Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Google me baby one more time

In a previous post I had made a rather blase comment about how people who Google themselves may be a bit vain. The reality of course is that we've all done it. But an even bigger problem isn't with us (or me, specifically), it's with Google. The fact that Google tracks down every random reference to you that has ever existed on the internet is like having your skeletons in a proverbial e-closet readily available to anyone in the world. 24hrs a day. Usually I like to mock others,which makes things funnier, but in this case I need to point the finger at myself.

Googling my own name results in the usual smattering of random college references and whatnot, but whether I like it or not, for the rest of my natural life the number one search result that appears is some horrible Indian marriage website that my aunts had put me on without my knowledge several years ago. It's terrible. The worst part is it's like some short bio-data/testemonial which I DID NOT write. I mean look at it, I don't talk like this:

Hi, I am Shekhar (picture coming soon!).... I have completed B.A. (Economics) and B.A. (Political Science). I am a US Citizen and well settled in U.S.A. My entire family is well educated and we are all living in USA. I am a C.K.P. Maharashtrian. Presently, I am working as an Associate Marketing Manager in a reputed bank in New York. My hobbies are music, golf, attending concerts and travelling. I had played an active role in Social Organizations.
This is horrible. "I" sound like such a tool! This whole thing sounds like I'm having an imaginary conversation with random people who should happen to stumble upon this site. This becomes even more ridiculous when I picture myself saying this in a bar (anyone who knows me actually knows this scenario would never happen, but work with me here).

First of all, I would never tell someone "hey there, I'm a US Citizen." Not only is it a weird thing to say, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work. Secondly apparently I'm very concerned with establishing the fact that I'm "well educated" and "well settled." I don't know what "well settled" even means. Does it mean settled in the sense of like the pilgrims (by the way, why do we always say "the pilgrims" and not just "pilgrims") ? Are there people who are badly settled?

Also I have no idea what an "Associate Marketing Manager is," there is no such job title. The most classic/tragic line is "I am working...in a reputed bank in New York." I think what my aunts meant to say was "reputeable," NOT "reputed." Reputed makes it sound like I'm saying "Hi I allegedly work in a bank that may or may not be located in New York."

But wait, it gets worse. Why would "I" capitalize "Social Organizations." It makes it sound like I'm donating time to the UN or something. How can "attending concerts" be considered a hobby. That's equivalent to saying "hi, I'm Shekhar, I like going outside and doing things".... this is sorta funny too because anyone who knows me knows that sometimes I don't like going out.

Like I said, the real problem is that I have no idea how to remove my name from this website. I think it's sorta stuck forever. Moreover how could my over enthusiastic, but well meaning, aunts imagine that this was ever going to help me find someone? On the contrary this will banish me into a world of solitude for decades to come. That being said, it's not like some of you don't have embarrasing things. One of you, I shall not name names, in a bio stated that you found a high school math class to be a "great source of amusement." Oh good god.


Shwetha said...

"woh, we will have to be finding our dear shakoo a nice girl now".... muhahahah muhahaah

dripping with sarcasm

Shakes said...

oh good god.... do i know you?

arati said...

Oh, my god! I laughed so hard at this.