So in such extreme situations, sometimes you have to do anything to keep your sanity, and usually that means some sorta joke. There are few things in life that are more consistently funnier than joking with the help desk at the Bloomberg data service.
Looking at videos of monkeys is a close second.
Bloomberg (yes named after our Mayor, how do you think he made his fortune?) is the market information source of choice and they pride themselves on having great customer service. The only problem is that sometimes they're not the sharpest tools in the shed and can't quite tell when you're joking
So after seeing the market nosedive again on Wednesday I thought I'd have a little fun using the Help Desk chat feature:
ME: Hi there
BLOOMBERG: ***Thank you for using Bloomberg Help! We have received your question and a live representative will be with you momentarily
BLOOMBERG: Hello how are you?
ME: Hi, I think my Bloomberg market screens are broken.
ME: They are not working right I fear
BLOOMBERG: Hello, can you confirm which screens you are referring to?
ME: The World Equity Indicators, for example the "USSW" screen
BLOOMBERG: What happens when you go to it?
ME: Well everything is always red
ME: I don't think the green font is working.
ME: The Dow is always negative and in the red.
BLOOMBERG: Well there's not any green font on here...
ME: Same with S&P. And every other stock index....
ME: They're always down
ME: and red.
ME: Help me.
BLOOMBERG: ok I will need to long in as you to replicate
BLOOMBERG: I am going to try to fix the colors so it's not red
ME: Um, you see it's red because they're negative...
BLOOMBERG: Yes so let me see what your settings are
ME: It's ok....thank you
ME: It's all good. Good night.
BLOOMBERG: ok then! Is there anything else I can help you with?
ME: No. You've done more than enough