Thursday, January 3, 2008

Indian girl names / the racist & sexist post of the day

One of the funner things about being Indian is that judging a book by its cover is a common and encouraged practice. For instance based on last names your parents can tell you whether others are prone to have a keen business sense, be stingy, act irresponsibility, or just be bad joke tellers. You see, last names give a hint about their state of origin and hence the personal traits.

It's all really quite scientific.

As such, this trait-nomenclature can be extended to first names of Indian girls. I think one can associate certain characteristics with their first names. Now I'm definitely about to insult more than a few friends here because not all of these qualities apply 100%, but hey it's not like General Patton won all of his battles either.

Pooja - (alt. spelling Puja) For people with such religious overtones to their names, Pooja's tend to be the one in the group who are the most picky and headstrong.

Gita - see Pooja

Preeti - (alt. spelling Priti) Preetis are the cute one in the group who seem to get along well with everyone. While they don't like sports, they more than make up for it with a strange infatuation with strawberry waffles, dosas, and John Cusack movies. ("Oh Preets!"). Oddly she's actually the one that other girls love to secretly hate because she oblivious to everyone liking her.

Neeti - see Preeti

Reshma - Known best as being "Reshma Didi", Reshmas tend to be act like the elderly figure in groups...even when they're not the eldest. They usually end up doing something in medicine, but not necessarily brain surgery... something more like pharmacy.

Julie - Ah yes! The Anglo-Desi name. This is a hard one as it usually spells the seeds of a person who is trying to fight the right balance in the eternal struggle between Eastern value but Western sensibilities. Biodatas with no pictures need not apply.

Janakhi - Just like magnets attract...err....metal, Janakhis attract drama. No simple life situation can occur without Janakhis over reacting and telling others about how mean other people are. Janakhis also like enjoy making excessive wardrobe changes, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sonia - Most Sonia's are just plain mean. Why? Because they can be since often times they're hot. Such is the double-sides sword of desi women. They also have a good sense of fashion and tend to wear whites and blacks, but not colorful clothing. Many are heartless bitches. Some are okay.

Benali - No comment

Anjali - Generally agreeable people. But the weird thing is that they never seem to say bad things about other people. One of the time-honored desi traditions is shitting on people when they're not around and Anjali's just come up short on this one. It is for this reason that sometimes their actions are mistaken for being manipulative since they act like everyone's friend, but are they anyone's friend? The answer: unclear.

Rupal - Strong attitudes, mean spirited but without the benefit of the doubt that a Hot Sonia has. Also they are evil. I personally do not know any Rupals so I had to draw upon these view from one friend. Either he speaks for all Rupals or he just had a really bad experience with one particular Rupal. Either way he speaks the truth.

Priya- (alt. Priti) Priya's are usually in touch with their cultural roots having been involved in some sort of dance classes though high school. However post-college they have emerged into the overly party going drinking monster. They are terrible Angry-Drunks who end up cursing up a storm and have to be taken home. Dorky guys such as "Anands" try to help out during these moments of weakness by volunteering to take care of them. No relationship ever develops though as Priyas don't remember their help the next morning.

Bina - see Priya, minus the drinking aspect

Krunali - Oddly Krunalis always have the nice boyfriends who get treated like tatti, the kind you wonder "What did he do so wrong to get treated like that?"

Neha - Nehas are a little bit toooo progressive. Aunties and Uncles love Nehas but don't know that she drinks, does drugs and has publicly proclaimed on several occasions that she "never wants to marry an Indian guy" to her Korean friends who have said similar things about Korean guys.

Nisha - Small. Spunky. Insecure. Very similar to a Toyota Prius.

Purvi - Very religious and traditional. Their rooms were the favorite gathering spots at the ol' college dorms since they always had food and they seemed like such great listeners. The problem is that they never really remember anything you told them and it makes you wonder how close you are. But they have such great food that they bring from home every weekend (since they always go home every weekend) that it makes their character flaws forgivable. Also they like old Bollywood movies.

...and of course....

Richa/ Avani/ Nupur/ Monica/ Pallavi/ Rekha - Label whores. These ones wouldn't be caught dead without some gaudy designer label on either their purse, jeans, shirt, jacket, shoes, or headband. They act like they have "normal human quirks" but they don't really seem normal at all (must have 3 sugar packets with tall skim lattes, love Funions!, wear 2 pairs of socks every day, etc). Also they frown upon brown people hanging out with non-brown people.

1 comment:

Sonia said...

I am not a bitch!!!