Sunday, November 29, 2009

Signs you're a desi: travel edition!

...when you're traveling on a plane and you think the appropriate usage of your carry-on baggage is 3 bouquets of bon-voyage flowers.

Oh Priya! How stupid art thou?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

thoughts on food part 2: food proves their is God

I feel the impact of God on varying levels on a daily basis. For example I was running late to my train the other day and I said "I hope to God the train is still there" as I was galloping down the stairs at the World Train Center. Lo an behold when I got to the platform the train was still there! God had delayed all the other passengers to make them late for their respective appointments on my behalf!

Also God helped the Tampa Bay Storm win the Arena Football League championship several years ago, or so their quarterback told an ESPN2 reporter during the postgame interview.

These are all good empirical examples that God exists in our world but we need a stronger, unifying theory. And that theory, I'm pretty sure, rests with food.

Food is the key to proving that there is a God.

Imagine for a moment a world where steak provided Vitamin C. Dream of a second of a place where Kentucky Fried Chicken was a good source of Zinc. Hope for a moment of a land where bacon wrapped chicken helped your thyroid.

This world, this place, this land does not exist. Why not? Why I ask? I SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW. There is no good reason why butter and fried foods should not be abundantly hetyalthy. None.

Now that may sound a little bit over the top - and it is, that's how I generate ratings here - but think about it, out of all the possible incredibly tasty food combinations, don't you think that at least one of them would result in a healthy snack? There has to be at least one thing which just randomly is super good for you and tastes fantastic.

Clearly there are people who will say things like "oh you should try pineapples!" they're healthy and delicious! That's sorta missing the point...fruits and vegetables don't count. That's not exactly my view of a supercrazyfoodthatjusttastes darn good. Although avocados are fantastic

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

thoughts on food part 1: food as a drug

As I sit here on Thanksgiving Eve I got to thinking - as I am wanton to do - that food is the biggest quick hit product on the market. More so than crack. More so than heroin. More so than Amy Winehouses' medicine cabinet.

Think about it for a second. We basically are willing to pay lots of money, go to far off places, make our bodies fat, add cholesterol to ourselves.... just for the joy of having a food pass over your taste buds for literally 3 seconds.

That's pretty messed up if you think about it.

Now don't get me wrong, the "habit" of eating food tends to be cheaper than say stealing money to support a coke habit... BUT at least junkies seem to derive a utility towards drugs that lasts at least a few minutes.

I mean check out Trainspotting, their drug hits lasted at least as long as a song...and a long one at that, namely Underworld's "Born Slippy". That's at least 7 solid minutes long.

I mean if they just invented some device that masked what your taste buds experienced you'd be willing to give up some pretty unhealthy food. I'd eat spinach if it just could taste like steak.

to be continued...

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Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sonic Youth @ Terminal 5

Text messages after the show

Friend: Hey were you at the show?
Me: Yeah , I was there, were you?
Friend: Yeah I thought it was pretty good, what did you think?
Me: I thought it was great and Dinosaur Jr (opener) was really good. I didn't catch the name of the group that was before them but they seemed fun in an indie way. They liked repetitive words
Friend: I didn't see them but their name was Cold Caves. Clearly they are not based in Williamsburg, otherwise they'd be "The Cold Caves"

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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Irish people, the WTC, & the inherent fun of statistics

Last week while walking down the sidewalk towards the World Trade Center and my train I noticed a guy a clicking noise coming from this guy on the side. As I approached him I realized that he was clicking this counter thingy every time someone walked by him. So when I got up to him I asked "are you counting the amount of foot traffic on this sidewalk" to which he responded "Aye laddy!"

Actually he didn't say "Aye laddy" at all, that was a total lie, but I like the idea of giving my story an Irish element to it. A Lucky Charm if you will.

So I asked "Do you have to click it every time someone passes by or can you use some discretion?" Patrick O'Henry replied "Nay laddy! The path of the people is me' ruler! I can't show my own judgment!". Again, for the readers at home the Irish aspect is a complete fabrication. So with that I proceeded to walk by back and fort in front of the PeopleCounterGuy several times forcing him to click over and over again and thereby massing up his data.

He chuckled.

So yet again I have taken a stand against statistical analysis and real-world data gathering. I have shown that Normal Distributions can never take into account the behavior of an idiot. Chi-Square distributions do a much better job at that.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Play-doh, OCD, and my sweater

My social life broadly consists of watching late night TV and turning down Mafia Wars friends. Speaking of odd social patterns, one of things that I've been afflicted with is being mildly OCD. I like going through certain routines in order to feel comfortable.

For example as through middle school and parts of high school would have to recite all of the teams in the NFL in (28 at the time) in alphabetical order by memory according to conference and division under 20 seconds before I would be able to sleep. It seemed perfectly normal to me until I couldn't take it anymore, tore down an poster next to my bed, and forced myself to try and sleep without saying my Pledge of Allegiance to the NFL.

On a similar note I was sitting at work when all of of sudden my grey sweater got blue Play-Doh all over it. Now I know what most of you are thinking, "Why do you have Play-Doh at your desk? Surely you were partially responsible for this?" And my answer, Nay. The Play-Doh attacked me. But that's neither here nor there. As I attemped to remove the blue goo it proceeded to get embedded deeper and deeper into the little sweater fibers and whatnot. So I began to panic. I went to the bathroom, doused the sleeve in warm water and rubbed handsoap all over it.

While doing so a thought popped into my head, "Why is it that no matter how nice your office is, the guys in the men's bathroom always exhibit the sanitation and hygiene prevalent in most stadium and train station bathrooms. It's ridiculous. You'd think people would act a bit more refined. But anyhoo

The more I rubbed the sweater the worse it got. And with that I returned to my desk and sulked. At this point the OCD kicked in. I would have to replace the sweater. Right away. That night. It simply was not acceptable to be without a half-zip extra fine gray merino sweater. So I went to Banana, found the sweater, asked the patented desi father question ("is there a discount on this?" while pointing at an item at full price) and walked out.

This is what I do. This is how I live with myself.

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

the Jay-Z vs. Mylie Cyrus beef

Jay-Z has had his share of beefs in life and each time he has come out on top.

He worked his way through dealing in the Marcy Projects to start his career in hip-hop. And in hip hop he's had his fair share of rifts, whether it's Nas ("yeah I was sampled your voice/ you was using it wrong/ you had a hot line/ I made it a hot song") or Mobb Deep ("you little fuck, I've got money stacks bigger than you") and others who have tried to take his throne, slander his name, and spit on his game (see I made that rhyme. I am a rhymeslayer!).

But all have failed. Until now. is currently facing the biggest threat to his rep. Mylie Cyrus.

Mylie's "Party in the USA" may be the single worst top-rated song. Ever. Or at least it's second to the Macarena. Moreover her reference to the Jay-Z song playing in some club she was at is devastating.

Imagine if you will you're Jay-Z. You have a music company. You have a clothing label. You have 99 problems but Beyonce is certainly not one of them. You're minding your own business (I'm not a business man I'm a Business maaannn) when you hear Mylie blurting your name everywhere. On one hand all publicity is good publicity, on the other hand it's from a pretty questionable source

Having Mylie shout-out Jay-Z is sorta like Zach Morris getting a shout out from Mr. Belding. While the act in it of itself is not slanderous, the source is.

Mylie has done something that no other rapper or drug dealer could do; she brought down his rep. Now to top this all the recent hub-bub about Mylie not really listening to Jay-Z only makes matters worse. It's like she hit a walk-off homerun and decided to not even run around the bases. She's like "yeah I referenced your name / you was using it wrong / you had a hot name and I made it a hot song"

Mylie is so street. So fresh. And you know what? She's partyin' in the USA. Muthahfuckah.

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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hello Sunday.

12th and Avenue A

I like to call it sheisha vs hookah for two reasons. One it just sounds cooler. Two, and more importantly, when you say "let's get hookah" most people think you're on a quest for hookers.

-- Posted while roaming about

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-11-03 (Tuff Goin' Soul)

Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the left column of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 52 min)
theme: Reggae, Soul, and more

[0:00] Intro - Me
[0:54] Flying Lotus - Auntie's Lock
[1:11] Althea & Donna - No More Fighting
[4:37] Slightly Stoopid - 2am
[9:10] Junior Byles - Weeping
[11:40] Raphael Saadiq - Just One Kiss (feat Joss Stone)
[14:01] Mayer Hawthorne - Just Ain't Gonna Work Out
[16:30] Ghostface Killah - Gotta Hold On
[19:21] New Jack Hustle - Inglewood
[22:24] Richie Havens - Here Comes The Sun
[25:10] My Morning Jacket - Golden
[29:30] TV on the Radio - Hours
[33:19] Passion Pit - To Kingdom Come
[37:23] Miike Snow - Song for No One
[41:13] Orchestra Baobab - Ray Mbele
[43:07] Y Society - This Is An Introduction
[45:58] Desmond Dekker & The Aces - Israelites
[48:27] Gregory Isaacs - Confirm Reservation

Okay this mix started off as being a soul mix and then I could shake some old reggae songs and well... add some My Morning Jacket and Ghostface Killah and there you go..

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

things Indian people do

Steal hundred of packets of mirchi from Pizza Hut and other fine pizza establishments like there's no tomorrow.

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