Sunday, February 1, 2009

Reasons I Hate Montreal

The last time i was flying during Super Bowl Sunday was in 1994 when my high school Model UN and I were flying back to LA from a tourney in Georgetown. The Super Bowl featured Dallas and Buffalo and as luck would have it our trip took us to a stopover in Dallas, right after the game ended, before continuing to LAX.

The only other noteworthy event was when my classmate Josh Anderson bought the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and all the girls in our class complained about what a vile pig he was/is. Go figure.

***
Throughout my life when my team has lost a big game (or a game I deem as being big, like Kings/Montreal...regular season game #48) I have created a defense mechanism strategy to handle such defeats. I try have a tremendous ability/desire to find things I hate about the victor. I like to create a narrative which concludes with the fact that my team losing is the culmination of a long series of evil events and human rights violations that that victorious city/people/team/country have been willing participants in.

This week's target: Montreal.

Montreal is a worthy target because I flew up to the game with my dad...and the Kings were on the verge of a big upset leading 3-2...only to lose it in the last 2 minutes of the game. Cue heartbreak and sadness. The worst part is that it was a Saturday afternoon game yesterday which meant I had to spend 30+ hours in this ice city...

These are the top things I hate about Montreal:
  1. Everyone makes a big deal about the Canadians having won 24 Stanley Cups. But wouldn't you have a ton if more then half of them were won in an era with only 6 teams. I mean I was the all-time greatest scorer in my living room soccer league but you don't see me hanging banners.
  2. According to our cab driver who drove us to dinner on Saturday night the Habs had an unfair advantage of always getting the top rookie prospects. Apparently this was a rather dirty secret during the first 65 years of the league. Even though the Canadians always finished as #1 or #2 in the league, they'd still get the top picks! No wonder they always won...imagine if the Lakers always got the first pick in every NBA draft. They'd win...even more championships. This news was so shocking to me that I didn't even want to look it up on the internet to verify...after all why would a Montreal fan lie about that?
  3. Newsflash: Montreal is fucking cold. There is no reason to be here 6 months of the year
  4. Parts of Montreal's Underground City do not appear to be underground. This is pure lying.
  5. The refs clearly gave the game to Montreal, enabling them to score 2 goals in the last 3 minutes and win 4-3. In doing so the refs missed an obvious penalty on the game tying goal (even the Montreal player said he got away with one). Even worse BOTH refs were from Montreal...do I sense a bit of a bias? I'm not saying they threw the game for Montreal but they certainly gave them the benefit of the doubt in wanting to escape with their lives. BOOO.
  6. French. They should stop this silly language nonsense and learn to speak American (insert comment by someone telling me that "American" isn't a language and thus ruining the entire joke)
  7. While I don't normally condone the killing of people I feel that refs do not count as people and therefore should be exempted from this clause. Even Batman wouldn't struggle with any conflict in his operating principle of not killing villains.
There. I feel better already.

...God dammit, my flight is slightly delayed and I'm now gonna miss the 1st quarter of the Super Bowl. I hate Montreal.

But I'm sure I will return in the summer to investigage more reasons not to like it.

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1 comment:

13briansucks said...

13rian go phuck yourself. Habs suck deeq. Can't wait til your piece of crap province seperates so the rest of the country doesn't have to pay the welfare checks of you whining spoiled brats.