Monday, December 28, 2009

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Bombay, Animal Gladiators, & Fantasy Cricket

Hello from Bombay.

One of the universal things in life is that no matter where you go in the world, there's never anything good on TV. Let's just say that at 11:30pm on a Saturday night, my best bet was Animal Planet's "Animal Gladiators." It barely nudged out a classic India vs. Australia cricket match from 1983 (day 2 of the second test) playing on ESPN.

On a sidenote while sorting out my daily starting lineup for fantasy basketball (on vacation you have to make sure you carve out time for life's priorities) I got to wondering: is there such a thing as fantasy cricket?

Moreover does fantasy cricket take 5 years to play? This is where you (the reader at home) is supposed to laugh and cheer.

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Saturday, December 26, 2009

Fire! Blood! Doha!

Greetings from Doho, Qatar.

My goal for enjoying my first 2 weeks vacation (or any holiday longer than 5 days) in a year was to basically sit around and do nothing in India. All I want for Christmas is rest. Give me sun, a book, and some prawns by the beach. I don't even need wifi. It's not too much to ask. Well things have gotten have to a swimming start

Allow me to share the adventures of geting to the airport in a chronological order and in list format (and lacking proper capitalization and/or grammar) :
  • 7:45pm: Get into cab to JFK. Christmas night in NY is lovely. The world is lovely. Everything is lovely
  • 8:00pm: Cab is on the freeway and all is merry. Hooray for no traffic.
  • 8:15pm: Cab begins to slow down.
  • 8:16pm: Cab is halted in the middle lane of the freeway. foreign cab driver guy is unsure of what to do
  • 8:17pm: The distinct smell of smoke is in the air. It is not chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
  • 8:18pm: Cars are honking at us as we stuck in the middle of the freeway.
  • 8:19pm: A Russian driver who had pulled over to the side of the freeway and is moving towards us yelling "Fire! There's a fire!"
  • 8:20pm: My cousin and I have bailed out of the cab and are in the middle of the freeway diverting traffic away from the cab. The fire had come from one of the wheels and now looked to be out. The next thing I know I'm pushing the cab next to the Russian to hopefully get it to the shoulder. It's useful, plus the cabbie not throwing the gear intro neutral didn't really help matter. Also I noticed blood all over my hands (I felt a pinch on my hand when my hand brushed over the back of the trunk while pushing) Luckily it didn't get onto my jeans or track jacket. This is key because I have to look good on the plane for "Priya" (more on that later)
  • 8:30pm: Another cabbie pulled over we get our bags out of the trunk of the first car (which we noticed had seriously jacked up and semi-melted back wheel) while the Russian dude was still running around, stuck my hand in a blob of dirty road snow to clean up the bleeding hand, washed it with some water from the cabbie along with some tissues, and away we went.
Now ordinarily having a bloody hand is deemed to be a bad thing (actually it's more like a deep cut on my finger, but saying a "bloody hand" sounds way more dramatic and it's better increasing the ratings on el bloggo) but perhaps God had a plan. You see my cousin and I didn't have seats next to each other (we had to ask someone to switch) so I wanted to keep some optionality juuusssstttt in case the person next to me was a cute ladyfriend. We shall call this hypothetical person "Priya"

So my bloody hand theory is that if "Priya" were to see my hand with bandages it would invoke some sympathy and she would instantly be smitten by me. It's a good theory. In theory at least.

The only problem is that it requires a Priya....and sadly Priya was not existent next to me. Servants. In fact there were no potential Priya's at all on the flight...or on Terminal 4 at JFK. Or anywhere. The beautiful people do not travel on Christmas night I suppose.

And with that I'm in the Doha international terminal having just played foosball. I only play foosball in Qatari (Qatari? Qaterite? Qatarian?) airports.

Okay then... I don't know what timezone I'm in but I know the next flight is 60 minutes.

Hopefully Priya will be on the next flight (to Bombay). Adieu!

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-12-23 (12 Inches of Snow)

Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 48 min)
theme: 12 Inches of Snow

[0:00] Intro - "Elf" - Singing Loud
[0:28] Coconut Records - West Coast :
[3:46] Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
[6:34] Anoushka Shankar - Beloved
[10:30] George Winston - Skating (Snoopy)
[13:18] Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks
[17:11] The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning
[19:52] Bombay Dub Orchestra - Mumtaz (The Ornament of the Palace Mix)
[24:34] Blitzen Trapper - Furr
[28:35] Smashing Pumpkins - Thirty-Three
[32:35] Scott Walker - On Your Own Again
[34:11] Frank Glazer - Trois Gymnopedie No. 1
[36:50] K-Os -Hallelujah
[40:23] Alicia Keys - Doesn't Mean Anything
[44:20] Chemical Brothers - Dream On
[45:50] U2 - Beach Sequence

Well it snowed a lot and I was stuck at home....and that's pretty much the motivation for THIS mix. Who would've thunk it could be so simple?

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Monday, December 14, 2009

The Greedy Bastard Boy Who Stole From His Tree

Every kid has read Shel Siverstein's "The Giving Tree" at some point during the youth. I remember when I first read it I was genuinely touched by the book and it made me think of how true friendship isn't one where you expect to receive what you put into it, but rather one where you're okay giving without any reciprocation.

The book was sweet and most certainly tinged with an air of melancholy. I remember thinking this even as a first grader.

But now when I read the book I'm not struck so much by how sweet and giving the tree was, but rather by how much of a bastard that kid was.

I mean let me get this straight...he cut his f'n tree down to build a house and then when he was old and alone he used the stump as a chair? What the fuck?

Do you realize how jacked up that is? That's like parading around the corpse of a friend ... This kid shouldn't be celebrated in a sweet, touching book... he should be jeered and mocked in Page 6 exposes.

Happy muthah fuckin' Holidays.

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Sunday, December 13, 2009

Miracle on 1111 South Figueroa Street

All I want for Christmas...has happened 11 days early for the Kings....

We can talk about the number of games played and that perhaps the proper technical way to look at things is points per games played, but still, I'd rather have points in the bag then potential points & games in hand any day.

Oh also I want two front teeth for Drew Doughty.

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Saturday, December 5, 2009

Deplaning: A love story

One of my pet peeves is people who talk loudly in public places, whether it's elevators, planes, or even pre-season ballet practices.

So I was landing home at John Wayne Airport and as typical, people turned their cellphones on the second the rubber hit the runway. No bid deal. I do the same thing. Even when I'm not flying (wait what? what does that mean?)

Well just as we're pulling into our gate a man 2 rows behind me gets on the phone and starts talking at the top of his lungs to his wife on a cell phone somewhere. Now the funny thing about loud conversations is that you start out by thinking "C'mon dude, what the fuck...just tone it down"- and you could sense everyone around me was thinking the same thing based on their collective sighs but then everyone secretly listens.

What followed was an annoying call that turned into a touch insight into an elder man consoling his wife
"IT'S ME I HAVE LANDED.... YES WHERE ARE YOU? I WILL BE OUT IN 15 MINUTES.... YOU'RE WHERE?...Oh you're where? The car has broken down...oh it's the wheel. Well at least it's only the wheel we must be thankful that that's the only challenge that life has thrown today...Do you have help?...You do... Oh great... Well don't worry you don't have to pick me up. I can take a cab. I can meet you at home. You're the boss just tell me what you want to do... I can even have dinner waiting for you at home... You're the boss sweetheart..."
and with that a lovely beginning to my favorite holiday season began...

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