Wednesday, October 18, 2006

old people in Columbus & babies as liquid transporters

There are a lot of funny things in the world, you just sorta have to pay attention. No place screams of fun and hilarity quite like the airport. I was in Ohio today (that's not the funny part) when the usual chaos and frustration around the security check begin. One of the security guys was solely responsible for manning a table where people could place their water bottles, gels, and other banned liquid materials. Thus as people passed by the table while moving in line, they would part with any displeasing items.

A slight chuckle came when an old guy started asking if his bottle of shampoo was permissible. The security guy responded "is it small, less than 3oz?" The old guy, let's call him Walter for the sake of our little story, replied "no, it's bigger, I dunno, but I need the shampoo!" At this point yours truly started giggling. What had been lost upon everyone there was the fact that it was ridiculous how much Walter was protesting to keep his shampoo, when he was in fact nearly bald. Not only does dandruff seem to be the least of his worries, but even if he did need it he probably needs veeerrrry little. Perhaps enough for a strand or two of hair. Mayhapsly.

At this point the man opened up his carry on bag and started sifting through it on the ground, looking for his shampoo, or "the 'poo" as they'd say in the hair care industry. So while Walter was searching for his poo I decided that this was a good chance to interject my 2 cents worth... which for any of you out there who've ever had the pleasure of working with me or going to school with me or involuntarily befriending me can attest, my 2 cents are always value added. Always. So I said aloud "maybe you should just turn in your whole bag to the table." Walter did not laugh, after all, his poo was lost. But my fellow line mates snickered at poor bald Walter.

When I mentioned to the lady next to me how it was ironic that a bald man would have a problem with shampoo she said aloud "maybe it's a hair growth shampoo." People in Ohio seem to lack the ability of controlling the volume level of their voices. Funny part #2 came when an unsuspecting family with their little baby walked by the counter and my voice-modulation-impaired line mate (V.M.I.L.) yelled, "that baby should have to be turned it, it's a large carrier of liquids." The V.M.I.L. then decided to end the friendly laughter by adding "like the liquids in her diaper!"

Oh dear. It's funny when people go out of their way to embarrass others in public. That is unless it's you. People all want to be celebrities but in reality there is nothing as discomforting as having a large group of people pay attention to you when it's beyond your control. That's why tripping or falling sucks because your first thought immediately isn't how much your faceplant hurted but it's because you become embarrassed. You become so embarrassed that you try to act totally cool and say things like "That's okay, that didn't hurt, my ear always bleeds like that. I like it like that. It's cool."

1 comment:

Whitney said...

Even though VMIL may have been kidding about the kid, I actually tricked my friend recently into believing that before I got on the plane they made everyone use the bathrooms to 'empty out all their liquids'. I told him that when they mean no liquids, they mean NO liquids! And then he repeated this to co-workers.