Friday, June 6, 2008

Lamont the Goldfish & 1997

When I was in college my roommate and I had a 2 goldfish in our little bowl. We never bought them (or the bowl) but rather it was an offering from this girl Sheela who lived down the hall from us. A type of prasad if you will.

My goldfish, Leonard Part Six, died leaving Lamont as the sole master of the bowl. As you can see. our fish names were highly inspired by Bill Cosby.

Well one day Dan and I were studying when a kid Eric started playing with our fish. "Playing" of course meant that various people in our dorm would come into our room, tap the glass repeatedly shocking our fine finned friends, and then leave. Sometimes they would feed the fish order to provide more inputs to enable Lamont to swim amongst his/her feces.

Anyhoo, after several taps Eric yelled out to the Danny and myself "I think your fish is broken."
Now I don't know what it exactly means for a goldfish to be "broken" but whatever it is, our fish was it. Upon close examination we could see that every time you tapped the bowl the fish would dive towards the bottom for a few seconds, stop, and then float backwards to the top. Lamont kept doing this over and over.

Something was clearly awry. Lamont was broken. Either that or Lamont learned to moonwalk.

We couldn't figure out what was wrong. Lamont had been rather merry, or so it seemed, all day. In fact Sheela had just changed his water about an hour earlier. Hmm. Something was rotten in the state of Denmark, and it wasn't our fridge. Dan was now curious as well and so three kids were now staring at dear Lamont.

Perhaps Lamont was playing and so the logical thought was to put our finger in the water and flick it around a lil bit. Fish like splashing. But with one dip into the water the problem was clear: the water was like boiling hot! Sheela cleaned out the water alright but she replaced it with hot water!

Woe is Lamont! Woe is Lamont!

And with that we ran to the bathroom, threw Lamont into a styrofoam cup (which you've gotta imagine is rather traumatic for a fish to be taken out of a bowl, and thrown into another one...imagine the equivalent for a human, someone dunking you into water and then taking you out with no warning of when you should hold you breath) and replaced the water.

And that is the story of Lamont the Goldfish.


Asha said...

Did he die right after that episode or did Lamont live to see another day??

Shakes said...

Well it's actually very interesting that you ask this question. The answer is poignant and inspiring. Lamont actually made it to the end of the school year, much to Danny and my amazement. The problem is that we didn't know what to do with him as we went home for summer, so on the last night of school we took Lamont in a cup to the pond in the quads and poured him in. Lamont fell straight to the bottom without even moving. It was awful. But then the little guy sprung to life and swam off. I shit you not. It was a nice metaphor for our school year.

I like to imagine that Lamont is still alive to this day. 11 years later.

Anonymous said...

i am touched.
dont ask where

Shakes said...

oh snap.