I like to consider myself as a pretty simple person. It takes very little to make me happy. For example, let's create a hypothetical scenario: What if I was hungry and I had no food? Would I need a nice lasagna or ravioli to make me feel full and satisfied? No. I say naaaay. Nay. All someone has to do is give me a cupcake. I could eat chocolate cupcakes and I be very happy. Now what if I told you this: I have eaten cupcakes and Coke for dinner many-a-time. Blammo. I know, I know. It's shocking.
Speaking of cupcakes and my dietary issues, I like T-shirts. At times I get weird urges and then I feel the urge to act on them. For example White Castle. Enough said. But I digress: Last week I felt the need to buy a Chemical Brothers shirt (a replacement for an old one) and a Cookie Monster shirt.
The aforementioned Cookie Monster shirt had the catchy and yet highly pop-culture centric line "Got Cookie?" In some ways it's a simple question from a blue puppet, in other ways it's a cry for help from a monstrous dough addict. It's really quite a biting shirt. It hits on lots of big life themes, many of which are too numerous and highly self-evident to elaborate on here.
Well on Saturday the package from AllPosters.com (oddly enough "All Posters" doesn't just sell only poster, they dabble in shirts) arrived in the mail and yours truly was more than pleased to unleash the new threads. The first grab into the manila envelope yielded my gray Chemical Brothers shirt. It's exotic heather gray colorings with black lettering basically screamed to anyone looking that the artistic gem was quite a steal at only $18.99 + tax. Round 1: Success.
So reaching into the envelope again I knew that I was about to behold the fabled Monster du Cookie. Only there was no Cookie Monster to be found. Oh no. There was no shirt with his likeness or any other dough junkie to be found. Oh no. Instead I pulled out of the envelope an Alice in Chains t-shirt. What the fuck. How can any quality control person at AllPosters.com sleep at night with such a massive failure on their minds? Yes I know my children, it's unclear to me as well.
Round 3: Failure.
My life is filled with highs and lows. Sometimes they are public, sometimes they are private. But at least at the end of the day I can look at myself in the mirror and say "Hey, you don't partake in genocide, and that makes you a better person than your neighbors in apartment #503."