Monday, January 29, 2007

being a liar, Loud Talkers, and Ohio

Have you ever met a strangers and just had an intense desire to lie to them? I'm not talking about having a problem with ramapnt lies, but just like little lies. For example have you ever had a conversation with a stranger in a waiting room or something and you get this desire to impress them for no reason? Even though after 45 seconds of conversation you have a very strong feeling that you really do not like this person at all....and yet....for some reason you feel the need to make this person see that you have a rather high Awesomeness Quotient by telling an outlandish story.

Why should I want to impress people I don't like. I mean it's not like I'm in high school anymore.

On Friday I was stuck in a lovely airport in Ohio for 4 hours longer than I needed to be when had the misfortune of a Loud Talker sitting next to me. Every bad airport situation usually has a Loud Talker, someone who fulfills most of the following criteria:
1) They like to show others that they travel frequently (e.g. stories about other airports or "Europe" are frequently topics of discussion).
2) Someone who behaves in a manner such that any travel delays or airline inefficiencies are being done for the sole purpose of screwing up their day. The fact that several hundred other passengers are also feeling the pain is purely a side issue.
3) Someone who talks loud, hence the name Loud Talker.

In my case my Loud Talker of choice on Friday afternoon was a woman who had the following rant: "I can't believe we're delayed here, the weather is great, why are they doing this. They are gonna make it real hard for me make my connecting flight to London. You know in London just can't handle anything. I went there once and they cancelled flights because a tornado came. I asked them 'how many people died?' and they said 'no one, just saw cars were dented.' I can't believe that..." At this point some older woman nodded in agreement adding "those English just don't know anything."

I'm sorry, but I may be tired, hungry, and a little annoyed about being stuck at the airport, but I was not about to have some second-rate citizens try to pretend like they were more cosmopolitan than I. I'm like the James Bond of Indians, minus the women, adventures, and neat gadgets. Plus the old woman was wearing a sweater with a hand stiched dog on it. I am not gonna stand for that.

It's at this point that I got the urge to make up a whimsical story about how this whole experience is nothing, that I've been through far worse. The problem of course is that I really haven't. I mean everyone's been delayed at an airport. If only I had a distinguishing story...something dramatic... if only I had been in a plane crash or something. Sadly I have not.

It is at this point that I proved that I was better than my Newark-bound counterparts...I didn't say anything. Some of you may read this and say "Hey, wait a second Shakes, how come you just change the rules in order to make yourself look good no matter what the outcome is." Well, that's the reason I'm the writer and you're the reader. Life isn't fair. You have 24hours in your day, I've got 25. Taste the rainbow, biznatch.

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