Tuesday, April 25, 2006

"I heard there's a DMV between North & South Korea too..."

My tour of undersireable places continues with recent my trip to the DMV. Ah yes the pomp, the pagentry, the smell of McDonalds food. The DMV is truly a feast for the senses. Now there has been more than enough written about the Department of Motor Vehicles throughout the annals of time and clearly no one ever accused it of being a model of efficiency or pleasureable experiences. But the fact is I actually have sympathy for the people who work there. They're not all useless bastards.

The reality is that you too would be jaded if you had to deal with the shmucks who roll into the front door. My favorite part was the guy who had Kanye's "Gold Digger" as his ringtone when his "Boo" called him. That's just classic. Plus have you seen the types of things people try to use as forms of identification? I had gone there to renew my car registration (more on that later) and the guy in front of me and clerk were engaged in the following convo:
[stage notes: in the background a public service poster saying "Only a chicken doesn't look both ways before crossing the street" is pasted behind the counter]
Clerk: Sir I need some proper ID
Guy: Here you go (handing over two items)
Clerk: Sir, this is not going to work. This is a library card. It's not an approved form of ID. Also this letter, it's just a postcard..and it's not even postmarked.
Guy: But that's where I live! Why would I just write some address on a random postcard? The library is near it too. That's where the cards comes in.
Clerk: Uhhh...

Let's be honest, everyone has tried to cut a line or get away withless than perfect documentation at some point in their lives at the DMV. If you're in Indian and you're thinking to yourself "I've never set foot in a DMV before and I have a license" well there's a reason that you gave a 100 Rupee note to a driving official...

As a total aside why is it that the DMV's in Jersey always seem to be frequented by drunkards?

Anyhoo I'm no economist, well actually I majored in that, but that's neither here nor there, but there is something seriously wrong with the DMV's pricing. The point of my whole trip was to renew my car registration, a form which I had never received in the mail. As it turns out the registration was a year late in dues. This is not good. Now the yearly cost for my car is $56, so you'd think that the price for last year's past dues PLUS the the upcoming year PLUS plus any penalty, would amount to something over $112 (56 x 2, for your geniuses out there). Wrongo. My total cost was only $99.

Somehow I had gotten a discount for having an expired registration. I can't make this stuff up. It's funny because it's true. That's why it's comedy. If it wasn't funny I would just be a stand-up Tragedian. But I'm not, so you just shut up.Now if I was being reasonable and less humorous I would simple rationalize this pricing inefficiency on account of the fact that if I had gotten a ticket with an expired registration the penalty would have more than exceeded this amount. But my job is not to inform, it's to poke humor.

At this point, some guy who runs a DMV blog will proceed make a lenthy comment, ala my USPS experience. Oh well, I guess this blog will have to be informative again. Shiznauts.

Remember kids, Keep It Gully. Keep It Gully.
("gully" is hindi for "street".... so basically I've been Keeping It Gully since 1978)


witnee said...

DMV is rarely fun, Dane Cook says they should have someone jump out and punch you in the face right when you enter so then waiting in line isn't really all that bad.

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