Thursday, September 20, 2007

man kills both grandmothers, misses soccer game

In a bizarre but sad twist over the past week Irish national soccer player Stephen Ireland (fitting last name, no?) killed off both his grandmothers. Well it's not as bad as it sounds, but it's a lot goofier.

Prior to an important qualifying match, Stephen learned that his girlfriend had a miscarriage. Stephen understandably wanted to spend time with the girl but he didn't think the national team would excuse him from their game for that reason, so he made up an excuse. He claimed his grandmother died.

When team officials realized that his maternal grandmother was alive and well (in Cork), Stephen changed his story...he claimed his paternal grandmother was the one who died. Well as it turns out she was carrying along quite well too (in London). After a few days of utter confusion Stephen came forward and told Irish officials the truth.

All of this set-up one of the funniest press conferences ever:
"I sincerely apologise, particularly as I caused a lot of problems for many people. I would like to apologise to my grandmothers and all my family for any distress I have caused them." - Stephen Ireland
"Distress"?! Dude how would you feel if you were some old Irish lady minding your own business and you learned that your grandson had claimed you were dead. Worst yet he had done this annoying snot-nosed grandson had done this a week.

Way to go Stephen. You killed off your grandmothers and you think a small apology to them will suffice.

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