Thursday, June 21, 2007

Spot The Desi: #9

One of my more popular things I used to do was spotting desis out in public and giving you, the viewing audience, tips on how to spot places of high Indian probability. This edition is a classic one that should be helpful for novices to hone their mad skillz.

While taking the train into the city over the weekend the relative order and calm of my train station was destroyed by a tribe of Indians.

Here are several tell-tale signs that the ethnic group in question was in fact of and/or relating to the South Asian diaspora:

1) The girls were well dressed but they were on a train to....Newark
2) The group felt the need to take no fewer than 8 group photos...on the train platform
3) The name "Priya" was said aloud several times
4) Two girls had similar black & white dresses and never stood closer than 15 feet away from each other
5) Many of the males had adopted a quasi valley-girl vernacular by saying the phrase "like totally dude" frequently
6) Come on, we're in Jersey, there's a pretty good chance that any large gathering of people are Indians

But wait, there's more! I know what a lot of you are thinking right now, "Shakes while your words are wise and true, how did you get to by so fly?" Well don't you pay attention to anything that Mims says? I'm hot 'cause I'm fly. All people who are are fly are hot, although to be fair all people who are hot are not necessarily fly. There's a good article in the Village Voice that goes through various graphical schematics to dissect Mim's riveting song. In other words, imagine a ven diagram as pictured to the left.

But all of this jibber-jabber is just a digression. Back to the Indians at hand! I shall do the most awesome job of predicting events that would occur throughout the course of their night:

1) They were going to a desi party (duh)
2) At some point there will be a fight amongst wannabe thugged Indians wearing matching white loafers purchased from a little boutique that I like to call Aldo.
3) This "Priya" character would be torn between two guys
4) One of the girls would get her dress "accidentally" ruined and proceed to turn Medieval Desi-style on the unsuspecting culprit
5) Half of the girls will fall into the camp of being "sad drunks" (as opposed to the other two potential categories: "happy drunks" and "angry drunks")
6) Someone (usually a girl) will lose her cellphone causing the lowly Rahul to spend the rest of his night trying to find it and win her affection, sadly it will not receive anything more than a drunken "thank yooou"

These, my friends, are the common elements in any large desi outting.

1 comment:

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