Saturday, May 27, 2006

Homeland Security & You

Any loyal citizen knows that one thing they must always protect is their homeland, and the security thereof. Now I know some of you would take this statement to mean that I'm implying that one has to fight wars in far-off lands. No, no, no. That's totally missing the point. Stop being so dramatic. Sheesh. You can defend your homeland right in the comfort of your own backyard!

Every night random groups of desis gather on the waterfront next to my building and talk loudly well into the night. As such I feel like it is my no, my duty to do something about this. Now some of you are probably thinking to yourselves "Shakes, surely you decided to do the mature and civil thing and bring this up at your apartment association meeting to discover a civil solution to this horrible problem, right?"


Well not really. Over the last month I've taken a bit of a more of a dramatic solution. Two words: Super Soaker. When I hear a crowd gather at night, I shut off the lights in my apartment, open the window, and spray the crowd of night time revelers with water. The winner and still champion, me. Okay so maybe some questions needs to be answered regarding my behavior and the intended targets:
  • Isn't it true that most of the people that you're "defending against" actually live in your buildings and are really not invaders at all?
    • Possibly
  • Are they really making so much noise that you cannot sleep at night?
    • Well, not really, but that misses the point. It's the principle of the matter.
  • Is this just an elaborate excuse to spray people with water?
    • Noooo.
  • Not that it should make a difference, but why are you attacking other desis, when you yourself are a desi?
    • I'm sorry but I'm color blind. Pardon me for not being racist like the person making these question. I believe all people are God's children for the most part.
  • But Shakes you're the one making up these questions
    • You shut up when you talk to me.
Clearly some may not subscribe to my behavior, but let the record show if we have the right to invade other countries for no reason, then obviously I'm not wrong. Remember, people like plants deserve to be watered.


Menagerie said...

haha, 'people like plants deserved to be watered', thats one helluva line :)

Shwetha said...

now now shakes, you must give a good 'account' of your self. spraying fellow desis .... hmm might i suggest an alternative to water...




Shakes said...

oh dear me, are u on IM by any chance?