Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Surya the Apprentice: The Barbara Walters Interview

Okay as many of you know Surya Yalamanchili is the greatest semi-current non-American Idol brown hope on TV was recently booted from "The Apprentice." After a slight delay yours truly was able to get a proper interview with him. You wanted hard hitting in-your-face journalism, you got it!....or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof. Anyhoo, enjoy:

Me: Okay you were up close and personal with the Donald, is his hair real?
Surya: The hair is actually computer-generated. Like the stuff that they made Shrek and Toy Story with. In fact up close, he's under 3 feet tall. It's pretty amazing.

Me: Professionally speaking, how distracting was Ivanka Trumps' hotness?
Surya: Shakes, if you had actually watched the show you'd see that I haven't actually met Ivanka on the show! She was around for a few seconds that first episode but then I don't think I ever saw her again.

Me: What is harder, steering through reality TV show contestants or finding your way through the desi scene at Rutgers?
Surya: I have nothing funny to offer here. Reality TV contestants are crazy and mean. Most of the people I met at Rutgers were just crazy. I kid, Rutgers is the greatest University in the world. Seriously.

Me: Why is it that every time we saw you on the show you appeared as being either overly anal or borderline crazy?
Surya: Because I am. There was no editing. In fact, they probably made me look more normal with their editing so I wouldn't scare anyone. They're very kind in that way.

Me: Indian parents are concerned about everything their kids do in public. Did your parents have any reservations about you being on the show?
Surya: No. My parents are great. I do think that my mom wanted to destroy her TV every Sunday night though. Well, actually, she told me that she couldn't watch the show on Sunday nights because when she did she couldn't go to sleep since she was so irritated. Aaah, the power of TV : )

Me: Are there any Apprentice groupies?
Surya: Yes. It would seem so. I count you as amongst them...hahahahahah. I'm sorry, that was unduly harsh. [editor's note: ziiing!] It's ridiculous. Much like the situation for ex-Californians who now work on Wall Street in NYC. It's sweet.

Me: At which point in time did you most feel that violence towards a fellow contestant was the most logical course of action?
Surya: I'm a big fan of Gandhi. Ben Kingsley did a good job in the movie, and I read his bio when I was younger. I even have a stamp. But as I sat at camp with Team Arrow, and wished death upon them all, I wanted us all to be blind. But that was also balanced out by the fact that I wondered if I could donate our eyes to charity or something. You know, Gandhi's "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind" makes a lot of sense. Until you'd rather be blind than deal with idiots around you. My answer, violence was the most logical course of action quite frequently. I wussed out though.

Me: Are we going to see you on VH1 on one of its parade of b-rated celebrity reality shows alongside Eric Estrada from CHiPs?
Surya: Oh, yes. My application to Real World meets Survivor is in the mail. Oh wait, I was just on that show...

Me: Why did you run for Rutgers student body president?
Surya: So I could be blood-thirsty despot.

Me: How many desis are really at Rutgers?
Surya: 32,419

Me: So what happens to you know? Is the show helping you in your everyday normal life or is it a distraction from people who think they know you?
Surya: I've gone back to regular life and am working on some cool(er) things that I didn't do before. I'm writing a book that's due out end of '07 on politics. I also just launched a blog: It's all about how the 2008 election is a farce, just like reality TV. It's all about exposing the sham! There should be some other cool stuff that I can talk about shortly...

Me: What is one moment where due to TV show editing or just a lack of cameras around did we the audience miss the true story being a scene?
Surya: When I threw James, Frank and Stefani out the window. Trump was so impressed he fired all three of them.

Me: Do you ever think that Trump is just full of himself?
Surya: We didn't spend enough time together for me to get that impression. I was taken aback at the fact that he was 3" tall and had computer generated hair though.

Me: Does anyone really want to be his Apprentice?
Surya: Yes. Ivanka and Don Jr. Mini-Apprenti.

Me: Did you celebrate Holi while on the show?
Surya: Yes. But Trump was not impressed wen I doused him in 4 colors. He said he would get his revenge. Sure enough 3 episodes later. Bam. I'm fired. There's the under-reported story. I got fired because DT hates Holi.

So there you have it. Surya also has his own bloggo HERE. And with that we can all go back to reading about the hair apparent, Sanjaya....

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