the heads with both hands and moving them up and down. It was especially funny to watch people skate in all directions (backwards and forwards) while stuck making this pose...

Big props to #3, defensemen Brandon Underwood, for doing the backwards booty shake.

This one is pretty awesome and the Kamloop Blazer's website even has the reaction to the celebration as one of its top stories. Dude, when you're a Western Hockey team and you're getting 140,000 hits in less than a few weeks on a 30 second posting of your celebration, you know you're doing something right.

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the illadelph

2011-01-17T23:37:00.006-05:00

Part of my MLK weekend where I had a nice little day trip. If you're looking for a city to kill a day in, Philly is your city. After spending about 24 hours there there is nothing which makes you wish you had a few more hours there.

Nopes.

Philly gives you all that you can handle in one single day. Any more and you start wonder why it feels like a dump if you move more than 10 blocks away in either direction from City Hall.

New York feels like you barely got your feet wet in one day. You're actually doing yourself a disservice by only going for one day.

Boston has too much history to be capture in one day.

DC will always leave you wanting to go to one more museum or memorial.

LA will.... well.... you'll probably spend most of your day in traffic so by definition you need more than a day.

Philly, on the other hand, will leave you wanting for your train ticket, Bolt Bus pass, boarding pass, or car keys after one day.

There are nice restaurants, nice places to spend a few minutes (e.g. Rittenhouse Square), decent shopping blocks, the token college bar hangout spot (Old City), but after that...well... don't hold your breath.

One of the best summaries of Philly comes from Hockey Hall of Fame goalie Ken Dryden, in his book "The Game." While Ken was referring to Philly's hockey team in his blurb, you can feel his view of the city is captured in the passage as well:

I don't like the feeling I get in Philadelphia. It is a hollowness, deep and disturbed, as if something is about to happen that I don't want to happen but can't stop. Before the day's end I feel threatened and physically afraid. I will hate fiercely (and admire). I will scream and curse, and get angrier than I ever get. In victory, I will gloat. Then slowly the hollowness will return, and I will be left to wonder about feelings I didn't know I had, about the nature of what I do, about things I never wonder about at other times. Only the Flyers do that to me.

And there you have it. Now clearly I went to Philly under my own volition - and it does have its moments. The thing is that all those moments can be quickly digested without the need for wanting much more. Sorta like a 10 piece Chicken McNuggets. Philadelphia, give it a day and you'll be happily along your way. Philadelphia, now less relevant than ever. Philadelphia, where the only thing they're #1 in is artificial cheese sandwiches.

I should work for Philadelphia's tourism board.

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Chinese mothers, my parents, and the Wall Street Journal

2011-01-11T11:31:00.006-05:00

There was recently a pretty funny article ("Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior") in the Wall Street Journal about why Chinese moms approach child-raising from a different perspective than Western moms. Essentially the author tackles the expected issues: forcing kids to study hard, not accepting bad grades, frowning on sleepovers at friend's houses, being forced to play an instrument, etc., etc

Now early on the writer, Amy Chua, makes the comment that many of these same Chinese mom traits can be applied to Indian families too. So with that I felt a few important clarifications needed to be made with my experience versus the one Chua writes about. So here are some key observations from my perspective

- I don’t think I was ever prevented from going to sleepovers, but I didn’t exactly go to many. I can count the number I went to on one hand. So it’s hard to tell whether my Parental Units were “normal” or if it they only “seemed” normal because I never really pushed the envelope. It’s sorta like in college… one of the sadder things was seeing how many kids were basically “informed” by their parents what their major would be (mostly the pre-med kids). When I told them that my parents never once questioned my major they thought it was pretty cool. And it IS pretty cool I think, but this is the thing: I wanted to major in economics and poli sci. These aren’t exactly controversial majors the parents have arguments about.

- As a corollary to the sleepover issue, I did have a seemingly unreasonable quasi curfew of 10pm (basically the time when The Parental Units started getting annoyed if I was still out). In high school I finally realized the sleepover/curfew arb (namely no issue with sleeping over, versus annoyance of staying out late) and I frequently claimed I was sleeping over at my friend Jason Woolman’s house down the street. When I would return home at 2am under the premise that “I wanted to just sleep in my own bed and wake up in my own house” it was actually weirdly endearing to my mom. I’d actually win bonus points for coming home in the middle of the night.

- Technically speaking my parents always said we’re happy with whatever grade you get, as long as you try your best.* The important disclaimer is that apparently “my best” was always getting an A.

- I don’t know how to play an instrument but randomly like 2-3 years ago my mom thought I should, so she mailed me a harmonica (mind you this is while I was like 30 years old). When mom told me of her objectives (despite initial protests such as “I don’t know how to play one,” “I don’t want to play one,” “help?”) such she ended the phone call with the ominous statement “maybe you should just take it around with you so you can play and practice when you have spare moments.” Bad move mom. Bad move. So I then embarked on a month long odyssey of taking the harmonica everywhere and texting pictures of it to my mom. So Ihad pictures of the harmonica on my car dashboard, at a bar next to a beer, next to a tree, at work, with friends, on a plane seat…Luckily mom has a sense of humor so she was mildly amused.

These are my thoughts, observations, pains, and struggles …

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R. Kelly: The World's Most Interesting Man

2010-12-20T01:23:00.007-05:00

I put this up on my Facebook wall and I'd put it up again. If you had to ask me who is the most interesting person of the 20th & 21st century? Was it Hitler? Was it Gandhi? Was it JFK? No. No. No. It's R. Kelly. How he sings lyrics like "you remind me a jeep, I wanna ride you" and then puts out other songs like this is beyond me...

I just can't stop watching this video. The crowd fucking loses it at the end when he sings his new single "When A Woman Loves"

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Why are all Brits English, but all Englishmen aren't Brits? And who are the British Isles?

2010-12-14T21:54:00.014-05:00

Apart from having jacked up teeth, Brits are really weird. They went from having an empire where the sun never set to being an association of countries and territories that no one fucking understands. I mean simple facts like every English person is British but not every Brit is English baffle most people. Furthermore what makes Great Britain great and not just Britain? And the United Kingdom, what the hell is that?

My curiosity with sorting all this out peaked when I started thinking about the 2012 Olympics and the soccer team. In regular international football England competes as its own team, but for the Olympics the host country (Great Britain) automatically qualifies for the tournament. Not a big deal, except for some reason people keep on talking about how this was a super big issue for them. Apparently a ton of work was done for the creation of a Great Britain team, but what was the issue here? What the hell does that mean? How is that different than the normal English team? Why was it so hard?

So for that reason I figured a graphical depiction of all things concerning England would be helpful. As you will see, my devastating combination of having an enthusiasm for making pictures, a dash of intellectual curiosity, and a love of colors can only lead to...well.... colorful pictures.

So here's a topographical view:

...and here's a Ven diagram....

... and if you don't like pictures, here's a mathematical version of it:

British Isles = A+B+C+D+E+F
UK = A+B+C+D
Great Britain = A+B+C
Britain= A+B

where:
A = England
B = Wales
C = Scotland
D = Northern Ireland
E = Ireland
F = Other Islands

so:
(Great Britain) - (Britain) = Scotland
(UK) - (Great Britain) = Northern Ireland
(UK) - (Britain) = (Scotland) + (Ireland)

There. Does that help? Good.

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Bono vs. Cross-dressing Robert De Niro

2010-12-08T01:29:00.010-05:00

On last week's episode of SNL Robert De Niro dressed up like a woman ....and oddly looked like Bono. Now I love Bono but sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade. You be the judge.

Click the pic to enlarge...

...and yes that's Puffy kissing De Niro's hand. I suppose he's hoping that some talent rubs off.

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PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-12-07 (All Over The Place)

2010-12-07T00:33:00.008-05:00

PODCAST ME:
Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page (under "Podcast Me!") into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 55min)
http://hbshakes.blogspot.com
theme: all over the place

[0:00] Taylor Swift - Love Story
[0:44] U2 - With Or Without You
[1:44] U2 vs. Taylor Swift - Without A Love Story
[4:58] Daft Punk - Derezzed (Tron)
[6:46] Groove Armada - History
[10:40] Panda Bear - I'm Not
[12:00] Cowboy Junkies - Sweet Jane
[14:30] Petula Clark - Don't Sleep in the Subway
[15:34] Mark Knight - Devil Walking
[21:30] Fela Kuti - Water Get No Enemy
[25:30] Issa Dagayogo - Ciew Mawele (Dusty Foot Remix)
[30:24] Banco De Gaia - Drippy
[34:55] Leif Garrett - When I Think Of You
[36:00] AZ - The Come Up (Memphis Sessions)
[39:10] Jay-Z vs. The Wailers - Small Problems
[43:00] The Heptones - Old Time
[45:35] The Rolling Stones - Shake Your Hips
[47:55] Smashing Pumpkins - Rocket
[50:52] Deerhunter - Desire Lines
[54:00] Karen O & The Kids - Sailing Home (Where The Wild Things Are)

There, I hope you're satisfied and can figure out using a podcast... or you can download HERE.

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And now a word from our commentators aka The Fan Clothing Manifesto

2010-11-21T18:24:00.007-05:00

The one thing which is far more enjoyable than reading any article on the internet is looking through the comments that people make. The long-winded Russian author Fyodor Dostovevsky once wrote "The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons; " I'm pretty sure in modern times that can be extended to website comments.

When one sifts past the little bit of journalism that most site provide you can find some of the most ignorant, stupid, brilliant, funniest posts. Once such gem popped up on a sport website I read called Icethetics.

Amidst a random topic one guy, Mark, tapped into something which has pissed me off for a long time.. so without due, here's what I dub to be "The Fan Clothing Manifesto"

"Every game I go to, without fail, there's like 100 people wearing completely random jerseys, as if to say "Look at me, I enjoy sports". I'm sorry, you fail. You are not allowed to wear a jersey of a team who is not competing that night. The only possible exception is perhaps a national team jersey of your home country with the name of a player who is playing that night (example, perfectly fine to wear team Canada Luongo jersey to Canucks game, but not Henrik Sedin Sweden jersey).

"And for good measure, no adult shall wear a sports jersey as everyday wear. You may only wear a sports jersey if you are: a) going to the game, b) watching the game at a buddy's house/bar. So, to you, guy I saw wearing a Hartford Whalers Brendan Shannahan jersey last St. Patrick's day, just because Shannahan is an Irish name does not mean it's acceptable to wear said jersey in public.

That felt good to get off my chest."
- Mark (4:13pm, 11/17/10)

Breathe proudly Mark. Breathe proudly.

His comment was particularly timely for me after I went to a Kings vs. Bruins game over the weekend. Lo and behold what do I spot there but a bunch of Canadian dudes rocking Quebec Nordiques jerseys (click the pic to enlarge). Dude not only is Quebec not playing (i.e. a 3rd party team), they don't even exist anymore.

You drove down from Canada to do that? Idiots. Aye.

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...and now an email from the commissioner of the co-ed non-contact Sunday night floor hockey league I'm in:

2010-11-16T23:29:00.008-05:00

Hi Bryan and Shakes,

I’m writing you in regards to your teams game last Sunday. As you know, ZogSports is a charity-focused, co-ed social sports league. While we appreciate the level of competitiveness in our league, we do not tolerate any un-sportsmanlike behavior, which includes “trash talking”, antagonizing players on other teams or their own teammates, exhibiting excessive uncontrollable play, “mouthing off” to the referee(s), verbally or physically threatening an opponent or member of our staff.

The behavior by both teams last Sunday was not consistent with the tone we strive to maintain in all of our leagues. I just wanted to remind both teams to keep these goals of sportsmanship and fair play in mind for the rest of the season so your team and your opponents can fully enjoy the games remaining.Thanks and have fun this weekend.

Andy Koleba
League Manager, Zogsports.
Andy@ZogSports.com
"Play for your cause"
www.zogsports.com

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Orchard & Stanton

2010-08-29T14:56:00.001-04:00

-- Posted while roaming about

flight home

2010-08-07T15:45:00.003-04:00

...and we're back.

So I was flying back to LA on Thursday night for a friend's wedding (we shall call him "Eddy C" for anonymity's sake) and on the joyful voyage home I sat next to a guy, who looked a bit frumpy. After the bizarro pair passengers in front of us ordered margaritas (apparently it's a well known option) we followed suit. The fact that the guy basically said "I'll have one too" before i finished speaking meant that the dude was in serious need of some escape.

Let's take a look at what conversation ensued!

ME: So you from LA?

GUY: No, I live in Boston, work out of New York, and have a girlfriend in LA

ME: Sweet you have all the bases covered. I'm from Orange County and work in New York now

GUY: Yeah. I'm flying to see my girlfriend. I'm supposed to move in with her by the end of the month. I think she's breaking up with me this weekend though. I've already sold most of my stuff, requested a job transfer....

ME: ....

GUY: ...and was looking to marry her.

ME: Shit.

GUY: Yeah..

ME: So...I hope there's less turbulence on this flight than your life.

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Cab life

2010-06-25T20:34:00.001-04:00

Spanish cab driver: [sings in a low whisper to the radio, "Linger" by the Cranberries]
Me: that's a great song, it's timeless
Spanish cab driver: [shuts off radio]

-- Posted while roaming about

Saturday

2010-05-23T19:46:00.000-04:00

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Signs your flight to Cincinnati won't be taking off #241

2010-05-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

...when the view from NY looks like a scene from Ghostbuster 2 when the Stay Puft Marshamllow Man makes an appearance

-- Posted while roaming about

taxes,the post office, & Chris Drury

2010-05-09T16:30:00.003-04:00

So a few weeks ago I was at my tax guy's office and something struck me as a little odd. You see I'm paying money for someone else to do my taxes and there I was, standing in a mid-town office, with my Tax Guy handing me a stack of papers he made for me mail. I would normally expect that the Tax Guy should do the mailing, after I am paying him to do a full job, but whatever. No biggie. Job done.

As I was walking away he noticed I was wearing an LA Kings hat and asked if I liked hockey. It's an odd question. You don't see a lot of Indian people with hockey paraphernalia generally speaking so it was kinda a stupid question. So clearly I like hockey and the Tax Guy opened up about his other clients which included athletes, such as the Rangers' Chris Drury.

Now we're cooking with gas. This seemed pretty cool. But as my Tax Guy continued to talk about the nuances of Canadian and US tax laws I could only think of one thing.... Does Chris Drury have to mail in his taxes? Does he come to my Tax Guy on a Saturday morning and then go wait in line at the post office like the rest office? I mean if we're both paying fees to our Tax Guy shouldn't we get the same level of service? Now clearly Drury has slightly more complicated taxes and pays a little more... but still.

All I could think about was how much this blew. Drury isn't going to the post office so why should I? Just because he plays hockey does that mean he's excused from going to the post office? Damn you Drury, damn you.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Man accused of vomiting on girl at game

2010-04-16T19:55:00.003-04:00

The headline says it all, but you free to read for yourself

Once again we have proof to the age old adage that if we don't vomit on children the terrorists will win.

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Why...

2010-04-06T04:46:00.001-04:00

... does Tango & Cash need to be available on Blu-ray?

Life is Worth Living Again

2010-04-04T19:28:00.004-04:00

After 8 long years the Kings are back in the playoffs... and if you think I'm going to miss their first home game then you don't know me =)

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Birthdays, slaughtered sheep, & Milwaukee

2010-03-29T10:00:00.000-04:00

After sending a quick birthday note to my friend Niki I got this reply:

Subject: Re: Yoyoyo
Thanks dude, will be celebrating my bday tomorrow (so very close though, you were!) in lovely Afghanistan. Big rager planned, complete with juice and a slaughtered sheep. I know, you wish you could be here to join in the fun. Next year, I promise.
- Niki

...meanwhile I'm flying to Milwaukee today. It is equally desolate and without traditional Western laws and social mores.

Russia cut 2 time zones today...

2010-03-28T02:10:00.002-04:00

Fuck they are catching up to us.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Sons of Ben

2010-03-27T19:41:00.003-04:00

So I was watching the MLS opener day before yesterdayw with the Seattle Sounders and the new Philadelphia Union and noticed how there was a strong section of supporters from Philly called the Sons of Ben. They flew cross-country to watch the first game of Philly's existence.

I then did a little research on them and their origins, etc, etc (a nice Wikipedia read as all "research" is these days) and stumbled THIS little gem of an article. It's an article in 2007 (before the Union were a team) by an English reporter on the grassroots soccer fan movement in the US. Here's an excerpt:

...the Sons of Ben... are fans of Philly's Major League Soccer team. But Philadelphia doesn't yet have an MLS team. Which is to say that, despite having scarves, songs, chants, replica shirts and flags, they're fans of a team that doesn't yet exist. It's almost as if - in the manner of the South Sea cargo cultists - they're trying to will a Philly team into existence. They even organise trips to New York Red Bulls games, just so they can boo them. How hardcore is that?...

...Sons of Ben are following in the noisy, irreverent, chaotic footsteps of the Chivas Legion Kalifas (Chivas USA), the Galaxians and Riot Squad (both LA Galaxy), Screaming Eagles and La Barra Brava (both DC United), Empire Supporters Club and Raging Bull Nation (both New York Red Bulls), and Section 8 Chicago (Chicago Fire). And, of course, the national team's Uncle Sam's Army who chanted, at a friendly against England: "We've got dentists!"

Brilliant!

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Namaste America, the rainforests, and James Earl Jones

2010-03-25T23:16:00.006-04:00

Have we solved the problem with the rainforests yet? I mean it hasn't been on the news for a while, so I'm pretty sure it's done. All the fires have been put out I suppose

As a kid my brother and I were forced by our parents to watch Indian TV programming on Saturday mornings. The most prominent show, which still runs today, was/is "Namaste America." Basically it was a medley of Bollywood movie clips, songs, and random interviews. Real quality programming.

But it was was the commercials that were really pure 100% Colombian awesome. Disco shit. It was a weird array of public access-esque quality commercials for Indian grocery and jewelry stores were these commercials for this rainforest preservation foundation. Providing the narration over visuals of rainforest and fires was James Earl Jones. Along with deforestation facts and whatnot the trademark moment was him trying to spur the listening audience to action by saying "It's time to stop the burning!

Moving stuff.

The thing I never understood was what kinda dipshit at the rainforest foundation thought it would be a good use of the advertising budget to capture the Saturday-morning-Indian demographic? Indians don't care about rainforests. They barely even tip the socially acceptable 15% at most meals.

I wouldn't be surprised if the rainforests were destroyed BECAUSE of these commercials. Instead of convincing Americans to take action, millions of advertising dollars were wasted as thousands of Indians saw the non-Indo-centric commercials and felt it was a good opportunity to run to the kitchen and get seconds on freshly made samosas.

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and I raaaan, I ran so far awaaay

2010-03-24T21:48:00.005-04:00

When the Smashing Pumpking proclaimed after the MTV Music Awards way back when that "rock is dead" they were.... how shall we say... a bit off. But at the time electronica was trendy (think Prodigy) and the regular guitar-bass-drum-singer rock was not in vogue.

There will always be a room for regular rock, just as pop, new wave will keep on re-emerging in the continuous music cycle. What's interesting though is the context in which they re-emerge. When new wave first appeared in the early 80s it was.... well... new, almost futuristic sounding in the sense that technology was liberally used. Synthesizers, guitars that had altered sounds... this was a fresh sound.

But when you listen to the Killers last album "Day & Age" you hear the same type of sounds...but the context of the music is to almost hearken back to a simpler time. Synthesizers are simple. It's almost meant to be nostalgic.

What's the point? Well it's nothing groundbreaking. But next time you hear a song/band that sounds like something old, just remember that it's funny how the emotions it's supposed to illicit can be "new" because it's a totally different context.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

and we're back

2010-02-13T14:31:00.002-05:00

After a month off I'm back....and frankly I wondered if I wanted to write again. It's funny where I convinced myself to go back to writing - it was at my hangout, Horus on 10th & A on a Saturday afternoon. It's nice to have a place to retreat and mine is a hookah bar. And that particular afternoon the sun seeped through cold windows and lit up the worn out couch I sat on.
It's a couch pockmarked with charcoal burns from fun nights of the past. In the back you can hear the Persian cook explaining to one of the boys making a grocery store run what bread crumbs are... And this strikes me as being nice and pleasant.

Nope nothing funny here, nothing grand, but alas I'm back. Do not fear we have plenty of time to make fun of Olympic figure skater commentators...

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Hello clusterfuck

2010-01-07T23:15:00.001-05:00

Being in India has many joys, one of them is not international airport or lines or people in lines at airports.... I guess that's three things. But still.

For the record please note that a single file line should have people standing shoulder to shoulder. That sorta isn't a line by definition.

-- Posted while roaming about

I'm on an Indi-an radiooo...

2010-01-01T23:30:00.000-05:00

Indian FM radio creates new thoughts and experiences that are simply not possible anywhere else in the world. This is not because of some magical Namsake-esque return to roots experience. Nay. It's because the playlists are so bizarro. Where else can you listen to the following three artists order: Outkast, Whitney Houston, and Rick Astley. It's like an iPod shuffle disaster.

As such it triggers healthy debates while roaming around in cars listening to the radio, namely....THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THAT RICK ASTLEY IS WHITE. It's one of the single most bizarro things out there. You simply CANNOT listen to "Never Gonna Give You Up" with your eyes closed and tell me that you were not picturing a black guy? (please notice that I used a triple negative in that sentence. I rock)

The same can be said, but in reverse, for Billy Ocean. The only other Ocean that I know is George Clooney, and he's pretty white. Also his second stint with his fabulous robbing crew in "Ocean's 12" made no sense (if they stole the egg before it even got to Italy, why did they do all those weird antics in Italy with Julia Roberts?...besides Bruce Willis mistaking Julia Roberts for Julia Roberts was a bit odd)

Also many of you are wondering right now "when was the last time I listened to Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" in full?" Well, wonder no more, because I can answer that definitively by saying yesterday...in a store...playing the radio. And you know what... it's a long ass song. It never ends. And it's weird to think that it got featured in "The Bodyguard". Can you imagine Whitney having to choose between Bobby Brown and Kevin Costner in life. That may be the weirdest choice a person has ever had to make.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Good Morning Bombay

2009-12-28T22:14:00.001-05:00

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Bombay, Animal Gladiators, & Fantasy Cricket

2009-12-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

Hello from Bombay.

One of the universal things in life is that no matter where you go in the world, there's never anything good on TV. Let's just say that at 11:30pm on a Saturday night, my best bet was Animal Planet's "Animal Gladiators." It barely nudged out a classic India vs. Australia cricket match from 1983 (day 2 of the second test) playing on ESPN.

On a sidenote while sorting out my daily starting lineup for fantasy basketball (on vacation you have to make sure you carve out time for life's priorities) I got to wondering: is there such a thing as fantasy cricket?

Moreover does fantasy cricket take 5 years to play? This is where you (the reader at home) is supposed to laugh and cheer.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

Fire! Blood! Doha!

2009-12-26T11:43:00.006-05:00

Greetings from Doho, Qatar.

My goal for enjoying my first 2 weeks vacation (or any holiday longer than 5 days) in a year was to basically sit around and do nothing in India. All I want for Christmas is rest. Give me sun, a book, and some prawns by the beach. I don't even need wifi. It's not too much to ask. Well things have gotten have to a swimming start

Allow me to share the adventures of geting to the airport in a chronological order and in list format (and lacking proper capitalization and/or grammar) :

7:45pm: Get into cab to JFK. Christmas night in NY is lovely. The world is lovely. Everything is lovely
8:00pm: Cab is on the freeway and all is merry. Hooray for no traffic.
8:15pm: Cab begins to slow down.
8:16pm: Cab is halted in the middle lane of the freeway. foreign cab driver guy is unsure of what to do
8:17pm: The distinct smell of smoke is in the air. It is not chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
8:18pm: Cars are honking at us as we stuck in the middle of the freeway.
8:19pm: A Russian driver who had pulled over to the side of the freeway and is moving towards us yelling "Fire! There's a fire!"
8:20pm: My cousin and I have bailed out of the cab and are in the middle of the freeway diverting traffic away from the cab. The fire had come from one of the wheels and now looked to be out. The next thing I know I'm pushing the cab next to the Russian to hopefully get it to the shoulder. It's useful, plus the cabbie not throwing the gear intro neutral didn't really help matter. Also I noticed blood all over my hands (I felt a pinch on my hand when my hand brushed over the back of the trunk while pushing) Luckily it didn't get onto my jeans or track jacket. This is key because I have to look good on the plane for "Priya" (more on that later)
8:30pm: Another cabbie pulled over we get our bags out of the trunk of the first car (which we noticed had seriously jacked up and semi-melted back wheel) while the Russian dude was still running around, stuck my hand in a blob of dirty road snow to clean up the bleeding hand, washed it with some water from the cabbie along with some tissues, and away we went.

Now ordinarily having a bloody hand is deemed to be a bad thing (actually it's more like a deep cut on my finger, but saying a "bloody hand" sounds way more dramatic and it's better increasing the ratings on el bloggo) but perhaps God had a plan. You see my cousin and I didn't have seats next to each other (we had to ask someone to switch) so I wanted to keep some optionality juuusssstttt in case the person next to me was a cute ladyfriend. We shall call this hypothetical person "Priya"

So my bloody hand theory is that if "Priya" were to see my hand with bandages it would invoke some sympathy and she would instantly be smitten by me. It's a good theory. In theory at least.

The only problem is that it requires a Priya....and sadly Priya was not existent next to me. Servants. In fact there were no potential Priya's at all on the flight...or on Terminal 4 at JFK. Or anywhere. The beautiful people do not travel on Christmas night I suppose.

And with that I'm in the Doha international terminal having just played foosball. I only play foosball in Qatari (Qatari? Qaterite? Qatarian?) airports.

Okay then... I don't know what timezone I'm in but I know the next flight is 60 minutes.

Hopefully Priya will be on the next flight (to Bombay). Adieu!

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PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-12-23 (12 Inches of Snow)

2009-12-23T17:42:00.004-05:00

PODCAST ME:
Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 48 min)
http://hbshakes.blogspot.com
theme: 12 Inches of Snow

[0:00] Intro - "Elf" - Singing Loud
[0:28] Coconut Records - West Coast :
[3:46] Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
[6:34] Anoushka Shankar - Beloved
[10:30] George Winston - Skating (Snoopy)
[13:18] Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks
[17:11] The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning
[19:52] Bombay Dub Orchestra - Mumtaz (The Ornament of the Palace Mix)
[24:34] Blitzen Trapper - Furr
[28:35] Smashing Pumpkins - Thirty-Three
[32:35] Scott Walker - On Your Own Again
[34:11] Frank Glazer - Trois Gymnopedie No. 1
[36:50] K-Os -Hallelujah
[40:23] Alicia Keys - Doesn't Mean Anything
[44:20] Chemical Brothers - Dream On
[45:50] U2 - Beach Sequence

Well it snowed a lot and I was stuck at home....and that's pretty much the motivation for THIS mix. Who would've thunk it could be so simple?

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The Greedy Bastard Boy Who Stole From His Tree

2009-12-14T00:50:00.004-05:00

Every kid has read Shel Siverstein's "The Giving Tree" at some point during the youth. I remember when I first read it I was genuinely touched by the book and it made me think of how true friendship isn't one where you expect to receive what you put into it, but rather one where you're okay giving without any reciprocation.

The book was sweet and most certainly tinged with an air of melancholy. I remember thinking this even as a first grader.

But now when I read the book I'm not struck so much by how sweet and giving the tree was, but rather by how much of a bastard that kid was.

I mean let me get this straight...he cut his f'n tree down to build a house and then when he was old and alone he used the stump as a chair? What the fuck?

Do you realize how jacked up that is? That's like parading around the corpse of a friend ... This kid shouldn't be celebrated in a sweet, touching book... he should be jeered and mocked in Page 6 exposes.

Happy muthah fuckin' Holidays.

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Miracle on 1111 South Figueroa Street

2009-12-13T23:36:00.000-05:00

All I want for Christmas...has happened 11 days early for the Kings....

We can talk about the number of games played and that perhaps the proper technical way to look at things is points per games played, but still, I'd rather have points in the bag then potential points & games in hand any day.

Oh also I want two front teeth for Drew Doughty.

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Deplaning: A love story

2009-12-05T23:28:00.001-05:00

One of my pet peeves is people who talk loudly in public places, whether it's elevators, planes, or even pre-season ballet practices.

So I was landing home at John Wayne Airport and as typical, people turned their cellphones on the second the rubber hit the runway. No bid deal. I do the same thing. Even when I'm not flying (wait what? what does that mean?)

Well just as we're pulling into our gate a man 2 rows behind me gets on the phone and starts talking at the top of his lungs to his wife on a cell phone somewhere. Now the funny thing about loud conversations is that you start out by thinking "C'mon dude, what the fuck...just tone it down"- and you could sense everyone around me was thinking the same thing based on their collective sighs but then everyone secretly listens.

What followed was an annoying call that turned into a touch insight into an elder man consoling his wife

"IT'S ME I HAVE LANDED.... YES WHERE ARE YOU? I WILL BE OUT IN 15 MINUTES.... YOU'RE WHERE?...Oh you're where? The car has broken down...oh it's the wheel. Well at least it's only the wheel we must be thankful that that's the only challenge that life has thrown today...Do you have help?...You do... Oh great... Well don't worry you don't have to pick me up. I can take a cab. I can meet you at home. You're the boss just tell me what you want to do... I can even have dinner waiting for you at home... You're the boss sweetheart..."

and with that a lovely beginning to my favorite holiday season began...

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Signs the apocalypse is upon us #472: Biz Markie is doing Radio Shack commercials

2009-11-30T11:39:00.001-05:00

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Signs you're a desi: travel edition!

2009-11-29T09:38:00.002-05:00

...when you're traveling on a plane and you think the appropriate usage of your carry-on baggage is 3 bouquets of bon-voyage flowers.

Oh Priya! How stupid art thou?

thoughts on food part 2: food proves their is God

2009-11-26T09:20:00.000-05:00

I feel the impact of God on varying levels on a daily basis. For example I was running late to my train the other day and I said "I hope to God the train is still there" as I was galloping down the stairs at the World Train Center. Lo an behold when I got to the platform the train was still there! God had delayed all the other passengers to make them late for their respective appointments on my behalf!

Also God helped the Tampa Bay Storm win the Arena Football League championship several years ago, or so their quarterback told an ESPN2 reporter during the postgame interview.

These are all good empirical examples that God exists in our world but we need a stronger, unifying theory. And that theory, I'm pretty sure, rests with food.

Food is the key to proving that there is a God.

Imagine for a moment a world where steak provided Vitamin C. Dream of a second of a place where Kentucky Fried Chicken was a good source of Zinc. Hope for a moment of a land where bacon wrapped chicken helped your thyroid.

This world, this place, this land does not exist. Why not? Why I ask? I SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW. There is no good reason why butter and fried foods should not be abundantly hetyalthy. None.

Now that may sound a little bit over the top - and it is, that's how I generate ratings here - but think about it, out of all the possible incredibly tasty food combinations, don't you think that at least one of them would result in a healthy snack? There has to be at least one thing which just randomly is super good for you and tastes fantastic.

Clearly there are people who will say things like "oh you should try pineapples!" they're healthy and delicious! That's sorta missing the point...fruits and vegetables don't count. That's not exactly my view of a supercrazyfoodthatjusttastes darn good. Although avocados are fantastic

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thoughts on food part 1: food as a drug

2009-11-25T20:49:00.002-05:00

As I sit here on Thanksgiving Eve I got to thinking - as I am wanton to do - that food is the biggest quick hit product on the market. More so than crack. More so than heroin. More so than Amy Winehouses' medicine cabinet.

Think about it for a second. We basically are willing to pay lots of money, go to far off places, make our bodies fat, add cholesterol to ourselves.... just for the joy of having a food pass over your taste buds for literally 3 seconds.

That's pretty messed up if you think about it.

Now don't get me wrong, the "habit" of eating food tends to be cheaper than say stealing money to support a coke habit... BUT at least junkies seem to derive a utility towards drugs that lasts at least a few minutes.

I mean check out Trainspotting, their drug hits lasted at least as long as a song...and a long one at that, namely Underworld's "Born Slippy". That's at least 7 solid minutes long.

I mean if they just invented some device that masked what your taste buds experienced you'd be willing to give up some pretty unhealthy food. I'd eat spinach if it just could taste like steak.

to be continued...

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Sonic Youth @ Terminal 5

2009-11-21T23:59:00.003-05:00

Text messages after the show

Friend: Hey were you at the show?
Me: Yeah , I was there, were you?
Friend: Yeah I thought it was pretty good, what did you think?
Me: I thought it was great and Dinosaur Jr (opener) was really good. I didn't catch the name of the group that was before them but they seemed fun in an indie way. They liked repetitive words
Friend: I didn't see them but their name was Cold Caves. Clearly they are not based in Williamsburg, otherwise they'd be "The Cold Caves"

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Irish people, the WTC, & the inherent fun of statistics

2009-11-19T22:00:00.000-05:00

Last week while walking down the sidewalk towards the World Trade Center and my train I noticed a guy a clicking noise coming from this guy on the side. As I approached him I realized that he was clicking this counter thingy every time someone walked by him. So when I got up to him I asked "are you counting the amount of foot traffic on this sidewalk" to which he responded "Aye laddy!"

Actually he didn't say "Aye laddy" at all, that was a total lie, but I like the idea of giving my story an Irish element to it. A Lucky Charm if you will.

So I asked "Do you have to click it every time someone passes by or can you use some discretion?" Patrick O'Henry replied "Nay laddy! The path of the people is me' ruler! I can't show my own judgment!". Again, for the readers at home the Irish aspect is a complete fabrication. So with that I proceeded to walk by back and fort in front of the PeopleCounterGuy several times forcing him to click over and over again and thereby massing up his data.

He chuckled.

So yet again I have taken a stand against statistical analysis and real-world data gathering. I have shown that Normal Distributions can never take into account the behavior of an idiot. Chi-Square distributions do a much better job at that.

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Play-doh, OCD, and my sweater

2009-11-17T20:32:00.005-05:00

My social life broadly consists of watching late night TV and turning down Mafia Wars friends. Speaking of odd social patterns, one of things that I've been afflicted with is being mildly OCD. I like going through certain routines in order to feel comfortable.

For example as through middle school and parts of high school would have to recite all of the teams in the NFL in (28 at the time) in alphabetical order by memory according to conference and division under 20 seconds before I would be able to sleep. It seemed perfectly normal to me until I couldn't take it anymore, tore down an poster next to my bed, and forced myself to try and sleep without saying my Pledge of Allegiance to the NFL.

On a similar note I was sitting at work when all of of sudden my grey sweater got blue Play-Doh all over it. Now I know what most of you are thinking, "Why do you have Play-Doh at your desk? Surely you were partially responsible for this?" And my answer, Nay. The Play-Doh attacked me. But that's neither here nor there. As I attemped to remove the blue goo it proceeded to get embedded deeper and deeper into the little sweater fibers and whatnot. So I began to panic. I went to the bathroom, doused the sleeve in warm water and rubbed handsoap all over it.

While doing so a thought popped into my head, "Why is it that no matter how nice your office is, the guys in the men's bathroom always exhibit the sanitation and hygiene prevalent in most stadium and train station bathrooms. It's ridiculous. You'd think people would act a bit more refined. But anyhoo

The more I rubbed the sweater the worse it got. And with that I returned to my desk and sulked. At this point the OCD kicked in. I would have to replace the sweater. Right away. That night. It simply was not acceptable to be without a half-zip extra fine gray merino sweater. So I went to Banana, found the sweater, asked the patented desi father question ("is there a discount on this?" while pointing at an item at full price) and walked out.

This is what I do. This is how I live with myself.

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the Jay-Z vs. Mylie Cyrus beef

2009-11-10T22:46:00.004-05:00

Jay-Z has had his share of beefs in life and each time he has come out on top.

He worked his way through dealing in the Marcy Projects to start his career in hip-hop. And in hip hop he's had his fair share of rifts, whether it's Nas ("yeah I was sampled your voice/ you was using it wrong/ you had a hot line/ I made it a hot song") or Mobb Deep ("you little fuck, I've got money stacks bigger than you") and others who have tried to take his throne, slander his name, and spit on his game (see I made that rhyme. I am a rhymeslayer!).

But all have failed. Until now. is currently facing the biggest threat to his rep. Mylie Cyrus.

Mylie's "Party in the USA" may be the single worst top-rated song. Ever. Or at least it's second to the Macarena. Moreover her reference to the Jay-Z song playing in some club she was at is devastating.

Imagine if you will you're Jay-Z. You have a music company. You have a clothing label. You have 99 problems but Beyonce is certainly not one of them. You're minding your own business (I'm not a business man I'm a Business maaannn) when you hear Mylie blurting your name everywhere. On one hand all publicity is good publicity, on the other hand it's from a pretty questionable source

Having Mylie shout-out Jay-Z is sorta like Zach Morris getting a shout out from Mr. Belding. While the act in it of itself is not slanderous, the source is.

Mylie has done something that no other rapper or drug dealer could do; she brought down his rep. Now to top this all the recent hub-bub about Mylie not really listening to Jay-Z only makes matters worse. It's like she hit a walk-off homerun and decided to not even run around the bases. She's like "yeah I referenced your name / you was using it wrong / you had a hot name and I made it a hot song"

Mylie is so street. So fresh. And you know what? She's partyin' in the USA. Muthahfuckah.

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Hello Sunday.

2009-11-08T13:43:00.004-05:00

12th and Avenue A

I like to call it sheisha vs hookah for two reasons. One it just sounds cooler. Two, and more importantly, when you say "let's get hookah" most people think you're on a quest for hookers.

-- Posted while roaming about

PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-11-03 (Tuff Goin' Soul)

2009-11-03T23:58:00.002-05:00

PODCAST ME:
Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 52 min)
http://hbshakes.blogspot.com
theme: Reggae, Soul, and more

[0:00] Intro - Me
[0:54] Flying Lotus - Auntie's Lock
[1:11] Althea & Donna - No More Fighting
[4:37] Slightly Stoopid - 2am
[9:10] Junior Byles - Weeping
[11:40] Raphael Saadiq - Just One Kiss (feat Joss Stone)
[14:01] Mayer Hawthorne - Just Ain't Gonna Work Out
[16:30] Ghostface Killah - Gotta Hold On
[19:21] New Jack Hustle - Inglewood
[22:24] Richie Havens - Here Comes The Sun
[25:10] My Morning Jacket - Golden
[29:30] TV on the Radio - Hours
[33:19] Passion Pit - To Kingdom Come
[37:23] Miike Snow - Song for No One
[41:13] Orchestra Baobab - Ray Mbele
[43:07] Y Society - This Is An Introduction
[45:58] Desmond Dekker & The Aces - Israelites
[48:27] Gregory Isaacs - Confirm Reservation
.

Okay this mix started off as being a soul mix and then I could shake some old reggae songs and well... add some My Morning Jacket and Ghostface Killah and there you go..

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things Indian people do

2009-11-01T14:54:00.001-05:00

Steal hundred of packets of mirchi from Pizza Hut and other fine pizza establishments like there's no tomorrow.

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stupid people at concerts

2009-10-31T14:18:00.005-04:00

While at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary concert at the Garden on Friday (U2! Metallica! Aretha Franklin! Mick Jagger! Sting! Bruuuuce!) I was reminded that sometimes I hate people

So at the very beginning of the show Jerry Lee Lewis comes out and sings "Great Balls of Fire" to kick things off.... good stuff for a guy who I thought periodically over the past 10-15 years dead.

Well I looked over into the boisterous row in front of me where the drunk guy (he looked like a total S-Block) was singing with his Indian girlfriend and saw that she had her iPhone raised and pointed towards the stage.

Was she taking a picture? No
Wash she videotaping the performance? No.

SHE WAS SHAZAM-ING it so that she could find out what song he was singing! I'm like are you serious? You don't know who Jerry Lee Lewis and you CAN'T RECOGNIZE THE SONG? What is wrong with you people. I wanted to slap Priya right there and then. I mean why are you at a rock hall of fame show if you don't know basic things?

It's sorta like going to the Super Bowl and being like "what is this grass field they're playing on?" It's like going to an art museum and asking aloud "what was the Mona Lisa?" It's like wearing brown shoes with a black belt.

You just don't do such things.

ALSO if she doesn't recognize "Great Balls of Fire" it means that she's never seen Top Gun. What kind of person hasn't seen Top Gun? I shudder at the thought of meeting someone who upon hearing word "Maverick" can only muster up some memory of a weird Mel Gibson movie. And what about Goose? Goooooose. Did he die in vain?!?! Did he?!

A travesty. A real travesty.

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Tetris, people's personalities, and Halloween

2009-10-27T23:10:00.000-04:00

A friend mentioned at work the other day that for Halloween some of her friends were going to be Tetris pieces. So I got to thinking, how do you determine who gets to be each piece? In my mind your personality has to match the piece....and each piece most certainly has a personality

For example, I don't think I could ever be The Line in the group. It's a bit too presumptuous. EVERYONE loves The Line. No one in the history of Tetris has played the game, seen The Line start scrolling down and said "Oh fuck, it's The Line." NO! People LOVE The Line. It goes well with everything. It's sorta like bacon and goat cheese. Now, as agreeable as I think I am, I can't pull off The Line.

Personally I'm more of The Hat fellow. The Hat is generally agreeable and you can rotate it to fit most situations. Now truth be told sometimes it comes at the wrong time and jacks up your game. Oh well.

Be that as it may, I'm definitely not The Block. The Block is fine, I mean I have no complaints, but it's not exactly someone you always want to hang out with. It's sorta like when you goto a party and are looking for someone, anyone to talk to.... it's alwaaaaays A Block person. Someone who is good enough to have a drink with, discuss weather, perhaps old current events (e.g. the war, health care, great AFC football games from years past). BUT you don't want to get stuck with The Block all-night. Oh good god no.

The Hook meanwhile tends to be a pretty helpful piece, and it is quite underrated. The only problem is that extra nub at the end. When it fits into your Tetris pile it is magical. Like a glittered glove fitting Michael's hand. But when it doesn 't work...you're just like "dude, you stupid muthah@#$ah, why now?" The nub can throw you a real curveball once in a while. The Hook. Suave. Dashing. Bold. It's like a cologne, but only it's a Tetris piece.

Now we can go back and forth on which piece I maaay or maaay not be, and the merits behind each one....but one piece you do not want to be is the S-Block. The S-Block is the absolute worst. No one ever prays for an S-Block to scroll down their screens. If the S-Block were a person it would be a real dick. Like just a guy that no one wants and when he arrives he just fucks up everything around him. Even when he sorta fits it makes the next layer on top of him awkward.

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Spot the Desi: fluorescent tube lights, Indians, & hatred

2009-10-24T02:10:00.008-04:00

When I was a little kid and my family used to go to India there was one thing I used to hate above all else.... it wasn't the humidity, it wasn't the mosquitoes*, it wasn't even the lack of normal sit-down toilets in some houses... it was fluorescent tube lights

I fucking hate that shit. They are bright and it give every room the ambiance of a hospital. Plus every time you sorta look at one it's as if your retinas are burning off.

But for some reason it seemed like 97% of all Indian households had at least one room illuminated by as tube light. No other ethnicity has embraced a form of light in a similar fashion to Indians and tube lights. It's to the point that when I look at the surrounding buildings around where I live, I can spot which apartments Indians live in just by the tube lights.

The apartments are unmistakable based upon the piercing blue-ish white light erupting from their windows. Most normal homes have a nice warm yellow light. Not desis. We need fluorescent because it makes the text from math book just jump out and shine!

See you can just count that at least 5 of the apartments are filled with desis (those windows circled in green).

Now I know what a lot of you are saying, "aren't there like a lot of Indian people in your 'hood?" Well that's besides the point. The ones with fluorescent tube lights are definitely Indian.

* Okay I'll admit, mosquitoes were by far THE worst. If I wasn't writing this dramatic piece of prose there's no doubt that mosquitoes would be tops of my hate list. There was nothing worst then waking up to having bites between your fingers and toes and generally feeling swollen. However my aunts used to make me feel better by making some bogus claim that I had "sweet blood" and hence attracted all the bloodsucking night crawlers.

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ketchup

2009-10-23T23:56:00.000-04:00

Why doesn't Burger King and McDonalds put ketchup in the little dipping sauce boxes that they reserve for BBQ Sauce and Zesty! (tm) Sauce? It's 1000 times more practical than the stupid ketchup packets that they give where you're left wondering where you're supposed to squirt the ketchup.

the Al-Khair University Badgers

2009-10-22T20:56:00.003-04:00

I was reading about some student unrest in some Pakistani universities and one thought immediately came to my mind: do their colleges have nicknames like colleges here?

For example I went to the handy dandy list-o-Pakistani universities and looking up schools like:

Aga Khan University
Al-Khair University
Bahauddin Zakariya University
Ghulam Ishaq Khan Institute of Engineering and Technology
Habib Public School
Isra University
Karachi University
Khyber Medical College
Liaquat University
Quaid-e-Azam University
University of Karachi

The colleges read like a South East Asian version of the Big 10. The pomp. The circumstance. The pageantry. Pakistani higher education (and yes to all my friends that went to Karachi Grammar School I understand it was a good school...)

I mean who hasn't seen the rivalry of the Habib Public School Wolverines versus the Quaid-e-Azam Golden Gophers. It's a storied rivalry that spans the ages. And who of course can forget the laughingstock that the Liquat University Fighting Falcons cricket team became last year?!?

And that ends my thoughts on that.

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c'mon ride the train

2009-10-12T14:03:00.002-04:00

The other day I was walking through the Hoboken train terminal and I saw a train conductor kissing one of the passengers next to the platform. This was scandalous! For sure they must have some sorta code-o-conduct laws prohibiting such sophomoric behavior. But then I realized that the person kissing was just a person. This is not exactly on par with the President have "relations" with people.... unless of course the "passenger" was really the train person's intern...in which case it would still be not very important.

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Hindu traditions, water guns, & me

2009-10-07T22:16:00.009-04:00

Karva Chauth is a ritual celebrated by married women mainly from northern Indian women from Punjab.

Basically women in their first year of marriage fast all day in a ritual which shows how the wife loves her husband since she's willing to suffer (fast) for him. After sunset, and upon seeing the moon, the women dress in the best clothing and offer prayers. They then receive their first bite of food from the beloved hubbies.

Touching stuff. Really.

As can be expected from my little waterside neighborhood is that scores of brown people are lining up along the water and performing their husband & wife rituals.

Now on one hand it's pretty cool to see people maintaining their culture by performing such rituals. On the otherhand the idea of a ton of Indian people sitting outside my window is too much of a temptation to resist any sane person with a water gun. Namely me.

So with Indian women wearing their finest clothes I made it rain. Oh I made it rain. The best part is that people couldn't run away because they had to finish their rituals. God comes first you know.

Now to be clear I asked my mom if I'll goto hell for spraying people with my Super Soaker (tm) while they're praying and she said no. So I'd say this is her way of saying "Go spray them my son." And you know what?... I'm not wanton to disobey my mom. Especially on Hindu-ritual days.

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notes from my cabbie

2009-10-03T22:01:00.003-04:00

"It's a real pity Chicago didn't get the Olympics. But I mean where would you want to spend two weeks? Chicago or Rio? Of course Rio with all them beaches and shit. They need to change some of the events. Instead of throwing the javelin they should make an event of catching the javelin"

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PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-09-25 (92-96, Rock and Roll High School)

2009-09-25T23:59:00.002-04:00

PODCAST ME:
Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 72 min)
http://hbshakes.blogspot.com
theme: 1992-96, My High School Song

[0:00] Intro - Me
[0:48] Pornos for Pyros - Pets
[3:38] Cracker - Low
[8:04] Pavement - Cut Your Hair
[11:00] The Toadies - Possum Kingdom
[16:02] Breeders - Cannonball
[18:59] L7 - Pretend That We're Dead
[22:32] Sonic Youth - Bull In The Heather
[25:11] Collective Soul - December
[29:47] Pearl Jam - I Got ID
[33:53] Smashing Pumpkins - Drown
[38:15] Bad Religion - Infected
[41:57] Pennywise - Bro Hymm
[44:47] Green Day - She
[47:00] Soul Asylum - Black Gold
[48:53] Red Hot Chili Peppers - Breaking The Girl
[53:32] Nirvana - Dumb
[55:58] Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song
[58:48] James - Low Low Low
[61:31] Bush - Little Things
[64:18] Midnight Oil - Earth and Sun and Moon
[68:48] Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmmm

.
Well these are the songs I love in high school...which was from 1992-96. Based on that time frame you can tell that I'm now...well...older.

[to the Top of the Blog!]

2009-09-24T20:34:00.003-04:00

When I grow up I'm going to make a new college and it will be called New Miss. And it will be the greatest college in Mississippi and it will be better than even the elder Ole Miss because it will be newer.

It will be better than all of the Misses. It will be better than Swiss Miss and her monopoly of cocoa powder. And Mrs. Zeller my 5th grade elementary school teacher who punished me once for swearing, but I didn't even swear. I just said "Jesus Christ!" when I saw a bug in the classroom and that shouldn't count as swearing when there are animals/insects/nature involved in life.

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the boys play rock and roll

2009-09-23T23:59:00.000-04:00

U2 at Giants Stadium (Night 1, opener: Muse)

The night's biggest highlight (aside from being so close to the front): patting Matt Damon on the back while exiting. He was wearing an incognito hat to which I say "Hey Matt" and he said "Hey what's up"

I left it at that.

Honorable mention: The girl behind me who felt the need to grab my hand during Sunday Bloody Sunday and than grab my belt loop. I love rock and roll. I felt like I was in "Almost Famous" following the music of legendary group Stillwater and we were sharing a moment while they were playing "Fever Dog"...

...or something like that.

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Cheerios, zeros, and why India is great

2009-09-17T23:12:00.004-04:00

When I was a kid I used to eat Cheerios. That was the cereal of choice in our homey home. I think it was because each Cheerio looked like a zero, to remind young and impressionable Indian kids that India was the inventor of the number zero until the Arabs "borrowed it."

This is a good fact to know and my parents taught me of this fact. Growing up I tended to think of how India had a history of watching its great jewels stolen by others, allow me to list a few:

The Hope Diamond - the British
Freddie Mercury - also the British
Zero - Arabs, the founders of Arabic numerals

Now ordinarily the Zero Issue would not be one that I'd think about on a daily basis, but as of a year ago everyday at 2pm I do. As a matter of fact I think about a lot of reasons for why India is great at 2pm.

The reason: Everyday at 2pm my mom sends me 10-12 chain emails that have the following subject lines :

FW: INDIA IS GREAT!!! 17 REASONS WHY!
7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD...FROM INDIA!!!!
FW: SITAR THE TRUE ROCK INSTRUMENT
FW: KASHMIR BELONGS TO INDIA!!!!
WHY SHAH RUKH KHAN IS MORE POPULAR THAN GEORGE CLOONEY
FW: DHARMENDRA!!!
FW: INDIA NUMBER 1, forward to 10 people for GOOD LUCK!!!

And so on and so forth. Everyday. Thanks mom.

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another year

2009-09-11T21:37:00.000-04:00

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Jackson Diner

2009-09-08T00:16:00.004-04:00

Some people spell sophisticated "S-I-L-V-E-R C-H-I-N-A S-E-T", while others spell it "C-O-R-D-U-R-O-Y P-A-N-T-S & H-U-G-O B-O-S-S W-H-I-T-E S-H-I-R-T"

Well those are good attempts, but for the other 99% of the world we spell it "JACKSON DINER"
in York's 3rd best borough

Jackson Diner is in the middle of Jackson Heights and is the old stomping grounds of choice for cheap Indian eats.

Why all the hub-bub over this place? Is it the small bathroom? Is it the exhaust system on the ceiling modifed to look like a sitar and leafs? Is it the complete disregard to client service from the waiters?

The answer: Yes, Yes, and Yes.

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15th & Union Square West

2009-09-06T23:39:00.000-04:00

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OverheardInTheEastVillage.com

2009-09-04T23:44:00.003-04:00

Quotes/awkward convo from the guy sitting behind me at an outdoor cafe (picture to the right). Now this pic was taken before his blind date from Facebook arrived.

How do I know this? Well he was speaking sorta loud on his cell to one of his "boys" about this "girl he was runnin' up in"

He had a few gems, but this was my fave after the girl came:

WAITER: Hello
JERK GUY trying to impress girl: Hi yes, do you have a mango lassi?
WAITER: Um, we don't have any mango lassi
JERK GUY: Wait is that orange-y drink that everyone is drinking in a tall glass that looks so refreshing
WAITER: The orange drink?
JERK GUY: Yes
WAITER: That is orange juice.

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OverHeard@Target.com

2009-09-03T19:30:00.003-04:00

"Chile' I will club that tub of blubber like the seal she is!"
- Aisle 4, hair products

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Yelp, Shaadi.com, & Augmented Reality

2009-09-02T19:55:00.002-04:00

So the other day I stumbled upon one of the greatest things ever. Using services like Yelp have been ...how you say...manual. You have to input where you are and figure out how far things are from you...it's really quite a pain since it takes more than 10 seconds for my A.D.D. brain to compute all these things.

What if you could just point your camera at the world around and have you restaurant ratings, phone numbers, etc. just appear automatically. Kinda like a Heads Up Display. Well that's exactly what the new iPhone Yelp app does.

If you get the new download and shake the phone 3 times - I'm not making this up - a hidden feature called Monocle gets unleashed.

Monocle enables you to simply point the camera around you and you can see the ratings for bars, restaurants, and stores. Pretty nifty stuff.

Now truth be told I've heard about these Augmented Reality apps before in like Europe-land but I've never seen it with my own eyes....

...then I got to thinking... this is where danger usually occurs...

Why should Augmented Reality be confined to just food and shopping places? Why can't it be matched up to people. How rad would be that be to go to a train station and just point your camera at people and you could see what their ratings are?

Life would look like this:

(How genius is that picture? How about a nice big round of applause for my Friday evening. Me, paintbrush, and the internet. The sky is the limit.)

NOW, what if they went one step further and hooked up this PeopleYelp with like Facebook or like Shaadi.com (or J-Date or IndianDating.com or....). That would be nutso. You could basically walk around town and tell who is single, who isn't looking, and whether their friends give them one star or five.

Pretty soon the ultimate goal of humanity could be achieved whereby we don't have to talk or directly communicate with people to know everything about them.

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The Barclays, Steve Marino

2009-08-30T23:54:00.000-04:00

Going to golf tournaments is sorta like attending a funeral. A large group of people gets together to be deathly quiet, with an occasional smattering of claps.

The PGA Tour took a local stop this week in Jersey for The Barclay's Golf tourney. While proximity was a key reason for making sure I made the trip (literally 20 minutes away) the other was Steve Marino. Steve was the leader after 3 rounds and he was also one co-captain of the UVA golf team (back in the day) along with one of my best friends. My buddy knew Steve well and his folks too
This created a cool moment where I basically walked the course with his parents. It's weird watching an event where a guy's successes or failures are in plain view of the whole world....and you're next to the people who made him.

Imagine if everyone in the world knew whether you were having a good or bad day at work. And then to top if off your parents knew right away and perhaps a TV crew asked your mom about how she felt about your day. Aside from some mom-chatter about the weather the whole thing could be quite nerve wracking.

While Steve didn't win (had a tough 15th hole) his parents seemed very sweet and made for another good sports moment in my books.

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note to self

2009-08-29T10:18:00.002-04:00

If you're going to get a mohawk, make sure you don't have a bald spot first.

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Bel Biv DeVoe, Blackberry's, and non-magnetically shielded speakers

2009-08-28T18:13:00.003-04:00

If I ever played the game "Name That Tune" I would be a fucking champ. I've prided myself in being able to name songs after less than 2 or 3 seconds of hearing the opening. Sadly this skill has few tangible benefits...

So on a related note one of the annoying things about Blackberry's, IPhones, and things that generate electromagnetic waves in general is that they jack up speakers and causes this noisy interference (yes yes I know some speakers are magnetically shielded, but just shut up about that).

Well one of the odd things is that the interaction between blackberry's and the intercoms at work is that it the series of blips and noises is pretty constant. It literally makes the same beat , kinda like a machine gun staccato that sounds like "TICK, TICK-A-TICK, TICK-A-TICK, TICK, TICK"

Now for whatever reason after hearing this a few times the beat sounded reaaalllly familiar. So familar that it bothered me because I couldn't put my finger on it. And then it hit me.

...NAME THAT TUNE....

The Blackberry-speaker interaction makes a beat that sounds EXACTLY like the beginning of Bel Biv DeVoe's epic "Poison." New Jack Swing is alive and well and it's been thriving on our marketing floor.

So on a quiet Tuesday morning someone's Blackberry went off and I proudly explained my hypothesis to my boss who thought I was crazy. Fast forward 30 seconds and through the magic of YouTube the desk was listening to Poison...

Let's just people changed their opinions of me quickly. From "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard" people said "You know Shakes, you're a real hero. An American Hero." Well they didn't really say that part, but you get the drift.

What was more amazing is that when you watch the video it's pretty clear that they don't make videos of that class and caliber anymore. The choreography, the puffy jackets, the images of guys dancing in front of a giant green screen which imposes images of a zoomed in girl walking (1:21). It makes you long for the days when you could watch videos on MTV. Or BET. Or anywhere.

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Save Ferris

2009-08-27T22:58:00.003-04:00

So in honor of Ferris Bueller taking a much celebrated day off, I decided to do the same and go to my first weekday day game ever. And despite train delays and the Yanks getting blown out, it was a lovely day.

Now back to work...

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a stroke of genius

2009-08-26T23:28:00.006-04:00

I think this year I'm gonna change things up a bit. I'm so tired of my birthday being on the same day of the same month, year after year. But alas what can I do? I'm sorta stuck with my birthday being the anniversary of....well.... the day of my birth. So there I was stuck in a rut.

Well this past weekend I went to the temple (Ganpathi Bapa Moriya!) and it hit me. Hindu gods don't use the Gregorian Calendar...they say nay. They go for something truer. Higher. Literally.

We're going to the moon, bitches.

Starting this year I'm going to start celebrating my birthday according to the lunar calendar. Which means if I'm calculating things correctly my birthday will no longer be at the end of January. No, no, no. It will now occur somewhere between the months of January and March, depending on the year. Now I can call my parents on random days like February 19th and start complaining to my folks that they totally missed my birthday.

Ingenious. Ingenious I say. And it will always keep people guessing.

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Lego Store @ Garden State Plaza Mall

2009-08-22T22:41:00.000-04:00

There's something magical about the Lego Stores which makes you forget that you're about 2 decades older than you should be to play with Legos.

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East Village

2009-08-21T23:38:00.001-04:00

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The British 20th Century: A poor 100 years

2009-08-16T05:30:00.001-04:00

When I went for a 2006 World Cup match in Germany between England and Portugal the scene was absolutey incredible. If you didnt know better you'd think that Gelsenkirchen was a city in England. With the exception of a corner of Portuguese fans the stadium was full of King George flags.

English fans travel for their country. Anywhere and everywhere. Which brings us to the tragic twist to our story: the English teams tend to lose on the biggest stage.

It's sad really to have such a passionate people spend so much of their time and money only to be disappointed. Usually by penalty kicks or Boston Tea Parties. And the funny thing is that most of them expect to be defeated and yet still travel.

If the British were involved in the first moon landing the craft would've gone horribly awry and missed the moon altogether.

People on Earth would be watching on a fuzzy TV reception while the H.M.S. Apollo 7 moves towards its crescent target. Meanwhile the British fans would be there on the moon. Already. Cheering their craft on, waving flags, wearing garish costumes, and creating a general mess of the place by throwing cans of beer all about and vomiting into lunar craters. With success looking possible the punters would be thrown into a tearful frenzy as they'd watch a sure point squandered away as the spaceship misses wide right and veers towards the dark void of space as the English fail yet again.

-- Posted while roaming about

Happy Non-Colonizer Day

2009-08-15T15:49:00.000-04:00

You know I started wondering why Indian Independence day was hardly noted here in England and then I realized, I was in the Land of the Colonizers.

It must be tough being English and watching all these countries celebrate their Independence Day with so much glee. All their happiness is on account of England not being around anymore with their boorish Big Bens and their oppressive double decker buses. It's like getting a divorce and watching the other person have an annual celebration day.

Well England all I can say is tough break. It was a great run but now you, like Newcastle United, have been relegated away from the Premier League.

-- Posted while roaming about

U2 at Wembley Stadium in London

2009-08-14T20:45:00.003-04:00

The Bono

So this was my first concert I've ever really gone to by myself (well I saw Asian Dub Foundation in Central Park like in 2002, but I'm not sure if that counts) and let's just say it was a success. I ended up meeting a bunch of random foreign people and hung out with two girls during the show. I'm not gonna say that I'm suave, but let's just say that I'm not completely disgusting and unattractive.

The day was brilliant aside from the fact that I had to stay up until 4:30am London time doing some work thing. It's funny because in the past when I had a vacation day swamped by work by assistant would be sure to mark it down as a working day... now I don't really care because I know I'm not going to use all of my alloted vacation days anyway, so it's moot.

It's sorta like ordering pizza and putting the leftovers in the fridge only to throw it out in 2 days. What's the point of even putting it into the fridge?

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London calling

2009-08-13T06:33:00.000-04:00

There's something about landing in London which
makes you wanna listen to only Oasis and The Chemical Brothers while drinking Lucozade.

Outside of that I'm always struck by how the English try to be swift and efficient like the Germans at times, and yet get all of their wonderful schemes wrong. In the words of my friend Nate, there's no way the British Empire shoud've lasted longer than 10 or 12 years. Max.

For example it bafles me as to why a free train transfer from Terminal 4 at Heathrow to Terminal 1,2,3 should require a few minutes of head scratching simply because they aren't blatantly clearly that it's well... free... or where you are really going. The London Connect isn't the Paddington Express but it connects to it, but if you want Connections to London that's on the other side of the terminal.

Hmph. At least they still have Virgin Records in this city...

BR & me; the nerds of SFO

2009-08-11T01:31:00.000-04:00

Some people have life goals of curing scurvy or ridding the world of cauliflower

One of my life goals is to go to every Banana Republic in America. Today in San Francisco that goal is now one step closer to becoming a reality.
***

One of the unexpected byproducts of having Silicon Valley right near San Fran is that it has directly lead to the preponderance of dorks in the area. Many of whom are gathered at the airport with me tonight.

For the record the fact that an Indian guy happened to walk in front of my camera is a complete coincidence. Honest.

PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-08-09 (Drums, Echoes, & Bass)

2009-08-08T23:59:00.002-04:00

PODCAST ME:
Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the top left of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 43 minutes)
http://hbshakes.blogspot.com
theme: Drums, Echoes, & Bass

[0:00] Bjork - I Go Humble (live)
[3:59] Miike Snow - Burial
[6:55] Miike Snow - Burial (DJ Mehdi Remix)
[8:33] Discovery - Osaka Loop Line
[10:40] David Tort - Acid (Lost in Ausfahrt Mix)
[13:50] Little Boots - Stuck on Repeat
[16:53] Depeche Mode - Useless (K&D Sessions Mix)
[20:58] Black Uhuru - Boof N' Baff N' Biff
[24:23] Desmond Dekker - The Israelites
[26:50] Gaudi vs. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan - Kahin Mot Se Bhi Na Jao
[32:16] Bally Sagoo - Tum Bin Jiya
[36:14] Howie B - Baby Sweetcorn (Come Here)
[40:17] Black Kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach your Boyfriend How to Dance with you

.
It started out as being my "future music mix" - whatever that means - and then it just started to flow. The theme of "Drums, Echos, & Bass" is done in the spirit of many of my high school essays.... do all the writing and then try to figure out what my thesis was after the fact.

Pop quiz: Which reggae song was the first to break the Top 10 of the US charts? Let's see...was it by Bob Marley? Peter Tosh? Nopes. It's Desmond Dekker's "The Israelites" at the 24 minutes mark. God bless music education.

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...and I'm gonna miss everybody and I'm gonna miss everybody...

2009-08-07T21:54:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or is "The Crossroads" by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony the song which people feel the greatest need to sing even though no one has any clue what the words are. "Informer" by Snow is a close second.

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