Sunday, July 23, 2006

IMAX

New York is so great that it has seemingly two of everything. We have two baseball teams, two football teams, at the time two towers for the WTC, and two locations that claim to be the original John's Pizza. But for whatever reason we only have one IMAX theatre. Oh the humanity. Well to be clear only one that play normal movies (i.e. Superman).

The other IMAX is a part of the Museum of Natural History. But that one is lame, it just plays random shit. Is it some law that all IMAX's have to play some random nonsense about space and animals? First of all, all nature shows need to get past lions and cheetahs. They've been milking those two animals from day one. It's like some producer for Animal Planet is thinking somewhere "Dang it, I have no idea which animals to film anymore....and it's so diifficult to get those tiny cameras to dig inside ant hills.... okay okay, let's just film some lions on the Serengeti again."

While we're at it, how is it possible that nature cameras always seem to catch random animal huntings. I've taken pictures of animals before and never once did I film a hawk spontaneosly clubbing a seal. If I were some defenseless prey, I would start running (or swimming or flying) the moment I saw a cameraman. A random camerman in my habitat could only mean trouble. NEWSFLASH CUTE LITTLE DEER ABOUT TO GET MAULED, nature shows don't pull in high ratings by watching animals prance around on screen for 60 minutes unscathed. The only place that happens is on movies like "Madagascar" or "Finding Nemo," and the last time I checked, that shit was animated. Hell, even Bambi's mom died. Bambi's mom! I bet you Walt Disney pulled some strings to make that happen on screen.

But I digress. IMAX theatres in general are never used to their full potential. At the most when they grow weary of space and animals, there is always some show about volcanoes or China (with an obligatory fly-over shot of the Great Wall). I'm sorry, but much like lions and cheetahs, China is getting a bit played out too. I don't know who made China the darling country of IMAX, but they need to start seriously reassessing that one. For all I know it's probably the same guy who made the China film for Disneyland's Circle-vision theater like 20 years ago. I remember going to it as a kid and continuously turning around and around to see all the screens until I felt sick. That was the first time I had experienced getting sick by the Chinese. Years later it would be on account of the cooking quality at Sen Hai restaurant

That being said I was sitting at home the other day and they showed an IMAX film about Mexico. I mean it was nice and all, but definitely not IMAX-worthy. Seeing some churches and huge-ass sombreros doesn't really warrant surround sound and high definition coverage.

Maybe stereo sound at best.

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