Saturday, June 2, 2007

NASCAR couture / tourist spotting

As a rule, no New Yorker likes NASCAR. People in the city don't really drive and hence a sport built around modified cars built to outrun police during the Prohibition Era fails to hit the mark with this demographic on several fronts. The fact that we live in the North is just one of them. It's sorta like going to Darfur and asking why the locals do not like Hot Dog eating contests.

As such one sure-fire way of spotting tourists during the dreaded fifth season of the year (spring, summer, fall, winter, & tourist season) is seeing the abundance of NASCAR couture in the city....specifically around the areas of 41st to 49th street, between 6th and 8th Avenues...the dreaded Time Square. No real New Yorker has been spotted there since Mayor Dinkins in the early 1990s (aside from of course a certain brown person who frequents the Virgin Records there).

NASCAR couture was in force this weekend as I spotted (but was unsuccessful in getting a picture of) Dale Earnhardt jackets, t-shirts, and of course hats. My favorite was a football jersey with his name on the back. In my own opinion NASCAR is pretty boring... I mean they only make left turns over the course of 4 hours. I only watch for the crashes. From a physics perspective since a Force is applied but there is no displacement, no Work has been accomplished.

While out of towners often wonder how come everyone knows they're tourists, just take a look in the mirror...here are a few dead giveaways:

1) You have a styrofoam Statue of Liberty crown
2)
You've been to the Statue of Liberty (guilty)
3)
You wear a fannie pack...proudly in the front. You know it's called a fannie pack for a reason, because it goes over your fannie. Wearing it in front makes it a...um....groinal pack
4)
You keep on looking up while walking around
5)
When random guys yell out "free comedy shows!" you decide to have a conversation.
6)
Being in an area with lights and large amounts of people that is neither a (i) sporting event or (ii) book burning ceremony, excites you
7)
You think the cemetery on Wall Street is related to the ceremonies from 9/11 are and hence take pictures of it for no reason....without realizing that the weirdos at the Church put up Halloween decorations on the tombstones during October
8)
ESPN Zone is considered the finest restaurant the city has to offer
9)
You don't realize that everyone is listening to you in the subway

As you can see, your outwardly support for Dale Earnhardt through your clothing is just one of the signs. I would say the same thing about Kyle Bush, but c'mon everyone knows that you're supposed to hate him...

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