8:01. U2 hooray!. Bono is wearing eyeliner. whoa.
8:05. Whitney Houston sounds jacked up. While she has a teleprompter no one needs to help with lines. She done more than her fair share.
8:09. The Rock has nice teeth. I've always admired them from afar. Now I'm bearing all.
8:12. I'm 31 years old and I like girls....but 's just call a spade a spade, J-Timberlake is one guy I'd like to spend a lot of time with. Maybe grab a burger at Fat Burger. Drink a soda. Perhaps even eat tacos or catch a movie with.
8:21. Chris Martin wearing even more garish ornamentation than usual. He sorta looks like he's from Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band....oh snap Jay to the muthahfucking Z! ...and back to more Coldplay. Oh snap, the whooole band is in the Sgt Pepper get up! It's like a Target commercial showing the joy of colored cotton outerwear! The only problem is that cotton shrinks when washed and it explains why nothing looks like it fits right on Marty boy.
8:32. Old people tributes are boring. Old people tributes to old country music people are boringer. Boringest. If I wanted to watch history I'd watch C-SPAN. Also what is a Sugarland?
8:36. Target commercials make me happy and fill me up with hope.
8:43. Whoa the band that performed, Coldplay, just won. That's never happened. Ever... HOLY FUCKING they just acknowledged my Sgt. Pepper reference! I'm just that good
8:44. Say what you will, Kid Rock is one talented dude. He knows how to play like 7 instruments and he can one good gospel song that doesn't feel like a gospel song. Now watching him singing Sweet Home Alabama in a suit while wearing the "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"-esque hat and sunglasses is damn cool
9:01. I have fallen asleep and now I am awake. I shall take my rib painkillers now.
9:09. I have now viewed the Jonas Brothers. I am less of a man now. And so is Stevie Wonder. He's lucky that he cannot see what he was just in .
9:28. Kanye looks like he beamed in from the 80s. I want to turn my eyes from his aluminum foil jacket and super perm hairdo...and yet I cannot.
9:45. The Rat Pack and a verrrrry pregnant M.I.A. She is definitely not missing in action, she's very easy to spot. Her polk-a-dot outfit leaves something to be desired, namely more clothing. However it does look better than the dress thingy she was wearing before which looked similar to the fat Homer dress/mumu
10:19. Radiohead! Radiohead! Radiohead! ...and Thom is looking exceptionally weird! The high school band is a nice touch, sadly they had a 12 piece orchestra originally slated to appear with them, but they couldn't afford it after they gave away their album for free
10:36. White Grammy Prez guy gives "Yes we can" speech. His street cred soars exponentially but sadly those three words will never be the same again.
10:39. Jamie Foxx is a Top!
10:48. Neil Diamond doing his best lounge-fly rendition of Sweet Caroooooliiiiiine. The band sounded tired, and Neil has seen better days, but at least the crowd got the "So good, so good, so good" part right.
10:50. Neil is done. Now to put him to sleep or make glue out of this old horse. This transitions neatly into The Dead Person Montage. Soon they'll be adding Neil's picture here.
11:30. It is over. I sleep now.
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