Thursday, May 17, 2007

turning sickness

At some point in the life of every child, it happens. It's a moment that defines all of us and that we all share. Usually it occurs when you're sitting at home, eating dinner with the family, and you realize that there are basically no TV shows that everyone in the family would actually enjoy together. This usually results in people splitting off into different rooms of the house to sit in front of a TV of their choice.

However in the scenario where the family actually eats together everyone quickly realizes that the only forms of safe programming tend to be something on the Food Network or the news. This is a bad sitch indeed. No one wins with the news. No one. However, there does exist one glimmer of hope, one chance of actually watching with excitement, chase scenes, violent deaths, and soporific narration. I'm talking of course about nature channels, and at some point in every child's life you have seen (at least once) the epic life and times of the wildebeest.

Now the wildebeest is far from being one of nature's noble animals. It sorta looks like a consortium of spare parts slapped on together in an odd Darwinian joke. Be that as it may, there is something weirdly alluring about the wildebeest that makes you watch for over an hour about their migration patterns, mating, and eventual deaths. It is in the struggles however that a curious scene is played out repeatedly in all wildebeest specials, it's a scene that provides one of the rare common threads that tie all of humanity. While nature shows tend to have a ton of facts the one thing which sticks in everyone's heads, according to my empirical analysis and research, is the fact that elder wildebeest can be stricken with Turning Sickness.

Yes, Turning Sickness. I know many of you hadn't thought about this since you watched the Discovery Channel in the 5th grade, but you read my words correctly. Little do you (the reader at home) know that we (the collective "we") all know about Turning Sickness.

For those of you who don't know (perish the thoughts!) in a cruel joke to the 2nd tier all-stars in God's animal kingdom, some wildebeest are afflicted with this disease that enables them to only walk in circles. Basically they will walk in circles until they collapse from exhaustion or hunger and die. It's really quite sad. But for whatever reason that is the one thing you think about when wildebeest come up in everyday conversation, whether on the street or at a lounge. Turning Sickness, Turning Sickness, Turning Sickness

Try it sometime as a pick-up line, 60% of the time it works every time. Why is it that a staggering amount of kids have heard about this, as opposed to some fact about lions and tigers? I dunno, it's beyond me, but I just know that it's true.

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