Thursday, March 8, 2007

air whores

Carving out your own personal space in a public setting is the sorta thing in life which may cause the highest amount of silent stress amongst individuals. Actually I have no idea if that statement is true. I really have no idea. But, I do know this it bothers me, and that's what counts.

When flying there are more than a few potential flashpoints with fellow passengers that can cause angst. Luckily for you, I'm bothered by all of them. One of them is course is the mutual hand-rest between you and the person next to you. Who gets it? Does the person in the aisle or window seat have to automatically surrender it to the guy in the middle seat, by virtue of them having a shittier seat? OR is it acceptable to share the hand-rest, with one person take the back part of it, the other the front? While I don't think there's a clear answer to this, one place where there is not a disputed territory in my books is the ground space. If I'm sitting next to you, you sure as hell better not stick your foot into the imaginary bubble of my seat space. If you do make that mistake, it's on bitches. It's on.

If you stick your foot or toes in my area I have no problem for making things perfectly awkward by sticking my foot out to reclaim my space. If our feet and/or legs touch I'm willing to keep my foot for an extended period of time making it awkward for everyone. And while I probably hate the whole sitch and would feel more uncomfortable than you, I'm willing to make that sacrifice, are you?

The other thing which pisses the shit out of me is when you de-plane (how can people make up arbitrary verbs out of a noun?) and people don't allow alternate rows on either side of the aisle to get off first. Instead some people jump the gun and try to just race out of the plane without following the International Plane Code of Conduct. It's sorta like when road construction causes a forced merger of two lanes and instead of having alternating lanes take turns in merging, some asshole decides not to wait and go right ahead. Why do people do this? Why? Does it really pay off to be 10 feet ahead of me? It doesn't matter anyways because in the case of the getting off the plane I'm going to walk faster than you in the terminal anyways.

Furthermore I'm a vindictive mofo. I will do things that are actually a disservice to me with the sole intent of making you realize that you have failed in your quest of leaving before me. In other words, I'm willing to skip going to the bathroom once in the terminal in order to catch up to you, Line Skipper/Plane Code Violator. Stopping off at the bathroom means you will have too much of a head start to makeup without sprinting. In order to really beat you I must act like I'm not even trying hard. Hence, no potty break, even if I really have to go. That's just a risk I'm willing to take.


witnee said...

oh my. I hope the rest of your travel week goes better my friend.

Shakes said...

do not worry, there shall be more complaints coming soon