Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Cocoa Puffs, Tide stain stick, & Brooks Brothers

Hypothetically speaking spilling Cocoa Puffs all over yourself at work on a Tuesday morning at 8:30am is not the most ideal way to start your morning.

When this happens a lot of things go through you head, namely "What the hell just happened? My shirt is sooo chocolaty!" Even worse is the fact that I had a big internal meeting to go to and let's just say being young and having a chocolate stained shirt isn't exactly confidence inspiring to the others.

After accepting my new chocolaty circumstance I was left with some tough choices. On one hand I can take time cleaning up the mess at my desk BUT each second I do that causes the cereal that's remaining in the bowl to grow soggier and soggier.

This is quite dilemma...and in my case it sets up the idiotic visual of a brown guy (me) wiping my desk with one hand and craning my neck to slurp another bite with the other. It caused more than a few weird looks from the ol' manager. Oh well.

What's even more ridiculous is that I knew he was thinking exactly what was starting to go through my mind: "I am 31 years old and my breakfast habits are centered around eating a chocolate-based cereal, or specifically The Puffs of Cocoa." It's one of those things that make you wonder how you can you look at yourself in the mirror everyday, is this what my life has come to after 4 decades? Well you know what? I look pretty damn good. Even with my cocoa shirt.

What's most annoying is that I wear a sweater EVERY DAY during winter.Of all the days not wear a sweater this was the worst day. I've worn a sweater to work for the past 4 months winning me the nickname of "Sweater Guy" in certain quarters of my floor, and I purposely did not wear one today. It could've perfectly concealed my chocolate tainted shirt

***
One good thing about being completely paranoid at all times is that you end up being prepared for odd situations. So as it turns out I carry a Tide magic stain stick in my bag to work. It's designed for situations exactly like this. The problem of course is that when I...ahem, hypothetically....when I say that I spilled Cocoa Puffs all over myself, I really mean everywhere (at least on my shirt). So I was using the Tide stain stick like I was bathing myself. I put it on all over.

Sadly it clearly was not enough. So I did the next best thing, ran out from work to Brooks Brothers. My boss doubted that I could make it back in less than hour and another guy on the desk claimed that maybe I would just end up walking outside and crying and then going home. It got me thinking, "There's no use crying over spilled milk" OHHHH SNAP! YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT LINE COMING DID YOU BITCHES !!!

No no no, I didn't think that, but rather "what kinda of people show no empathy over a fellow co-worker who has been attacked by a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and now mock the victim?" That's not change. That's more of the same.

Bitches.

I made it to B.B. (open at 8:30am! how convenient!) bought a sweater (60% off since Winter season is over, also convenient!) and ran back to work in 28 minutes. I am now the proud owner of my fifth black V-neck sweater. Quiiiite a portfolio of warmth. Quiiiite.

Now there's one more funny thing about Tide's stain stick that you don't notice in small doses. While I was wearing my sweater the fumes from the heat or something started going to my eyes. It was like bathing in a vat of ammonia. I was like a human science project gone horribly awry.

So there I was, sitting at my desk at 9:30am with watery eyes and incredibly warm because, well, I had to wear a godforsaken sweater. All I can is that I am less cuckoo for these Cocoa Puffs

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3 comments:

surya said...

i nominate this for all time best.

Shakes said...

wait 'til you see today's post...

Anonymous said...

Good stuff!

-Rush