Friday, May 29, 2009

you the reader

Over the past few days, several tremendously awesome comments have come from this old old post I did on this clown Reggie Benjamin a purported Indian popstar...who well, has no following

But the comments are just spectacular:
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reggie Benjamin is a liar, horrible singer, a thief, and an asshole in general. He is a waste of skin.

7:31 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...

con artist!!!!!!!!!!! looks like a nasty transvestite . stardust........... yeah right. ur nobody. top it off ur woman lies for u. once she gets out of la la land she needs to leave ur ass

I've heard of nasty shit before but I've never heard of a person being a "waste of skin." That's epic. Or the other one claiming he is a "nasty transvestite." That is just bizarro.

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I have become my mom

Mark it in the books, on Tuesday I officially went to The Container Store under my own volition by myself for the first time in my life.

A store which had been the bane of my shopping existence for some many years.

A store that doesn't contain stuff to use, but rather stuff to hold things you can buy from real stores.

The Container Store is sorta a shell of a store. It has no soul like my 6th grade social studies teacher. Instead it has just aisles and aisles of ....containers. And there I was, walking into it to buy 17 orange cubicle containers. Woe is me.

I am but a man. Flawed and imperfect, I am but a man.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Signs You're Desi #242: SUPRSIKH drive a car with the license plate that says "SUPRSIKH". Oh yes, you're super. You're parked at Saks in South Coast Plaza on a Tuesday morning

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Sunday, May 24, 2009


Random snibbits of convos from this past weekend at a wedding in Del Mar:

"The East Coast is only good for two things, and one of those things is Journey. My buddy called me while I was on the dance floor to play some new Weezer and I was like 'No the wedding band might play Journey, I can't talk to you' and hung up on him. And it was a fucking good Weezer song"

- Guy #1: Man where are those guys with my burrito? It's fucking midnight
- Guy#2 : I dunno, I just asked them to pick me up one too. I'm starviiiing
- Guy #1: Dude you fucked up. Big. I gave them $10. That creates a sense of accountability. Now they can't just go about their life without giving me a burrito. They're going to be thinking about one thing and one thing only while driving around, and that's to make good on their obligation
- Me: What if they just come back empty handed and give you back your ten bucks?
-Guy #1: Fuuuuck that. If he flies back to Japan without giving my burrito I will fly over there and demand he gives me one. It's no longer about the money and more. I need a burrito. I need a burrito.

-Guy #1: Those burritos are fucking amazing. They have potatoes in them. Imagine that. Fuck.
-Me: Shit. Yeah. Fuck.
-Guy #2: They don't have potatoes, they have french fries in them.
-Guy #1: What? I mean hello, are not french fries made of potatoes? I mean it's the same thing. Ha! Geez I mean think about it. Potatoes. I love burritos.

-Random Guy in Pool: Yeah we were listening to a Christian rock bank and the guitarist was really good and people were like where did he come from?
-Me: Hello?
-Random Guy in Pool: ...and it turns out he was the former guitarist from Journey. Then he got Saved so he's doing this now.
-Me: Hi. Saved from what?

-Photographer: Hi
-Friends: Take a picture of Shakes, he's single
-Me: Thanks..
-Photographer: Let's take a picture of you looking at the sunset
-Me: Um, okay.
-Photographer: But just look at the sun. Don't smile. Don't smile. I'm not thinking "smiling" right now.
-Me: Okay I won't smile. I won't think smile smile.
-Photographer: Good, perfect. You're gonna be happy bro. Don't smile on 3...(internal counting) Great.
-Me: Sweet. Thanks.


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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Old Town San Diego, the Mexican Colonial Williamsburg

Old Town San Diego! Sight of past elementary school field trips from Huntingon Beach, location where my mom would sort through the viejo gem store for about 45 minutes longer than a normal human should, and place where dad would circle endlessly looking for the perfect parking spot.

Oh how the years have passed.

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Spin pong rally on

When most people think of ping pong they have visions of opening night parties at hi-fi hotels, dj's, open bars, cocktail dresses, Susan Sarandon, Tim Robbins, comedian/30 Rock actor Judah Friedman, a former world champion, and me (member #178)

Typical stuff really.

And so this was the coming out party for my ping pong club. I wasn't sure what to expect, but what I got was a bizarro gathering of beautiful people at The Standard. The best part of the night was cheering for random people in the opening tourney and meeting other fellow "founding members." Good stuff.

Of course there was the occasional odd conversation with weird European people...not to mention a dude who lamented how the simple ideals of ping pong were somehow being compromised. He was a member of the club's original crew, Naked Ping Pong, and felt the soul was lost. Sigh. But he was saying all this while sipping on a free drink.

I'll chalk that sorrow up to his being a sad drunk.

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Thursday, May 14, 2009

Today a girl said "I hate liars, injustice, and corruption." I was like what is your problem, are you a super hero? Nobody says shit like that. Go away. Go sleep

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

$20 Chinese food! WHOO! Beef and broccoli! WHOO!

I have a lot of things going on in my social life. I watched this video like 10 times today...

"Post season baby! Poooost Season!"
The one thing kinda weird is that while Puppet LeBron looks like Real LeBron, Puppet Kobe looks like one. More importantly the commercial follows in the tradition of Anfernee Hardaway's Lil Penny from like a decade ago (which I believe had the voice of Chris Rock)

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

my life: where stupid happens

At work the issue of relationships occasionally comes up....

Me: Has anyone been to Oyster Bay?
Co-worker #1: Yeah it's real cool, it's kinda like the place "The Great Gatsby" was set in
Me: Hmm. Gatsby
Co-worker #2: Yeah it's pretty cool.
Assistant: Where you guys talking about Oyster Bay?!?! I LOVE OYSTER BAY!!
Co-worker #2: Yeah
Me: Whoa.
Assistant: ...Teddy Roosevelt has his home there. I have a TOTAL crush on Teddy!
Me: You do realize that he's dead right? Like he's no longer alive
Assistant: I know I know. But it's just a thing
Me: Whoa. I so what you're saying is that you have a crush on a historical figure?
Assistant: Yes!!
Co-worker #2: Put that on the list of things that won't ever happen.

Me: (turning to another assistant): Millie, who's your historical crush?
Assistant #2: Napoleon.
Me: Millie Bonaparte. It has a nice ring to it.

At the Clip Joint in the mall getting my hair cut:

Barber (not the one cutting my hair): "You can tell when a little girl has lice because if she has long hair and the mom wants to cut it more than half KNOW that girl has lice. Real mommas don't do that to their kids"

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

PODCAST: DJ Shakes_2009-05-10 (The Office of Good Music)
theme: The Office of Good Music

And we're back! A lil bit of everything from dancey dance, rocky roll...and even frat hop. Although honestly listening to Asher Roth makes you think about how good Weezer's "Say It Ain't So" is. I have nothing against Frat Hop (see Shwayze), but it's not exactly a song that would sound great without the sample.

It's sorta like listening to the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" can say any words to the music and it's gonna sound pretty fuckin' good.

T R A C K L IS T I N G (approx 50 minutes)

[0:00] Intro - Me
[0:42] Charles Trenet - Boum
[0:52] Beastie Boys - Root Down (Prince Paul Balloon Remix)
[4:01] Mos Def vs. The White Stripes - Ms. Doorbell
[7:11] The Asteroids Galaxy Tour - Around The Bend
[10:14] Silversun Pickups - Lazy Eye
[13:25] Cary Brother - Ride (Tiesto Remix)
[17:12] Ida Corr & Fedde Le Grand - Let Me Think About It
[22:16] Weezer - Say It Ain't So
[23:50] Asher Roth - I Love College
[26:34] Friendly Fires - Paris
[28:30] Pitbull - Calle Ocho
[32:13] Santigold - L.E.S. Artistes
[35:26] Kanye vs. The White Stripes - Turn It Up
[38:33] Crookers vs. Kid Cudi - Day 'N' Night
[41:45] LMFAO - I'm In LA Bitch
[44:46] Bullitnuts - Flurrying Dovecots

PODCAST ME: Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the top left of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL

If the link doesn't work, just message me and I'll upload the file again.

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Saturday, May 9, 2009

my president is funnier than your president

At the annual White House correspondent dinner last night...

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Friday, May 8, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

quote of the day

"I'm a big girl, I like to eat. So I'm kind of disappointed I have to go to McDonald's now."
- Shannon Edwards from Baltimore, Maryland, she was turned away from a free chicken offer from KFC.

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

voicemail from "Loren" the tabla teacher

My voicemail this evening from the dude who is supposed to come to my place and give a tabla lesson:
"Hello Shakes this today....I don't think it's going to be possible. I'm really sorry man. My whole schedule got out of walk. My Guruji came in from India so you know....everything is all messed up. Why don't you give me a call back at XXX-XXX-XXXX and we can setup next Wednesday. If you want to do anytime before that I'll try to fit you in.... I'm really sorry. Man."
Wait, what? His Guruji unexpectedly came from India? Who gives an excuse like that...I know, "Loren" the tabla master.

This is the same dude who upon hearing my voicemail for the first time two weeks ago (where I currently instruct callers to leave the name of their favorite 80s song) he decided to a human beatbox performance for like 20 seconds. Sketchy. Real sketchy.

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Monday, May 4, 2009


One thing which scares me is the notion of my mom getting on Twitter.

It would be all the fun of getting helpful comments from mom...except all day the ability to block it out, and no real ability to respond back. A typical day would look like this:

[07:02] MomTweet: "Look both ways before you cross the street"

[10:34] MomTweet: "Beware of the evil eye"

[13:15] MomTweet: "Haste makes waste"

[15:45] MomTweet: "Did you eat your veggies? You never eat them. That is the problem with you moving so far from home"

[17:10] MomTweet: "Colored clothes should be washed in cold water. Separate reds. Have you washed clothes lately?"

[20:39] MomTweet: "Chaddi"

[23:25] MomTweet: "Did you eat? Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?"

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Saturday, May 2, 2009

Saturday Brunch @ Merkato 55

Table dancing. Eggs benedict. Mojitos. 3:30pm. Pretty typical stuff really.

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Friday, May 1, 2009

Spot the Desi: "Ravi" from the Howie Do It show..

Desis, like tupperware, come in all shapes and sizes. While sadly at home tonight I flipped by the terrible Candid Camera rip-off, Howie Do It, with super weirdo Howie Mandel.

Well in the opening segment of the show....which they make seem like some sorta rock show they have a one-man band...the oddly named DJ Ravi.

Ravi as you can see from the picture is Sure.

The bio for our odd mixmaster on is quite a funny read, allow me to indulge in some snippits:
- "Two black discs can make a crowd go wild, but add an explosive performer, like DJ RAVIDRUMS* remixing live on the drums and percussion, and you have the most powerful party element anyone has ever experienced. " - Um, so basically he alone makes every place he goes to the greatest party ever? I beg to differ. My High School Soc Hop I went to in 1996 with Marlie Stewart was pretty off the hook and I didn't see no Ravi there.

-"DJ's such as Oakenfold and artists such as icons Tupac Shakur...crave the unbridled passion and electricity unique only to DJ RAVIDRUMS. - How can Tupac crave anything? He's dead. The only thing he can crave for is life.

-Having played all the hottest spots across the country, DJ RAVIDRUMS will conquer them all and make your party or event historic. - The irony of course is that he's on a TV show that is anything but historic. It's hard to claim you're the greatest life boat alive when you're floating around on the Titanic.

It's not that I'm a hater, nay. It's just easier to mock that's all.

*and no I don't know why he is called/labeled as "DJ RAVIDRUMS" as if his instrument is a part of his name. Or perhaps as they call him in the homeland, DJ Ravi Drumwallah.

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