Friday, December 21, 2007

Even more urinal etiquette #673

It is a scientific fact that falling liquid makes a louder noise when it hits another body of water as opposed to a slab of porcelain. Porcelain is sleek and smooth. Water magnifies the noise.

As I was sitting at work yesterday, waiting to finish work to go home and hang out with my family who decided to spend the holidays in NY with me, I did what all people would do after drinking lots of water: I went to pee.

As I went to the urinal I saw another person standing next to me. Anyone who has read my last post knows that this group urination seems to be a constant theme in my life lately. This however my peeing counterpart did not stretch out his arms like the last subject did. Instead he did something much more belligerent.

What he did was just cheap and pathetic school boy antic. It's the oldest trick in the books. Instead of peeing against the back of the porcelain urinal to make a low sounds, this ass-clown started to pee right into the small puddle of water at the bottom. This ends up creating a booming noise. The strategy also creates a vicious cycle because the more you pee the more liquid that gathers in the urinal and thus creates an even grander noise.

The ultimate effect of the cacophony of urinal falls is that it ends up looks like this guy is able to make such a huge racket with his pee while I'm just like the silent pee man who can't even muster us a stream. The real problem is that once the assclown started making all his noise I was unable to concentrate.

I'm not saying I need total silence or anything to use my putter, don't get me wrong I'm not a golfer, I'm just saying that I need to be a respectful urination environment. If I'm in a bar or a stadium, then I expect some noise and the obligatory resting of a beer on the porcelain mini counter that is the urinal. If I'm at work I expect at least a little bit of decorum. I'm not looking for a male fighting dance, akin to a boxer walking into the ring with an entourage and a pre-planned dance.

That's just uncouth.

No comments: