Monday, April 27, 2009

things I did not like about today

In the picture to the right from CNN the base of my work building is seen sticking out

1. Watching a 747 come straight and very very low towards our work building (~200 yards away) while looking out of a window on the 48th floor and then evacuating by running down the stairs and sitting in Battery Park for an hour with masses of people from work

2. The guy from work who called me on my cell while evacuating asking if we were still going to do a client call while downstairs... People have fucked up priorities in life.

3. Watching other people make calls to their wives, husbands, and loved ones and meanwhile I had to think about who would care.

4. Just having bad memories from 8 years ago come back to me.

5. The delivery man for my Chinese food getting angry at me for having to wait at my door because I ordered food as I was leaving work, missed a train, and messed up my timing and then proceeded to write this run-on sentence

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

wedding ninjas

Usually when one goes to a wedding in Naperville, Illinois they don't expect to watch a portion of the day to be spent warding off ninjas.

Usually. But this was no ordinary day in Naperville. Nay

Not only were kids dressed up like ninjas randomly run through a post-wedding ceremony picture session....but there was also kids dressed up like pirates and even...yes....wait for it.... wait for it...a geisha girl (the girl in light blue) amongst the 20 or so kids.

What happens in historic downtown Naperville, stays in Naperville.

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

notes from work and my life

Seeing a door slightly ajar at the doctor's office is a rather ominous visual.

There's nothing worse than being at the doctor's office....and seeing a door slightly open means that your turn is coming. Maybe now...maybe in an hour, but your moment of reckoning is upon you. Not good stuff

And that picture probably shows best what's been going on in my head...the feeling of dread. God knows why and some days I feel like I'm living through pure misery, but props to my analyst for trying to cheer me up today:

Me: This is the worst day ever. I can't stand this
Analyst (chomping on his lunch): This could be your day....
Me: ....
Analyst: ...maybe you'll get up and go to the lobby....
Me: ....
Analyst: ....and you'll see a woman. A delivery woman. And she's beautiful...
Me: ....
Analyst: ...And you meet her and you fall in love...
Me: ....
...and it would be the best day of your life. Well....
Me: ...
Analyst: ...well it could happen!

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

the soundtrack to seat 3A on flight CO 2236 from Minneapolis to Newark

Returning to Minneapolis, the site of the Opening Ceremonies of my Life in January 1978...for a lovely work meeting. It's my first time back in like 20 years...

Looking out the window while listening to Pearl Jam's "Release" from the epic album Ten:
I see the world, feel the chill
Which way to go, windowsill
I see the worlds on a rocking horse time
I see the verse in the rain

Oh, dear dad, can you see me now
I am myself, like you somehow
Ill ride the wave where it takes me
Ill hold the pain...
Release me...

Oh, dear dad, can you see me now
I am myself, like you somehow
Ill wait up in the dark for you to speak to me
Ill open up...
Release me...
Release me

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Poor Jordan Farmar

It must be hard being Jordan Farmar, the backup point guard for the LA Lakers. Not only has this year been rough, but look at what I spotted while looking for a Lakers retro jersey:

Along with a bunch of legends, like George "The Ice Man" Gervin and Patrick Farmar.

Are you having a hard time seeing the sadness? Well allow me to spell it out....S-A-D-N-E-S-S.
Blammo. No but seriously folks...

These are players who no longer have careers in the NBA and sadly Farmar is already placed there...even though he plays.

It's sorta like having gather at your funeral when you're like "hey wait a minute, I'm still here." The rumors of Farmar's death are not greatly exaggerated.

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Friday, April 17, 2009

Dizzy's Jazz Club @ Lincoln Center

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, April 13, 2009

I can't read

I can read. I have a certificates to verify this. What's supposedly easier than reading is recognizing characters. But sadly I have not mastered it good enough to use during everyday activities.

So I'm trying to buy Ranger playoff tickets on Ticketmaster and I get the following Security Check know the sort where you have to input the character from an image to make sure you're not some automated computer program...

stage directions: scroll your eyes to the picture in top right and gasp in horror....although you undoubtedly already looked at the pic, thus ruining this crescendo of drama

What the hell is this shit? I think I'm pretty good at recognizing characters but what the fuck is this. How do I input "goddess 20 1/8"?

Is this some kinda joke? I'm like looking at my keyboard wondering "How the fuck am I gonna put a fraction in here?" Last time I checked I don't have a one-eighth key next to my Insert Button. Meanwhile I tried something and it promptly booting me out...and in those wasted 4 minutes I missed out on all first round playoff tickets.

Awesome. I hate Ticketmaster. And I hate the rape & pillage exercise that is known as StubHub.

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Friday, April 10, 2009

Cape Cod (minus the Kwassa Kwassa*)

This little piggy went to the market...this little piggy wanted to sit in the sand....this little piggy didn't mind sitting on the beach in my jeans...this little piggy was thankful to be away from cellphone reception...and THIS little piggy cried all the way home (after scraping my foot on a piece of wood)
* "Kwassa Kwassa" is a hip allusion (thank you very much!) to the Vampire Weekend song "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" where Kwassa Kwassa refers to an Africa dance rhythm (from the Congo to be exact)

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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Shipping Up To Boston

Good Friday is closed for the markets, and as per convention, the day before a back holiday is a half-day...which means Thursday should really be Terrific Thursday.

So with that I caught an early train to Boston to watch the bash-fest known as one of hockey's top rivalries...the Bruins and Montreal. And anyone knows that there's nothing that makes me happier than watching the Canadians lose based on THIS or THIS.

While the Bruins squandered a 3-1 lead, they won in 5-4 in OT.
Favorite parts of the game:

- People yelling at the boatloads of Canadian fans who made the road trip
- The crazy guy next to me (pictured in the jersey here) who professed his love in a manly way for Bruin goalie Tim Thomas after every save
- Groups of Bruins fans trying to make-up to the female Canadians' fans they berated earlier after the sobbering post-game realization that most of them were girls....and well, their Bruin brethren were, um, guys.

The numerous Canadian fans cheered "Go! Habs! Go!" over and over and over again...where "Habs" refers to les habitants...the name given to the original settlers of the area known as Montreal now. Banal history lessons aside, I happily turned it into "Go! Back! Home!" which had several unique characteristics:
  1. it followed a similar cadence to "Go! Habs! Go!" chant
  2. it won over a few people who also chanted it
  3. has a funny bit of irony as here I was, a person visiting Boston, telling other visitors to go home
The beauty of my simple chant won over CrazyDrunkDude next to me and he blurted along with an ad lib: "Go Back HOME!....and also um YOU'RE fuck'IN GAY"

Classy. Real classy.

Let's just say we didn't exchange info and add each other as friends on Facebooks. I'm guessing his typical experience with computers is something like THIS

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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Dodger fever is back for 2009!

Please observe these Lego people and clap rhythmically. All historical events should be recreated in Legos. All of them.

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Koreans, the Battle of Westphalia, and iTunes

I love political science, I really do...and while I try to objectively understand and respect the behavior of other countries, I can unequivocally say that North Korea's official statement regarding its recent rocket launch may be the one of the most ridiculous things ever said.

In fact, it may be the stupidest thing said since the dawn of the modern state, which is typically deemed to be 1648 with the Battle of Westphalia (the ensuing peace treaty introduced the concept of state sovereignty)
North Korea has described the launch -- which flew in the face of numerous international warnings -- in celebratory terms. State-run media KCNA said North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il expressed "great satisfaction" at seeing the launch of the rocket carrying a communications satellite.Not only did the country successfully send a communications satellite into orbit, KCNA said, but "it is sending to the Earth the melodies of the immortal revolutionary paeans 'Song of General Kim Il Sung' and 'Song of General Kim Jong Il.' "
Yes, that's right, the satellite of love is beaming down heroic songs about North Korea's leader. I tried looking them up on iTunes with the hopes that I could include them on my next podcast, sadly no dice.

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Monday, April 6, 2009

the Clip Joint (not to be confused with the home of the LA Clippers)

So I was getting my head re-shaved at the mall at my beloved barbershop, the Clip Joint. For anyone who has ever watched the movie "Barbershop" it's sorta like that...except in the mall.

There isn't much to my adventures today to report except this fact: where else can a person go to watch a gay barber hit on a lesbian barber? Classic quotes such as "Melissa you could chaaaaange me!".

That's why I go to the mall for a simple head shave. I simply don't get to hear conversations like that at home. Hell ya' don't even hear stuff like this at work. And you know what? It's a pity.

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

peeing, Beth Israel Hospital, & George Clooney

So there I was walking around in Union Square and I had to go to the bathroom. It's a common situation that I find myself, I have to go to the bathroom several times a day, and on occasion it is in fact #2.

Well I could've gone in Virgin Records, but that's not a place you really wanna really go to the bathroom. There's an awkward line and everything is always wet.

So in that moment genius general hospital, Beth Israel is across the street and figured I'd just go there...casually walk up to the 3rd floor where my doctor was and use some bathroom.

The problem with my plan is that on the weekends on the general doctor offices are closed and so when I arrived on the 3rd floor I was greeted by a floor of dark rooms...that were locked. It's at this point I realized that all the bathrooms aren't in the main corridors, but behind locked doors.

As I wandered through I noticed a door ajar by the X-ray machine room/branch. So I walked through it and figured and started randomly walking through an area I was definitely not supposed to be in. Partially because it was the back offices, and partially because most of the lights were off. I sorta felt like James Bond, minus the element of life threatening danger. Instead of imminent death my adventure was filled by the much more dramatic element of "I might get in trouble if spotted and not be able to pee."

In some circles not being able to pee is life of death. In some circles.

Well I did manage to find a bathroom, availed of the facilities, and as I was walking out unnoticed I reached for the handle of the main branch door (the unlocked one that allowed me to walk through) when a hospital worker in at the same time. He looked at me oddly. Surely the game was up....
Hospital Guy: Hey there
Me: Hey! how goes it?"
(when in doubt be overly confident and enthusiastic)
Hospital Guy: Hey... do you work here?
Me: Oh yeah, I forgot something here yesterday so was just getting it
Hospital Guy: Great

...and then for some reason I inextricably added "Oh, by the way, one of the lights by the main X-ray machine looks to be out." I have no idea why I said this. Maybe it's because I started feeling like George Clooney and the Beth Israel Hospital was a casino from "Ocean's 11"

The weirder thing is that I don't even know what "the main X-ray machine" is. Hell if I know whether they have one main machine or not.

And that is my Sunday adventure.

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