Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Happy Birthday Bloggo: 2 years & 34,832 hits...

....although if you count the hits I had before the counter at the bottom was used, you get to a number of 42,000.

Imagine the beauty that so many people enjoy my views on Chapstick, politics, Indians, music, occasionally sports, and most importantly general human stupidity.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Harvey the Hound and Mascot Gate: The 5 year anniversary

Five year ago, in January of 2003 it happened. A landmark event that changed the landscape of human events in Canada. It wasn't a Parliamentary scandal. It wasn't a corporate meltdown. It wasn't even an oil spill off the coast of BC.

No. No. No.

It was bigger than all that.

During the third period of a Calgary/Edmonton game and the Flames where up 4-0. All hope seemed lost. It's at this point that famed Calgary mascot Harvey the Hound began to taunt the Oilers bench.

Harvey wouldn't stop and finally coach Craig MacTavish got fed up, leaned over, and ripped the foot-long, floppy red tongue off of Flames mascot and threw it into the crowd.

What's even funnier is the reaction of the Oiler players who started squirting Harvey with water bottles when he kept on leaning over. MacTavish even reached for a hockey stick but was calmed by Oilers trainer Kevin Lowe.

Ultimately security moved the mascot away.

The incident known as Mascot Gate (or should the proper spelling be one word, "mascotgate"?) inspired the Oilers to stage a rally in the third, scoring 3 goals before time finally ran out. Harvey would never be the same.

He was left speechless. Literally.

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

NHL All-Star weekend: Hotlanta

Look it's me!

Anze Kopitar: Is it weird for a 30 year old to have a kid 10 years younger than him be his hero? I don't think so.

Mr. Hockey! Gordie Howe. Too bad the old man didn't sign any autographs....even the Mighty Ducks players did that...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

...and now a summary of Sunday's thrilling Giants game for those of you who missed it ...

Who would've thunk that Eddie Murphy, or at least the writers for "Coming to America," would know in 1988 how the Giants-Packers NFC Championship game in 2008?

Remember, when you think of garbage think of Akeem....or at least kicker Lawrence Tynes two misses prior to the OT winner...

Monday, January 21, 2008

DJ Shakes_2008-01-21 (80s movies)

theme: 80s movie soundtracks

Ah yes, the 80s have been visited time and time again for everything ranging from movies to fashion. Of course along with this the music is typical thing that people look at. What I remember most is that for the most part movies back in the day had a lot of songs that were made by no-name bands specifically for the movie. Now you have soundtracks that are pretty much top artist compilations.

Not in the 1980s. No no no.

And anyone who truly loves 80s movies knows that the cheesey music is as much a part of the aesthetic as the character, plots, and hairdos.

So this mix is my favorite 1980s movie songs. Some of them as you'll see aren't exactly no-name bands, I guess there are exceptions to every rule. However there will be no playing of "Axel F" from Beverly Hills Cop. That is not a cheesey song. It was the anthem for a movement. Eddie Murphy's Dignity, RIP (1980-1994)

T R A C K L I S T I N G (approx 45min)

[0:00] Intro
[1:30] "National Lampoons Vacation": Lindsey Buckingham - Holiday Road
[3:40] "Ferris Buellar": The Flowerpot Men - Beat City
[5:30] "Top Gun": Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone
[7:38] "Say Anything": Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
[12:05] "The Last Dragon": DeBarge - Rhythm of the Night
[15:48] "Footloose": Deniece Williams - Let's Hear it for the Boy
[19:55] "Breakfast Club": Simple Minds - Don't You Forget About Me
[24:11] "Pretty in Pink": OMD - If You Leave
[28:29] "Pretty in Pink" Psychedelic Furs - Pretty in Prink
[31:23] James bond, "For Your Eyes Only": Sheena Easton - Title track
[34:55] "Back to the Future" - Huey Lewis - The Power of Love
[37:37] "Ghostbusters": Bobby Brown - On Our Own
[42:00] Every foreign movie montage... Plastic Bertrand - Ca Plane Pour Moi

And of course in the middle of the mix there's a Molly Ringwald tribute. What 80s mix would be complete without one?

DIRECTIONS: Right mouse click on the tracklisting above to save the entire mix (mp3) directly or Podcast Me! Simply drag the orange podcast icon on the top left of this page into your iTunes. Or:

1. goto iTunes
2. click on Advanced
3. click on Subscribe to Podcast:
4. paste this URL

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Romeo & Juliet: the fast food version

So I was perusing the old mall food court the other day when I laid my eyes on my usual stomping grounds: Taco Bell. Taco Bell has a remarkable ability of taking the same 7 ingredients and coming up with like 50 different menu items.

I was about to order when I noticed this event... which I took a picture of for merely scientific purposes. A Taco Bell employee is flirting with his Burger King counterpart. It's like the Montagues and Capulets all over again. Notice how the Burger King girls flirting is being monitored by a concerned co-worker.

In the olden days this kinda disobedience to family relations could've gotten you killed. Nowadays it means you know that your Taco Bell guy has a soft spot in his heart which can be exploited for extra hot sauce and napkins.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

fantastic theory #731: how the subprime crisis may be the reason we save the environment

This is my theory of the day. I thought of it while riding the escalator up from the subway. Here we go, this is my 13 step theory:

1) the sub-prime crisis is built upon people who shouldn't be able to get big loans getting them

people use these loans to not only buy big homes but use the money to buy other things like big cars and SUV's

sub-prime borrowers crash because they can no longer make their home payments and they can't sell their homes for a profit because home prices decline

crash of the sub-prime world affects borrowers and the mortgage companies

borrowers no longer can spend as much money and become conscious of their budgets

those employed by mortgages companies also lose their jobs and are put on tighter budgets

a large portion of the borrowers and lenders are based in California

Californians are the largest auto buyers and hence their preferences shape the cars that Detroit offers; it was the Cali love for SUV's in the 1990s which caused that car class to boom

with less money and higher gas prices Californians are looking for more economical cars

as Californians want more fuel efficient cars and hybrids, Detroit and Japan make more and more models available

the more accepting Californians are of cars with higher fuel standards, the more they will push car companies to offer that with legislation

Californian environmental legislation on car efficiency will ultimately determine US policy


So under my theory, the most important fact is that borrowers and lenders hardest hit by sub-prime live in the state which happens s most important to influencing the auto market. If the borrowers and lenders had been from Montana there would be no real auto and environmental impact.

Top that theory.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Doing Things Is What I Like To Do

I like to hear great speakers. I like to hear great speeches. I like to consider myself as being a learned person. Educated. Handsome. While I do love listening to Obama I've gotta say that nothing has stuck in my head in the recent past as much as .... the new Duncan Donuts commercial.
The song is "Doing Things IS What I like To Do" by They Might Be Giants

This song is killing me. It's stuck in my head and I can't make it go away.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Who is the old guy on the sidelines!?!?

Sometimes things happen in life just to make sure we're paying attention. While watching the Giants game right and seeing Amani Toomer break off a 50yard TD, the replay caught my eye....who is the old guy on the sidelines??

I dunno if he was digitally added just for the replay, but as my friend observed he's like closer to the sidelines than the players. El Hombre Viejo is ready to enter the game. It's possible that he may be the Galloping Ghost, Red Grange, a football star from the 1920s. He may also be a part of a program to promote literacy by placing literary characters from Charles Dickens novels on NFL sidelines.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

have you seen me?

I haven't written much because work is getting in the way of life. Day trips to Milwaukee, Atlanta, and my apartment leave little for doing much else. And it's with that I have nothing funny. Nothing sad. Not even good cab driver conversations.

The closest thing to adventure had been running through the Atlanta airport on Thursday and miraculously making it from the ticket counter through security to the terminal shuttle up an escalator and sprinting across Terminal B to within 19 minutes to make my flight while the doors were closing. When I got onto the plane and made a turn towards first class for my seat the flight attendant stopped me and jokingly asked "Where do you think you're going mister?"

I didn't know if she was serious or not and as I grasped for breath all I could muster was "I want to go home."

And with that my Saturday has consisted of me watching 15 hours of TV straight. What does a college graduate who's almost 30 watch all day? Well I'm glad you asked . Here's the rundown:

8am to noon
- English soccer: Arsenal / Birmingham
- English soccer: Manchester United / Newcastle

noon to 4pm
- Wii: Super Mario Galaxy
- LA Kings hockey (they actually beat Dallas!)
4pm to 1am
- NFL Playoffs: Packers/ Seahawks
- Godfather 3
- more Wii
- NFL Playoffs: Patriots/ Jags
- Vanilla Sky

... and it's while watching "Vanilla Sky" that I'm struck with three things:

1) I have not showered today

2) a hypothetical movie soundtrack should be my next podcast

3) The scene were Tom Cruise walks through a vacant Times Square is awesome....and it will always remind me of the sight that I had while getting off the 9-train at Time Square from the Upper West Side on September 12th morning. I trekked to work after spending the night at my friend's place and the whole area was deserted and quiet. It was surreal.

But luckily that morning did not involve Tom Cruise running by me.

Monday, January 7, 2008

skating & yelling at kids

One thing which is important for all people who are almost 30 is to exhibit a sense of maturity and class in the way you carry yourself and deal with others. That is why I was compelled to a tell this 12 year old kid at the local skating rink yesterday that he sucked.

Saying that I told him he sucked isn't a funny summary of my remarks to him which could've included "Hey I don't think you're nice" or "Stop talking to me" no no. I literally say "You suck."

As much as I love hockey (go Kings go!) it always struck me as a bit weird that I had never actually skated before. So with that I was skating for the first time and while making one of my forays away from the rink's wall, the crutch of choice for novices, I fell on my ass. This is nothing new. However as I was getting up a little bastard was laughing saying "Hahaah! You fell so hard... you really stink"

I said in between his little banter "Shut up!". Classy. I followed that with "You suck, at least I'm trying to skate instead of walking along the boards."

The kid had been was walking around the rink the whole night semi-rudely saying to people in his way "Excuse me!" So to be fair the kid had been pissing me off for a little while before.

The Ice Demon then putzed over to his dad and told on me. That dad never approached me though. At this point I was thinking to myself "Dude I'm 29 and I'm picking on a kid less than half of my age." At this point I know what a lot of you are thinking, "why does Shakes refer to himself as 'dude' in his inner voice?" Why you ask? Because it just feels right. But that's neither here nor there. So I found the kid and yelled out "Hey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be mean" to which he replied "ahhhuugh"

What a little bastard.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Aussie Aussie Aussie, oink oink oink!

So India just lost the second Test match to Australia which featured:

- one accusation of racism by the Aussies and against an Indian (which no third party had heard)
- TEN outs via umpire decisions going against the Indian
- at least one Aussie who was out but didn't leave the field because the umpire didn't rule him out....he would later go onto score 150 more runs essentially beating the Indians

Now I'm no expert on cricket but there are two things I know:

1) Questionable umpire decisions happen in every match... I mean there are definitely one or two decisions by an umpire that are 50/50 and can go either way. That's just the way it is. But ten umpire decisions is unheard of. The technical term is that's fucked up.

2) If there's one thing you do in cricket, it's respect tradition and leave when you know you're out. The customary tradition is to start walking off the field before an umpire makes his decision. If you think about this, this is incredible. Imagine watching a baseball game where a batter walks off before the ump yells strikes 3. But that's the way cricket is. Thus a player stating that they stayed in despite knowing they were out (he touched a ball that was caught as opposed to steering clear of it) goes against the ethics of the game.

I don't wanna be too preachy but all I will say is that if Australians want to say that things like this happen and we should all get on with it, then fine, but that mentality also means that they shouldn't complain at all when other people don't exhibit proper sportsmanship and they the Aussies who got booted out of the 2006 World Cup by the Italians because of a questionable penalty kick call on a dive in the sixth minute of extra time in the second half.

Umpires makes bad calls and players shouldn't be expected to act with class. But that's just a part of the game aye matey?

Saturday, January 5, 2008

John Edwards = Jack Tripper = Zach Braff?

Okay well here's my separated at birth for the day...I can't look at John Edwards without thinking that he looks like John Ritter (yes Jack Tripper) who in turn looks like Zach Braff

The John Ritter/Zach Braff one is well acknowledeged as Ritter once guest starred on Scrubs like two seasons ago., but you gotta love the Edwards one. Either that or you can just argue that maybe all white people just look alike.

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Thursday, January 3, 2008

Indian girl names / the racist & sexist post of the day

One of the funner things about being Indian is that judging a book by its cover is a common and encouraged practice. For instance based on last names your parents can tell you whether others are prone to have a keen business sense, be stingy, act irresponsibility, or just be bad joke tellers. You see, last names give a hint about their state of origin and hence the personal traits.

It's all really quite scientific.

As such, this trait-nomenclature can be extended to first names of Indian girls. I think one can associate certain characteristics with their first names. Now I'm definitely about to insult more than a few friends here because not all of these qualities apply 100%, but hey it's not like General Patton won all of his battles either.

Pooja - (alt. spelling Puja) For people with such religious overtones to their names, Pooja's tend to be the one in the group who are the most picky and headstrong.

Gita - see Pooja

Preeti - (alt. spelling Priti) Preetis are the cute one in the group who seem to get along well with everyone. While they don't like sports, they more than make up for it with a strange infatuation with strawberry waffles, dosas, and John Cusack movies. ("Oh Preets!"). Oddly she's actually the one that other girls love to secretly hate because she oblivious to everyone liking her.

Neeti - see Preeti

Reshma - Known best as being "Reshma Didi", Reshmas tend to be act like the elderly figure in groups...even when they're not the eldest. They usually end up doing something in medicine, but not necessarily brain surgery... something more like pharmacy.

Julie - Ah yes! The Anglo-Desi name. This is a hard one as it usually spells the seeds of a person who is trying to fight the right balance in the eternal struggle between Eastern value but Western sensibilities. Biodatas with no pictures need not apply.

Janakhi - Just like magnets attract...err....metal, Janakhis attract drama. No simple life situation can occur without Janakhis over reacting and telling others about how mean other people are. Janakhis also like enjoy making excessive wardrobe changes, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sonia - Most Sonia's are just plain mean. Why? Because they can be since often times they're hot. Such is the double-sides sword of desi women. They also have a good sense of fashion and tend to wear whites and blacks, but not colorful clothing. Many are heartless bitches. Some are okay.

Benali - No comment

Anjali - Generally agreeable people. But the weird thing is that they never seem to say bad things about other people. One of the time-honored desi traditions is shitting on people when they're not around and Anjali's just come up short on this one. It is for this reason that sometimes their actions are mistaken for being manipulative since they act like everyone's friend, but are they anyone's friend? The answer: unclear.

Rupal - Strong attitudes, mean spirited but without the benefit of the doubt that a Hot Sonia has. Also they are evil. I personally do not know any Rupals so I had to draw upon these view from one friend. Either he speaks for all Rupals or he just had a really bad experience with one particular Rupal. Either way he speaks the truth.

Priya- (alt. Priti) Priya's are usually in touch with their cultural roots having been involved in some sort of dance classes though high school. However post-college they have emerged into the overly party going drinking monster. They are terrible Angry-Drunks who end up cursing up a storm and have to be taken home. Dorky guys such as "Anands" try to help out during these moments of weakness by volunteering to take care of them. No relationship ever develops though as Priyas don't remember their help the next morning.

Bina - see Priya, minus the drinking aspect

Krunali - Oddly Krunalis always have the nice boyfriends who get treated like tatti, the kind you wonder "What did he do so wrong to get treated like that?"

Neha - Nehas are a little bit toooo progressive. Aunties and Uncles love Nehas but don't know that she drinks, does drugs and has publicly proclaimed on several occasions that she "never wants to marry an Indian guy" to her Korean friends who have said similar things about Korean guys.

Nisha - Small. Spunky. Insecure. Very similar to a Toyota Prius.

Purvi - Very religious and traditional. Their rooms were the favorite gathering spots at the ol' college dorms since they always had food and they seemed like such great listeners. The problem is that they never really remember anything you told them and it makes you wonder how close you are. But they have such great food that they bring from home every weekend (since they always go home every weekend) that it makes their character flaws forgivable. Also they like old Bollywood movies.

...and of course....

Richa/ Avani/ Nupur/ Monica/ Pallavi/ Rekha - Label whores. These ones wouldn't be caught dead without some gaudy designer label on either their purse, jeans, shirt, jacket, shoes, or headband. They act like they have "normal human quirks" but they don't really seem normal at all (must have 3 sugar packets with tall skim lattes, love Funions!, wear 2 pairs of socks every day, etc). Also they frown upon brown people hanging out with non-brown people.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008