greetings from Manchester

Tomorrow's clash between Manchester United and Liverpool on what has been dubbed Grand Slam Sunday is what brings me to Madchester.

As I sit right now watching "Beverley Hills Cop 3,"a British classic, I figured I'd write to my adoring masses. Upon landing here I started getting a strange desire for Indian food, and as such I figured I'd get some for dinner.

After chatting with my cabbie, who was desi naturally, he guided me towards Akbar's. Allegedly it was one of the first trendy Indian restaurants in the city center and upon arrival the facts seemed to check out.

My adventures this evening included these noteworthy events:

• Pounds Are Heavy - After ordering a rum and coke at the bar the dude handed me a glass and said "3.60 sir." I said "3.60, are you sure you put alcohol in that. Boy that's cheap." And the guy looked at me like I was high." He gave me a blank stare. What the hell was going on?.....ah yes...3.60 pounds. That's about 8 Americano bucks. Hmph.

• Desi Star Power - I walked in and the two girls in front of me asked for a table for 2 to which the wait was allegedly an hour. I asked for a table for one and the guy said "don't worry boss, just wait for 5 minutes and we'll seat you..." The only other time that's ever worked is at Pongal in Murray Hill in the city. Non-desis get a nice 45 minute premium to their wait versus desis..

• Keep Your Asian Street Cred - After ordering butter chicken the waiter told me "Mate you're Asian, you must eat spicy food. The butter chicken ain't spicy. Here let me bring you another chicken dish"

At this point I'm sure a lot of you are left wondering the same question.... Shakes what does it look like when you dine by yourself? Well, I'll tell you. It looks like the picture on the left. Basically you sit in one seat and you dress up the opposite empty chair with your fleece. Having a hard time imagining it, look at the pic to the left (click to enlarge).

That's why I'm the writer and you're the reader. You have to always keep your head in the game to think of funny pictures to take.

Cheerio!