Saturday, May 5, 2007

european, i'm-a-peein', wouldn't you like to be a-peein' ?

One of the weirdest places for human interaction are public restrooms. For whatever reason all normal and civilized behavior gets checked at the door, revealing people in their true state of nature. What's weirder is that people tend to act weirder at work bathrooms then in bathrooms open to the general masses.

One moment you're in a meeting someone the next moment you're standing next to them at the urinal and they feel the need to completely remove their pants. It's like "whoa, hey now, stop it there." Other popular moves include when guys decide to put one hand on the wall and one hand at their hip while peeing. It's as if they're in some police line-up and the cops asked them to assume the position. Also interestingly it looks like they're acting up the little children's song "I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout..."

Meanwhile the sitch in the stall is a bit different. Usually the most prized stalls are the ones where someone has fortunately left a newspaper or something on the floor for you to read as you sit there. What's funny is that I don't like touching the paper because (1) it's on the floor and (2) it's in the bathroom, so I end up reading whatever the paper is opened to...over and over again. At the most if I'm a bit daring I'll try the suave move of using my feet to turn the page, but that has varying degrees of success.

Back at the urinals things can only get worse though. While peeing you become a captive audience as others sometimes feel comfortable having conversations with you. I'm sure there's a Supreme Court First Amendment argument here about speech to captive audiences, but I digress. I'm sorry but there are three sacred recurring events that happen in my day: when I shower in morning, when I'm eating lunch, and when I'm in the bathroom. If people are talking to me in the bathroom I find it difficult to focus on the task at hand. Peeing. So usually I end up just standing there... waiting...waiting....not being able to pee....and waiting for them to stop. I'd like to think I'm not alone in this, or at least I hope I'm not.

1 comment:

Rush said...

Question: when in stall, don't boys hover so as not to touch the backside and inner parts of their thighs to the dirty toilet seat? Girls always hover, that's why we have strong thighs. It's the original thighmaster, if you will.

In a weird way, I'm kinda glad I have this open forum to discuss all things bathroom.