Sunday, November 26, 2006

a day in the life of my dog Kobe

I woke up today and watched as the Younger one slept on the couch downstairs. The sun started making things bright so I jumped on him and lick his face. He turned over. I shall slide on the blanket. The mom came and started speaking to me in Hindi. I do not understand. I must pee. I stand in front of the back door and it is opened and I go out and pee. I see an oppossum. I shall hug him with my teeth and shake him vigorously. I will do that later. I am done peeing.

Food and water have been given to me. The others are awake now. They give me various names and call me as such, I want my ball. I go get my ball. Ball makes me happy.

I sleep now.

They are now putting their shoes on, implying that they must leave soon. I will goto the backyard and refuse to come in. This will delay their departure. The Older one has come with the ball. I do not want the ball now. They are playing mind games with me. The Father one now has come speaking something to me. He has placed chicken in my bowl inside. I must go get the chicken.

They have tricked me; the door is locked behind me and now they are able to leave. Why do they toy with me as such? I will not play with them. They leave. I will not touch my food now.

I sleep now.

I see noises from outside. The car is back. I must quickly gather my bone and toys as an offering to them. The door has opened and now I shall attack them with love. Alas I do not have thumbs and hence cannot use tools. There are so many of them and I merely have my mouth to bring the offerings. I must run around the house in rabid fashion in order to greet them.

I shall now eat my food and play with them in the living room. I make small noises and call them various names but they do not understand my simple commands. Instead they make up various names and direct them towards me. I think they are referring to me. They are dumb. If it wasn't for my barking they would never know when they phone rings.

I am tired from this activity and need some alone time. First I must pee though. I stand by the door and it opens. I now pee.

Peeing is good. I must find ball now and play. I want to now attack a plastic bag. The bag is evil, akin to the gardeners who come on Tuesday and chop up my pee sod.

They are eating food now. I shall peacefully watch and hope they give me some. The Elder One gives me little snacks. I shall attack him first. No dice. The Mom has a soft heart, perhaps she will give me cheese too. I shall wag my tail vigorously.

My charm offensive did not work. I wagged my tail many a time. I just got puppy chow with little chicken here and there. I shall not eat the dog food part.

I am sleepy now. I shall sleep.


AB said...

"I sleep now"

hey hey... In Kobe's defence, Roger Federer speaks like that as well.

If it wasn't for my barking they would never know when they phone rings.

Shakes said...

hahaah, that's awesome that you remembered the Roger Federer post. and i swear, our dog sorta howls differently when he hears the phone versus any other random daily event, he really does notify people when it rings

Whitney said...

i wonder if kobe would notice if i flew out to cali, tranquilized him with LOTS of turkey and brought him back to Virginia. I'd have a ball for him and make random comments in broken hindi. and he could still pee.
i think he might be happy.
I know I would.

Shakes said...

while touching, your comments of kidnapping (dognapping?) my dog and shipping him cross-country are slightly disturbing. you shall be disowned as my friend. forever.

Whitney said...

Aww c'mon, I'd let you come visit him.

Asian Friend said...

This was the cutest post ever. Add me to the list of people who want to dognap Kobe. He can be friends with my friend's terrier mix who is also named Kobe (an unfortunate spelling error, she was supposed to be Cobi like the footballer).