Friday, August 29, 2008

Palin = Tiny Fey?


Live from DC it's the potential heir to the throne of a 72 year old heart. Does anyone else feel like this is some weird plot in a bad summer movie?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Spot the Desi: Kal Penn spotting at the DNC

So I was minding my own business watching the Democratic National Convention, trying to figure out how I can get my idea of having weighted votings pass by November 4th...

I love politics and anyone who knows me knows that I've been following this election extremely closely. I think I know the issues pretty well and I started wondering why does my vote count the same as weird ignorant people. Mine should count twice as much...

But I digress.

I was watching CNN (ugh!) when I noticed that one of the floor whips, the dudes you see running around in yellow vests, was Indian. Then as I looked closer I realized he looked really familiar....and no no no it's not because I'm related to him, all Indian people are not related your racist fuck....no, I realized it was none other then Kal Penn!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

textual seduction

You know a date to the movies is going really well when you see the goofy couple next to you decide to text each other back-and-forth. I noticed this dynamic duo sitting next to me and knew they were texting each other because each press of the green "send" button resulted in a small giggle from the other person.

I mean I guess what would've really turned things up a notch would be if they like....um....just talked to each other. I mean after all, I took this pic while the previews were still going.

Also, what is the etiquette around alluring someone with texts messages? Are you supposed to use emoticons or is it oddly more alluring to just use the raw characters instead? Like instead of seeing a yellow smiley face, maybe people want to see this :)

The raw characters have an old-skool flavor to them. Or something. Also are you supposed to use complete words or are common acronyms allowed? IMHO I would think that since people never really LOL (they usually just Laugh In Loud to themselves) that saying you're ROTFL or LOL'ing would be akin to a lie. Lies are not seductive in the text world

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Obama accidentally drunk texted me at 3am this morning

Last night was off the hook. I got home and Barack drunk texted me at 3am. It was crazy. I dunno if he was just randomly dialing numbers in the 917 area code, but he got my lucky digits.

His message was really cryptic:
Barack has chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the first Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on www.BarackObama.com. Spread the word!
It was real bizarro because he referred to himself in the 3rd person. That was odd. Also I don't know why he's getting into some action on a webcam via his website. That seems odd.

He must have been really living it up somewhere because Barack ended up texting a lot of my friends too. We tried to text back but he didn't reply. Well as I always say, Party like a Barack Star. I guess he just has his go go go go go go go go go go gadget flow.

Friday, August 22, 2008

the Don & ordering food

Ah yes another random stroll through the West Village and another random b-grade celeb sighting. Friday night should we see but the Don himself, Don King.

I spotted Don while walking past the the West 4th Street basketball court.

Don is the former boxing promoter of Muhammad Ali and Mike Tyson and is the owner of a hairdo that would make those Dolls from like the 80's very proud.

In fact I would argue that the only difference between the two is that Don's hair has always been white (as far as I can remember) and Trolls have their hair come in all colors except white.

Go figure.

Also it could be argued that both of them have corrupted minds and taken money from people in an undeserving manner. Parents should never have bought their kids Trolls. Never.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Patsy's Pizza & toilet-explosions

One of the implicitly laws of nature/ going out is that when you least want it...you clog a toilet and have an awkward panicked time trying to rapidly figure out what to do.

Such was the case at Patsy's Pizza (23rd and 8th). A simple trip to the ol' bathroom turned into a guerrilla plumbing affair. Which by the way, I think a lot of people secretly possess the skills needed to be a plumber based on their own frightful toilet experiences.

Because you never have to fix a toilet in the comfort of your own home while others are not waiting on you....no no no.

It's always while you're at some restaurant or someone's house (more likely) and people start wondering "what are you doing in there?" Then like fuckin' Pinocchio on speed you are rapidly propping open the tank cover, checking for water levels to enable some weird black air-bladder type device enough buoyancy to allow a magical flush to occer.

Not that I haven't thought about all these details or anything.

So it's with those issues that I think I clogged the toilet at Patsy's. What makes it worse is that they don't really have a large bathroom area, there's only one. My solution? To close the toilet bowl, walk out the door past the line of waiting patrons, and sprint out of the restaurant.

Remember people, always pay your check before you go to the bathroom. That is key for a swift get-a-way

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Olympic fever part 2: Just fake it

Humanity. Fairness. Honour (spelled with a "u"). These are supposed to be the founding principles of the Olympic Games and the Olympic spirit....

...and then there's the Italian soccer team. Check out this scene from the waning moments of the epic loss to Belgium in the quarterfinals of the men's soccer tournament. Watch as Belgium's #18 Dembele is ganged up three Italians...somehow called for the foul...and then a simple shoulder tap in response to a shove by Italy's #15 Bocchetti results in one of the greatest Oscar-winning fake injuries in the history of sport.

video

Bochhetti restrains himself from falling but even the referree and the Belgian player find it amusing.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

the end of an era

And so after 28 years it's all over. Our family is giving up the two sofas which saw me through the better part of my life, 93.4% of it to be exact.

The red couches are being replaced by more comfier and springier ones. Frankly when I sit on them it feels like I'm cheating on the old ones. These are the couches that I watched so much TV on.

These are the couches that I watched the better part of most past Olympics, Oscars, Super Bowls, NHL playoffs, Lakers playoff runs, and even the epic TV show ALF. These are the couches where I endured many a scolding/lecture from my parents on. These are the couches that I used to canvas for spare change in order to buy Now-and-Laters from the 7-11 across the street in 4th grade.

So when the dudes from Goodwill come tomorrow morning all those memories will be gone. Even though the arms of the couch were a bit too high and hard...leaving a sleeping head with a painfully sore neck after a few hours of TV (or a nap), you learn to get along with it. I learned to lay in a Fosbury Flop-esque position where I lay my head on the seat area and stretch my legs up and over the back of the couch. Even though it forced my torso to have a 90 degree angle, it just felt right.

So goodbye dear red couches. I can only hope that the next couches will provide as good of a run as you did. The crazy thing is that if I started with a new couch relationship at this age, I'd be 58 years old when their longevity would be equalled.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Olympic fever: part 1

One of the most annoying things in the world besides rabid school children on planes are the Olympic announcers for men's gymnastics. Watching gymnastics on TV makes the whole sport seem excessively negative.

First of all the commentators feel the need to babble every second.... like there's no moment of silence. Ever. Secondly all they ever talk about is the one-tenth deductions that some guy is getting for breaking the movement of their hip, taking a step upon landing, flinching while on the pommel horse....

It's annoying. You wanna just tell them to shut up. It's sorta like the summer Olympic version of figure skating. The sports start becoming all about commenting on mistakes versus what they're doing right. Even when they're complementing a guy it's backhanded at best.

My favorite line today was "Great performance, he did the best...for him." That's like saying "well by his standards he did terrific! Good job! If there was a gold medal for athletes of your low quality, you'd win it!"

Also, is it just me or was there something a bit weird about the US men's team gymnastics team the other day. I'm all for team spirit and stuff...and arguably the positive vibes helped push them towards their bronze....but hearing their rebel yells was bizarro. I heard at least 5 times guys yell after a routine "That's how we roll! Yeah!".

Uhhh, dude, you're rotating around on a pole, you're not rolling in a crew six deep with DMX. You're not exactly robbing a bank and beating people with wooden planks.

This was second-only to Justin Spring (above) who told the NBC camera's "What's up America?!"

Um yeah. Righto. Your street cred points given your badass lingo: negative four.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

babys got the bends: Radiohead

Radiohead @ the All Points West Festival

Setlist
01. Reckoner
02. 15 Step
03. The National Anthem
04. Kid A
05. All I Need
06. Nude
07. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
08. Where I End And You Begin
09. The Gloaming
10. Faust Arp
11. No Surprises
12. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
13. The Bends
14. Bangers and Mash
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. Exit Music (For A Film)
17. Bodysnatchers

Encore 1
18. Pyramid Song
19. Videotape
20. Airbag
21. Fake Plastic Trees
22. There There

Encore 2
23. House of Cards
24. Planet Telex
25. Idioteque


Saturday, August 9, 2008

whoa shit

Bernie Mack is dead at age 50 from pneumonia complications?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Pineapple Express

...okay for the last time the song in the Pineapple Express movie trailer is "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.

The song's childrens chorus punctuated by gunshots, fits well with a goofy robbery movie.

On its own the song is an odd. For an artist 's forming a voice against exploitation and violence M.I.A. ends up kids and guns to sell a song/album. Now I'm gonna be honest, I really like her (and her shows are fantastic) but I'm not gonna claim to fully understand the lyrics behind every song ("Galang-a-lang-alang" ?). So it's possible that she's telling the narrative from a third person's perspective. But like, I dunno... That being said who gives a shit, the song (and album) rocks.

What's more important is how awesome Franco and Seth Rogen are. I loved them in the old TV show "Freaks & Geeks" and it's cool to see them back. James of course was the lead slacker and Seth was the sarcastic beer lover who at the conclusion of the first (and only) season ended up dating a girl who was a guy.

Go figure.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Susu Pani/ Pee Time

One of the things which is a normal course of event in my life is observing how people pee on the toilet seat in public bathrooms. Now in my life adventures, no matter how far and wide I travel, I'm only eligible to witness 50% of the bathrooms in the world...although truth be told, unisex restrooms may skew that number slightly.

Now the existence of pee on toilet seats in male restrooms is pretty natural. I mean peeing for us requires the crucial element of aiming. If you can't get a urinal and head for the stalls, you have to make sure you aim properly. The tricky part of course is that usually someone goes to the stall to drop a deuce, so the toilet seat tends to be down. So if you're going to the stall just to pee, the target area is diminished significantly. Thus pee splashback. Especially during those crucial opening and ending moments when control is significantly compromised.

Now on most news sites, the story would end here. But no no no. Not here. Nay I say. This afternoon a friend mentioned that the grossest thing about girls public bathrooms is that people pee on the seat

Wait, what?

Girls pee on toilet seats? This is noteworthy for two reasons:
  1. It stinks because girls don't really have a choice when it comes to peeing. They have to use the stall. The urinal will simply not suffice due to biology, physics, and personal etiquette.
  2. How the hell does seat peeing occur in a girls bathroom
Shocking yes. I know. I never really thought about it. So like any good reporter I asked more. AS it turns out girls don't really have to aim. This, I'm aware of. But apparently they can't really aim in any direction if they really wanted to. Even if one (i.e. a girl) hovered over the bowl apparently there's not a high degree of difficulty in peeing properly.

Now it's very probable that the friend/witness was a gifted pee-er. She could be a bad benchmark. It would sorta be like asking Josh Hamilton what it's like to hit a home run. He'd probably be like "Um, I dunno, no big deal... everyone can do it, can't they?"

But that being said, maybe she wasn't the MVP of peeing, and what she says is correct. In that case I still have no clue how a girl can pee on a toilet bowl. No clue at all. I'm gonna keep on thinking about this one for a while and come up with a few hypothetical scenarios. I will report back with my findings.