Monday, June 30, 2008

Bobby Jindal has made the big time

My newest favorite show is "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" on MSNBC. It's sorta like the yang to the Fox News right wing yang. Amongst its daily segments, one of the funnier ones is his "World's Worst Person."

Alas the great brown hope Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, won....errr...was in the running last night, as nearly received the honor last night. Jindal said that since Katrina there were no oil spills since then. This was deemed to be one of the great hidden successes.

Sadly Booby was a little bit wrong. The EPA mentioned that 124 offshore spills, including 44 of them in Southeast Lousiana.

Now the reason Olberman is probably targeting Jindal (real name Piyush) is because Bobby has been seen as a potential long shot VP candidate for McCain....and as a Democrat Olbermann doesn't mind shooting down Republicans on his show.

Insightful blog post, maybe? Lame reason to mention the seemingly oddest desi on the American scene since Reggie Benjamin? Absolutely.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

sunday

Thursday, June 26, 2008

sometimes you need to smile

...and sometimes you need to dance. Here's a lovely video which will look corny for the first 20 seconds until you realize what's goin' on...




The video comes from a website called "Where The Hell is Matt" which is about this random guy Matt Harding's travels. In this video Matt wants to dance. A lot. With people. Around the world.

Okay you may now go back to your regular days worth of doom and gloom. But if you can't find it in your heart to smile a little bit after watching the video then I don't want you reading my blog any more.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

40,000 hits

Konichiwa bitches, over el bloggo has gotten over 40,000 hits.
They love me, they really love me.

Here's a little map of places that make the most hits

Big ups to the all the readers in Chile.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

desis on the mat: Raj Bhavsar

So I was sitting at home in a state of despair after the Russia/Holland game and by accident I switched to the US Olympic Trials for gymnastics wwhen I spotted Raj Bhavsar. Yes people, a desi in men's gymnastics! Who would've thunk? I didn't even know Indians were allowed to do gymnastics. Even cooler was that he was actually pretty damn good.

At this point I'm supposed to write something goofy or poke fun at someone....which inevitable causes some random shmuck to ask "do you not like the Indians?...but I gotta say it's pretty awesome.

Also he's like pretty ripped, I mean for a guy.

The weird thing is according to the weird gymnastic broadcasters, Raj has been around for a little while (2004 Olympic alternate) and I guess I'd never heard of him before. Even better is seeing his dad cheering in stands.

Hooray beta! Hooray! Oh yeah, and just for the ladies out there, this is the shirtless pose...

Friday, June 20, 2008

Losing my mind: Part 1, the one-third life crisis

One of the best parts about having a quarter/ one-third life crisis is that there are definitive moments that you can recognize and point to as signs of your mental demise. The opposite is true about when everything is hunky dory and you can't really point to one or two specific things that occurred to make you so happy. When people ask you to reflect upon what things during the last year or so don't really have much of an answer except "things just sorta seemed well."

In other words, in the view of a high school Spanish teacher who was looking back at his/her life you could refer to the shitty things in the preterite tense and the good ones with the imperfect.

In actuality there really isn't a complete black/white between the two, but you gotta admit that it makes for compelling reading anytime someone can mention Spanish verb tense conjugation in the context of life's bigger questions. Mr. Houghton would be proud.

And so there I was earlier this week sitting in delayed plane on the tarmac of a weird city. People act really retarded in planes when their flight gets delayed. Often times they act like the airlines takes joy in delays because of made-up weather conditions in either (a) the departing city, (b) the city you're going to, or more painful, (c) the city your plane is coming from. In either case I usually don't get too weirded out because if the airlines doesn't think it's safe to fly, then who am I to argue? I'm not really super keen on putting my life at risk for the sake of saving an extra hour.

During these moments you have some people completely tune out (me), some get ansy (kids and business people), and you get assclowns who talk loudly on their cellphones and say shit like "they should give us our money back!" (non-frequent travelers).

But I digress.

Losing your mind isn't so much about not being able to think rationally as it is logically thinking very weird things with a clear mind. As I was sitting in the non air-conditioned plane I thought "Being stuck here is the most peaceful 2 hours that I've had by myself in a few months." Good times.

The message quickly shifted I looked out the window several hours later amidst major turbulence and thought "Boy, if this plane crashes I don't have to go to work tomorrow." Morbid. But true.

These joyous moments were then replaced when I got my feet back to the ground (literally) and upon realizing that I lost my BlackBerry I began to panic about what I'd do for the next day. That's pretty jacked up on at least two levels. Let's count them! :
  1. I landed at 11pm, I'd be at work at 7am the next day...that just means I'd be BlackBerry-less for only 8hrs...a majority of which I'd be sleeping for... Not exactly a big deal to be out of email contact

  2. I can login to my work account at home if I really wanted to connect to work

It's one thing if you have weird thoughts and then reflect upon it later...the bizarre thing is that while I was panicking I was able to think "man what is happening to me?"

What is happening to me? A weekend off will do well.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

a poem to a departed friend

Oh dear friend
I have lost you forever, I think
You were always a warm body next to my face when I slept
You were always buzzing with joy, night and day

Oh dear friend
Where did I lose you?
Was it at the client's office, perhaps the car?
Was it during airport security when my jacket was ruffled upside down?

Tonight I will seem lost
Tomorrow morning I will be hear no buzz
I have sucked you out of my life, more so than when your batteries die
Today I lost my dear BlackBerry, and I think I may cry.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

okay okay I'm back. sorry for the hiatus. i shall resume saying weird things and maybe i'll even practice proper capitalization

Monday, June 9, 2008

Why were efficient cars in the the 80s and 90s always retarded looking? It's like car companies go of their way to dissuade and self-respecting person to even consider one

Sunday, June 8, 2008

el futbol

US vs. Argentina @ Giants Stadium

Saturday, June 7, 2008

signs you're desi #241

When you see free jam packages at a restaurant you feel compelled to take them home with you.

Oh Smuckers, how we love you so.

On a not-so-interesting sidenote, did you know the marmalade in America tends to be sweet while the British version is bitter?

The bitter part doesn't surprise me, it's just that I didn't know it was a Colonist vs. Empire sorta thing. Either way marmalade is still kinda yucky in my books along with most things that don't have artificial flavors and/or sweeteners.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Lamont the Goldfish & 1997

When I was in college my roommate and I had a 2 goldfish in our little bowl. We never bought them (or the bowl) but rather it was an offering from this girl Sheela who lived down the hall from us. A type of prasad if you will.

My goldfish, Leonard Part Six, died leaving Lamont as the sole master of the bowl. As you can see. our fish names were highly inspired by Bill Cosby.

Well one day Dan and I were studying when a kid Eric started playing with our fish. "Playing" of course meant that various people in our dorm would come into our room, tap the glass repeatedly shocking our fine finned friends, and then leave. Sometimes they would feed the fish order to provide more inputs to enable Lamont to swim amongst his/her feces.

Anyhoo, after several taps Eric yelled out to the Danny and myself "I think your fish is broken."
Now I don't know what it exactly means for a goldfish to be "broken" but whatever it is, our fish was it. Upon close examination we could see that every time you tapped the bowl the fish would dive towards the bottom for a few seconds, stop, and then float backwards to the top. Lamont kept doing this over and over.

Something was clearly awry. Lamont was broken. Either that or Lamont learned to moonwalk.

We couldn't figure out what was wrong. Lamont had been rather merry, or so it seemed, all day. In fact Sheela had just changed his water about an hour earlier. Hmm. Something was rotten in the state of Denmark, and it wasn't our fridge. Dan was now curious as well and so three kids were now staring at dear Lamont.

Perhaps Lamont was playing and so the logical thought was to put our finger in the water and flick it around a lil bit. Fish like splashing. But with one dip into the water the problem was clear: the water was like boiling hot! Sheela cleaned out the water alright but she replaced it with hot water!

Woe is Lamont! Woe is Lamont!

And with that we ran to the bathroom, threw Lamont into a styrofoam cup (which you've gotta imagine is rather traumatic for a fish to be taken out of a bowl, and thrown into another one...imagine the equivalent for a human, someone dunking you into water and then taking you out with no warning of when you should hold you breath) and replaced the water.

And that is the story of Lamont the Goldfish.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Separated at Birth: James Carville & Billy Corgan


This one took a little while to fully sink in because after seeing Democratic strategist James Carville a lot more than usual on TV the past few weeks I knew he looked like someone....someone near...someone dear.....ah yes! The voice of my non-existent high school teenage angst, the ego of the Smashing Pumpkins, Billy Corgan.

I'm just that good.

Now some people will say "hey Shakes, you just think they look alike because they are white and bald. I'm sorry I don't judge people by their outsides. That's just racist....unless of course I'm making a posting about white people who look alike.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

there's a fine line between being a fighter and being a sore loser...

"Hi I'm crazy delusional and won't accept when I've lose something. How are you?"

I'm sorry it's one thing to say that a person needs their own space to quit with grace and it's another thing to be a complete ass and not even acknowledge the guy you lost to made American history.

If the situation was reversed people would look at Barrack as being a sore loser and being very cheap. For some reason it's okay for her to try to blackmail (no pun intended) someone into getting a VP spot.

No offense yo, but giving the VP spot is not about appeasing crazy old ladies now, it's about finding a person you can work with over the next 4 years.

HIllary may win over some Democrats who are enraged now, but it will alienate Independents and Republicans who would've crossed over in November.

Also she's a liar. So you know, you got that too.