There are times when a rudderless life is suddenly given direction. There are times when your life comes into focus after dancing on the periphery of cloudiness. I have just had one of those moments.
For years now I've been writing this blog rather aimlessly, as you all know. A comment about desis here, a view on Sino-Russian political hagglings there, but never anything that has spurned me on to real action. Okay, so to be clear, I haven't been writing for years at all... more like 6 months. Work with me. But to be fair, writing for you people has felt like years.Anyhoo, much like the foxtrot, allow me to take a step back before we move two steps forward. Some time ago my friend pointed out that I should "totally" talk to the person who runs a website "Love & Haterade" because we seem to be very similar (editor's note: valley girl lexicon of "totally" has been added purely for emphasis). From what I can gather, the writer in question is brown, from the the DC-area, and in her mid-20s. So I happily obliged and replied, saying I liked her website and thought it was funny, which I actually do think. Basically along with various rants she puts writes down new things she loves and hates. Cute, real cute. However after my heartfelt comment, I got no response whatsover. This is poor poor form.
But from the ashes of this e-dissing, I have a new mission in life, to be singled out as one of her daily sources of hate. I know this is a lofty goal, but it's crazy enough that it just might work. As with any good war plan I figured I should draft some rules of engagement to help provide dignity to my cause. Furthermore it will help you, the reader, to see that I am being guided by a code of ethics.
Rules of Engagement
- I shall never explicitly ask her to be added to her "hate list." This would show a lack of dignity on my part AND more importantly it would diminsh the integrity of her list (hence making my mission less meaningful)
- All my posts shall be made under the pseudonym (or nombe de plume if you prefer) of "General Tatti." The pure joy of seeing her write at some point in the near future "I Hate General Tatti" is too funny to even comprehend. Much like the space/time continuum.
- On my profile I shall refer my URL to another one of mine, "http://mytatti.blogspot.com" which I randomly reserved a long time back... this helps push forward the tatti theme.
- I shall never be malicious or just outright mean . This isn't really out of any moral obligation but I think it would be funnier to have someone hate "me" without being able to point at one truly mean thing written. That is true comic genius. In the Art of War Sun Tzu says "100 victories in 100 battles is not the most skillful. Seizing the enemy without fighting is the most skillful." I couldn't have said it better myself, even if all my words had to be translated from Chinese.
- I shall begin my interactions by appearing to be friendly yet a little bit eccentric, akin to Borat in many ways. (if you're doing a college thesis on this, use this link instead)
- The goal is to be named on the hate list within 2 months. This of course is subject to re-evaluation. After all, the girl may decide not to post anything on her blog during this time period and I'll be locked out from achieving my goal. (although judging from her history, it seems as though she does in fact blog regularly)
Let the war begin. Konichiwa bitches. It's sooo on.