Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Bathrooms in Manhattan (aka Tatti Quest in the City)

In my ongoing quest to create a legacy for myself, I was thinking the other day of what would be the most useful thing ever. I came up with these thoughts
  • procedures to actually do "cold" fusion
  • a perpetual motion machine
  • a device that would automatically skin the fur off of racoons
  • OR... a map/list of areas around Manhattan that gave the best places to find a clean bathroom if you really had to go.

Clearly the last one was the most useful and easiest to do. Plus have you ever tried messing with those people from PETA? They're a bunch of animals. I heard that PETA advocates will discourage people from wearing fur by actually going up to them and spray-painting their fur coats! This is terrible!...that's just poor form. I mean it's not as if I goto the zoo or something and go around spray-painting all the animals.

In any case I thought that people are always finding themselves having to go to the bathroom at inopportune times and what could be better than a list of bathroom recommendations? It's handy AND useful. If the list grows to be long enough, I'll set aside it's own blog just for bathroom comments in Manhattan (I already reserved http://mytatti.blogspot.com)

Perhaps in the future people can send me camera pictures of the bathrooms in question and write a small review. The goal of course is to locate the true Holy Grail of Bathrooms...places where as a guy you would feel comfortable doing both #1 AND/OR #2. (sadly for girls they are not able to be discerning in this matter because the logistics required for both actions is remarkably similar)

By the way, Starbucks do not count as "hidden gems." Everyone already knows about that. We've all used their facilities without buying a beverage or treat at some point in our lives.

Here let me start:

  • Midtown - Grand Central Station food court, lower floor. Sometimes gets crowded but they're relatively easy to get to and seeminly clean (at least the men's are). VERDICT: only if you're doing #1
  • West Village - Washington Square Park. This is most ideal at night time, but you can pee around the benches on the south side of the square with little chance of getting noticed. VERDICT: only if you're doing #1
  • Times Square - Virgin Records. Warning this is only if you are really desperate. This is truly a public restroom in every sense of the word. It's difficult to get to (bottom floor by the "New Age" music) and based on my observations in the men's room, there are only 2 stalls and one functioning urinal. This is really a tatti scene here. But if you gotta go, then you gotta go. VERDICT: only if you're doing #1
  • 34nd & 6th - Macy's. A little difficult to get to since it's on the top floor, but once you get there it's very non-stress public facility. VERDICT: #1 AND #2
Feel free to comment and add your own thoughts and I'll post them properly and periodically update the list.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Back from Miami (Ultra Music Fest)

I just flew back in from spending the weekend in Miami, where I went with my cousin Vivek to see the Ultra Music Fest (electronica super fest) along with 50,000+ of our closest friends. Alas now I can claim the valuable street cred that I so badly need because I gotto see a ton of dj's I like, live. I've included pics below, but this weekend wasn't just about listening to house, drum&bass, jungle, and trance. I also learned some valuable nuggets of wisdow. For example:

  • I could never live in Miami
  • It is bio-physcially impossible for many of the people who live in South Beach to exist in the natural world
  • The reason that so many ravers (especially girls) suck on pacifiers is NOT because of some weird fetish, but rather when they do E it makes them want to chew a lot and it prevents them from biting their own tounge
  • For some strange reason people snort Vicks like there is no tomorrow, I have no clue why and mistakenly thought that there were just a LOT of people who had congested noses. Someone pointed out that it had something to do with doing E, but couldn't offer an explanation, perhaps Google or Wikipedia knows...
Okay, now that I got that out of the way, here is who i saw, in order:
  • Mark Lewis
  • Danny Howells
  • Robby Rivera
  • Infected Mushrooms (live set, mainly Goa trance)
  • Darren Emerson (formerly of Underworld)
  • Hernan Cattaneo
  • Erick Morillo (best set of the night by far)
  • Paul Oakenfold (what a servant boy, he played a tatti set)
  • Carl Cox (the premier house dj, he was brilliant)
  • The Prodigy (it's fun when they curse)
  • Paul Van Dyk (good but uninspired set)
  • BT (if you haven't heard his classic remix of Tori Amos's "Blue Skies" then I'll put it on my next podcast)
  • Armand Van Helden
  • Photek (hardcore drum and bass)
  • Danny Tenaglia (played great hard house)
And here are some pictures to feast your eyes on, remember you can always click on them to enlarge:



Desi pride is alive and well in Miami






...the ravers are a classy bunch...Oddly enough we had the pleasure of running into the guy who brought these blow-up dolls like 3 times, which is with every annoying person, you keep bumping into them. But if you lose someone in your group, odds are that you will never randomly see them






The Prodigy takes the main stage in the evening








Paul Van Dyk








Danny Tenaglia in the his own tent








wickedly cool pic: you can't call it a rave unless there are people twirling glow-sticks






The Voyage Home...it's a cool pic out the window of my Continental flight (flight # CO539, for the record) back to New York...and fitting since most early trance and electronica CD's have some picture of a plane or the sky on their jewel case covers...

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I would do anything for love, but I won't do Meatloaf

I often find myself thinking a lot about Meatloaf. The singer, not the food. A song which stuns me everytime I think about it is "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)". The number one question that comes to mind is "what is THAT???" There are numerous claims as to what THAT is, ranging from letting go of a relationship to dying emotionally.

But all these questions really miss the point. The real issue is this: "What do you mean you won't do THAT? How do you even have a choice?". I mean have you ever actually stared at Meatloaf? Look at him. I don't want to sound mean or anything but this guy is no Cary Grant (but then again who is?). Of all the people in the world who can be picky about love, Meatloaf is certainly not one of them. How can Meatloaf be in any position of leverage to determine his love situation or how he gets love? On the contrary Meatloaf should actually look to get love wherever and however he can.

Now perhaps you're a big Meatloaf fan and I've just offended you. You're sitting there, reading this on your computer with your Meatloaf shirt on, gazing longingly at a signed Meatloaf concert poster...and you're thinking "Shekhar, you shmuck, can't you at least see a little bit of desireability in Meatloaf? He has inner beauty. Loads of it."

The answer is still a resounding No.
I often sing at work the line "I would do anythiiiing for looove, but I won't doooo Meatloaf." Others at work agree on my artistic lyric change.

But that being said, let's assume that Meatloaf isn't totally repulsive, how is it possible that he could name only ONE thing that he would not do? Would he really do ANYTHING for love but just not one measly THAT? I would be shocked if this were really true. I know I have a pretty active imagination compared to most people but I could think of a lot scenarios that I would not want to do for love. Let's just say that one of the them involves a giraffe, a slinky, and an ironing board.

If he really wanted a truthful song, he should've simply written "I would do anything for love, but I won't do these following things..." and then the rest of the song would be a list of random non-love worthy things. For example:

  • the aforementioned scene with a giraffe, slinky, and ironing board
  • paying for a First Class ticket on a domestic flight lasting less than 3 hours
  • dropping a baseball off the edge of the John Hancock building in Chicago
  • sprinting around Central Park wearing jeans during summer
  • wearing white after Labor Day

... and so on and so forth. I think you get the picture. Mayhapsly I'm a bit off base by saying all this, but objectively speaking I can confidently say that I'm right. Any rational actor (in the purely economical sense) would agree.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I have a dream... and then I woke up


When I started thinking about writing a blog my vision wasn't to be one of those people who put their deepest fears, thoughts, and emotions on some webpage so that everyone else can see. What a waste. What a bunch of nonsense. Instead I wanted a place to give my random meaningless musings a larger stage for observation and univeral praise and approval...that being said I thought I would share a dream I had last night with you.

As of late (i.e. the last 4 or 5 years) I really don't remember my dreams very well. I swear most nights I don't have them and the other nights that I do it seems nebulous at best. I mean I'll wake up in the middle of the night and just think "whoa...a cow, some asteroids, and a windmill...what was that all about?"

Well last night was a slight exception. I dreamt that I was with my brother and two other people in a field and we were playing cricket. For some reason we decided to play 2 on 2. For anyone who has ever tried to play cricket with a few number of people, it's an exercise in futility. Basically everytime I hit the ball we had to wait forever for someone to run and get the ball and come back. After about 5-10minutes (in DST, or Dream Standard Time) I started to get bored. I even started thinking to myself "Man, this is boring, I think this is a dream." So I put the bat down and walked away. Everyone else started yelling "where are you going? what are you doing?" and I replied "this is boring, this is just a dream." They all nodded in agreement. And then BLAMMO, I woke up.

It WAS in fact just a dream. I think this makes me the only person in recorded human history (I think) to have actually gotten bored in their own dream. I bored myself awake. If dreams are insightful riddles that provide hints to your normal conscious life, then my dream basically said "man you're boring" OR "man, you should play cricket with more people." I like to think that it meant the latter. The problem with normal conscious life is that if it ever gets dull you can't wake up from that. You're just sorta stuck there.

Okay, no more dream talk. I'm done now.

Monday, March 20, 2006

if Yan can do it so can yoooou

I know many of you look at me as a role model of sorts. You think "hey Shekhar, you have wacky adventures such as how you goto work all day, but how can I have super crazy things to happen in my life??"

The answer of course is that you're kinda screwed. There's nothing that you can do to help your world out...

BUT what can you do is make your ordinary events seems a lot more exciting. A pretty cool website is called ChatFu (http://chatfu.com) which takes your IM conversations and makes them into cartoons.

Here's one between my friend Whitney & I. Whit is played by the Sullen Robot and I am portrayed by the Enigmatic Monkey.

Click here to see it clearly: http://chatfu.com/p/e89cfaa8085109ea



See, just like that, your life appears more interesting. Presto.

...and we're back

Just got back from LA and my friend's wedding and while I'm quite tired I thought I'd put up a picture of two. Aside from having Moby on our flight back just now (for your info, he used Louis Vutton bags and I think they both larger than the acceptable carry-on size) The most notable events:

1) Sitting next to a lady who drank straight vodka on our flight to LA, put her feet up on top of the seat in front of her (oddly enough her daughter's seat) in some weird display of flexibility, and passed out on me

2) getting humped by my dog Kobe on Friday morning











3) eating mom's home cooking (shrimp is key)











4) hanging out in Huntington Beach, where I grew up (thats' where the whole "HB" from "HBshakes comes from)












5) Watching Nate get progressively drunker and drunker at the reception.


drinks 1-5....the salute










...drinks 5- 10...one flower on the right ear










...drinks 10-???...double flower action











6. Making food art.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

wedding presents & me

Hello, I'm back in California for the 2nd time in as many months for a wedding. I flew in on Thursday and leave tomorrow (today really) on Sunday. The point isn't for me to tell you that I'm here, but rather something which I've decided...

After doing yet another bridal registry and gift purchase, I find it odd and highly unsatisfying to buy people bed linens, steak knives, or random cooking pots. When, and if, I ever get married I don't want any gifts of that sort. I don't want kitchen products, I don't want things for my bedroom, and I most certainly don't want cooking pots.

Instead what I want is for each guest to bring 2 cd's (or dvd's) that they think me and my bride would like. The reason I say 2 and not 1 is because if i just say "hey bring me a cd" no one would really do it because they'd think I was joking and they would get me the aforementioned kitchen/cutlery items from above. But since I said a specific number "you WILL bring 2 cd's" then people will feel compelled to get it. Moreover the end result is receiving some well thought-out, personal gifts. Also it would be a massive boon for my music collection (minus any duplicates and crap cd's such as friends who felt the need for me to have the collective B-sides of Styx).

Now the most obvious criticism to this is people who will say "Shekhar, how can you make this decision, your wife has a say in this too you know." And the answer is pretty simple: the person who would be my wife would be the sort who would agree to this.

The fact of the matter is that I've sorta thought for a long time now that I don't really want any gifts for my wedding. It strikes me as odd. By the way, any person who steals this wedding music idea of mine will receive severe punishment. I will shoot you. It's my idea. You cannot have it.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

DJ Shakes_2006-03-15

http://hbshakes.blogspot.com

Round 6. This mix is pretty much strictly rock and I guess it's loud and angry. Hopefully you enjoy and if not well don't forget that you're getting this free...or in any case try again next week. The first song is for my friend Tyler and Kim who are moving from the NYC to San FranDisco. I hope everyone is well.

TRACKLISTING (approx 74 min)

1. Scott McKenzie - San Francisco
2. Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of
3. Vast - Touched
4. Tool - Eulogy
5. Audioslave - Don't Remind Me
6. The Toadies - Possum Kingdom
7. Veruca Salt - Seether
8. The Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
9. Johnny Cash - Hurt (NIN cover)
10. Nick Cave - Into My Arms
11. U2 - Exit
12. Radiohead - Creep
13. Nirvana - Lithium
14. Prodigy - Breathe
15. Breeders - Cannonball
16. Smashing Pumpkins - Rhinoceros
17. Sunny Day Real Estate - 8
18. Sonic Youth - Sunday
19. Badly Drawn Boy - Silent Sigh

no word from Cafe Tatti

I know everyone is waiting at the edge of their seats on this one, but this far, there has been no response from Cafe Tatti. (http://hbshakes.blogspot.com/2006/03/cafe-tatti_12.html)

Please be patient in this time of cutting edge journalism.

In the meantime here is a picture of the 10yr UST movements over the past 6 months. Why did I post this graph? I dunno, but this is stuff that I look at everyday and this graph makes me just as excited as child on Christmas Day. No, seriously. I jest you not.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Tattistics: the Tatti Discount Factor (TDF)

One good way of being able to spread your influence amongst loved ones and enemies is making phrases and words that are catchy and other people use.

One of my bestest ones was "SIGs," an acronym standing for Shady Indian Guys. I made this one up upon arriving in NY after college and everytime my fellow brown peeps and I would go out you always see the sketchy Indian guys who wear all black and act thugged out. The reality is that I can't imagine any other ethnic group scared of an Indian gang. As a result Indian guys at a party will always (and invariably) start a fight with another group of Indian guys. This is a desi social rule. Every party must end early because a drunken belligerent crew of SIGs (usually with the awkward short member too) doesn't like the way someone else was looking at their leather jackets. Inconceivably in the mix there is always one desi girl yelling on the side because her dearest Romeo, or rather Rahul, is about to get his face turned into the insides of a samosa. (check out that visual poetry Shashi Tharoor, I'm biting at your heels as far as great modern Indian writers go)

But I don't need to tell you something you probably already know. My newest stroke of genius is the Tatti Discount Factor (TDF). Tatti, as you'll all recall from my earlier posting means shit. Anyone who practices any sorta modeling or statistical application will tell you that the best models are ones that either describe common things you observe in the world around you or provide results which seem intuitively correct but hadn't really been articulated before. That's what the TDF seeks to do.

Dumb people do dumb things. That what friends are for. If no one ever did dumb things there would be little to talk about in the world except competitive curling and Kant's "veil of ignorance" that he promoted with respect to the concept of the categorial imperative. In short, life would be boring, unless you subscribe to Aristotle's notion that there is an Ends to every action that is ultimately selfish in some ways and hence a boring life is just leading you to an existence for your own promotion of glory. Exciting, aye? Of course Thomas Hobbes would just say "Bah humbug, life is short, nasty and brutish, biaaatches."

But I digress.

Dumb people do dumb things, and at some point a really weird person doing something mildly unexpected isn't as crazy as a serious person having a brief lapse of stupidity. It's all relative. Hence each person you/we know has their own Tatti Discount Factor or TDF.

This is the span of a whole new array of math and sciences.
This is Tattistics.

For example, my friend Amit who is globetrotting for the next 6 months (http://sinhatravel.com/blog) has a big screen TV at home which he never uses. Instead he "reads". Whatever. Now I found out that during his trip he's been using his iPod to watch episodes of Lost. He may be the only person who prefers a 2-inch screen versus a 42-inch one.

Wacky? Yes.
Uncanny for Amit? No.

The reality is that Amit has a pretty high TDF. One of the highest ones out there. On a scale of 100, he may be in the high 80s. I like to take pride in myself that I'm in the low 40s. Maybe even 39. Is this just a case of an author (me) taking liberties to make himself look cooler in front of the adoring masses (you) in the absence of a forum that provides for a true rebuttal? Of course not, that would just be uncouth.

So I encourage you, find a friend or loved one, and practice this Tattistics in real life. Give them their own TDF. It's fun. Everyone is doing it. In fact if people were rated by Zagats, like restaurants are, one of the scales that they should judge people on would include their TDF.

For example:

"Shekhar Karnik [TDF: 39]
- Comfortable in large groups, but just as suitable for smaller gatherings. Reservations in advance are recommended, but not vital. Dress is smart, but casual. Beware of loud music. Goofy, but not crazy in the head from a medical perspective."

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Cafe Tatti

Today we shall play a game called "Shekhar teaches Hindi." I am your host, Shekhar. For anyone who has been around me lately over the past year or so, my favorite word has been "tatti"...as in "what a tatti" or "you tatti" or "look, it's tatti".

Tatti (pronounced "tut-tee") means shit. So the exclamation "what a tatti!" works out to mean "what a piece of shit"...except not in a mean spirited way, but rather in a more nice, happy, endearing way akin to someone saying in a jovial tone "oh snap, you silly piece of shit"

If you google "tatti" you get 689,000 website hits and for me it's extremely funny that one of them is for a quaint DC-area eatery called Cafe Tatti (www.cafetatti.com). If there was any semblance of an actively vocal Indian community in the region it would only be a few seconds until the proper health inspectors and authorities were notified of such a scandelous place. Afterall, who would want to dine at a place called Cafe Shit?

To add insult to injury, Cafe Tatti is a Greek place, which almost gives a funny idea of thinking that somewhere on the cutting room floor for the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" there's a scene with an Indian guy and the Greek dad that goes something like this:

Indian guy: You are a tatti
Greek guy: Tatti?
Indian guy: Yes
Greek guy: 'Tatti' that is Greek!

Sadly for you Mr. Kalpos, the owner of Cafe Tatti, the Indian fellow is calling you a piece of dung. In response to this weird turn-of-wordplay-events, I thought I should do my duty as a concerned citizen and lifelong member of the human race by emailing the owners of this Cafe Tatti. I figured they would want to be informed of why the Indian members of the community haven't quite embraced their beloved Cafe Shit in the manner that their Greek bretheren have. So I wrote this on Friday:

To: cafetatti@aol.com
From: disco_fly@hotmail.com [editor's note: that's me]
Date: March 10, 2006

Hello, I hope all is well.
I didn't know if you knew but in hindi the word "tatti" means dung. It just seems curious that you would name your establishment after such a thing. I don't know if you have ever had this brought to your attention or not, but I thought that on behalf of many Indians I would at least inform you of this.
Thank you and I hope the new year finds you in good health
- SK
Thus far I haven't received a response yet, but I'm sure they're all quite pleased about my feedback. Quiiiite. I did notice that since the email address is an AOL one that I could add them to my AOL Instant Messanger buddy list. I have indeed done so and attempts to chat with them have been thwarted by the fact that they haven't logged on.

I will of course keep you posted on any further developments.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Again by popular demand...


Okay I'm reposting this, this is the easiest way to subscribe to my podcast... you can click on the linko to the right (the orange one) or just open up iTunes (or whatever mp3 managing program that you use, and simply do this:

1. click on Advanced
2. click on Subscribe to Podcast
3. paste this URL
http://feeds.feedburner.com/EngineEngine9

The files will upload automatically everytime I add new files. Thus when you synch your iPod (or mobile device thingy) it will be there waiting...just check the directory periodically, or when you see activity on this site.It's really that simple!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Things I Hate # 125: Elevator Chatter

If there's one thing I hate, it's racism. If there are two things that I hate it's racism and elevator conversations. I absolutely abhor people who use elevator-time as a quick work meeting with people they happen to bump into. If there is no one else in the elevator, that's one thing, but if there are other captive riders with you then it means you are inviting random people into your personal meeting.



Elevators were invented as a form of vertical transportation, not as a mobile conference room. In the presence of large groups of people elevator-time should be spent in quiet contemplation and introspection, not as a planning session with the poor guy who happened to hop on at the 5th floor.


The worst is when people say something to this effect "Hey Bob, nice to see you, did you see this article in the Journal about how your entire coverage sector is coming to an end, you really should read it...oh it's my floor, bye!" Blammo, they're gone. Just like that. Now poor Bob is left in a cramped room of strangers who are all wondering two things:

1. Why did that person jump on the elevator for going down just one floor?
2. Bob is sooo screwed. And he didn't read the Journal. Double blammo.


Will this message make people's lives better? Probably not. But if it just changes the behavior of just one person then I will live a happier life.

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Living The Dream

There was a guy at work I used to sit next to, Brian, and every day that we'd arrive at work at 7:15am and at night when we left, we would simply utter the phrase "we're living the dream" with a smile. I don't sit next to him anymore but in the 5+ years that I've known Brian I think he has never left work before 10pm. Hence for those of you who are a bit obtuse, the comment drips with an appropriate amount of sarcasm.

Sometimes during our daily existence I think all of us are struck with moments of utter lucidity/insanity when we ponder the possiblities of dropping everything we're doing and traveling around the world. These thoughts are instantly squashed though when you start pondering that without a job you wouldn't be able to support your $13 deli lunch at Dishes (Mangia is soooo last year) or if you live outside of Manhattan...perish the thought...think of another reasonably adequate substitute, like hmm, what do people outside of Manhattan eat for lunch... TGI Friday's.

In any case my friend Amit, who does/did the same thing I do, has done just that, throwing all responsibility and rationality to the wind and embarking on a massive 6 month, 6 continent journey. You can track all of his travels at his little blog http://SINHATRAVEL.COM

It's pretty cool. It's basically a good way of living vicariously through someone who is doing what we all wouldn't mind doing.

Furthermore what's highly enjoyable is that with each of his adventures and corresponding posted updates you can respond, which you will see I've taken the high liberty of doing. Mocking someone in a personal email is funny; mocking someone in front of others is sheer comedic genious. For those of you who are actually still reading this and the smaller number who are actually going to goto the link because I told you so, you will notice that I begin most of my comments to him with the word "tatti," which is a happy Hindi word that is synonymous with dung.

Anyhoo the point of this posting is not so much to be a random link to someone else's travel log, but rather point out that people actually do the things you dream about in your head... and for the love of god, get your mind out of the gutter, that line was supposed to be inspirational.

Sunday, March 5, 2006

DJ Shakes_2006-03-05

http://hbshakes.blogspot.com

Holla at your boy! It's the 5th mix. This mix is all hip-hop, some new some old.

T R A C K L I S T I N G

1. Intro - Shekhar's only claim to fame
2. Pete Rock & CL Smooth - Straighten It Out
3. Lil Brother - Lovin' It
4. Denizen Kane - Another Life
5. k-os - The Love Song
6. 9th Wonder & Buckshot - He's Back
7. Common - 6th Sense
8. Blackstar - Brown Skin Lady
9. The Supremes - Where Did Our Love Go?
10. The Streets - Turn The Page
11. Lou Reed - Walk On The Wild Side
12. Tribe Called Quest - Can I Kick It?
13. Brand Nubien - Concerto In X Minor
14. Dr. Dre - Nuthin' But A "G" Thing
15. Jarnail vs. Dr. Dre - Nachna
16. k-os - Man I Used To Be
17. Mary J. Blige & Lauryn Hill - All That I Can Say
18. DeBarge - All This Love
19. AZ - Problems
20. MF Doom & Talib Kweli - Old School
21. Denizen Kane - Killa Killa


My shameless plug of the day is that the artist Denizen Kane is my friend from school, Dennis, who just released a new solo which is great (you can get it on Amazon). I put two of his new songs on the mix, one at the beginning the other at the end. I don't profess to have any artistic skills so I just live vicariously through those that I know who do. As far as hidden gems I love song #17, the Mary J Blige/Lauryn Hill song "All That I Can Say" it's just a slow roller I think, if get my drift... it just sorta builds up momentum and the walking bass line is to die for. Other things to die for include Chicago deep dish pizza and cherry coke.

Meanwhile thank you everyone for your support in listening. I know have a fanbase of 35 people strong who download and/or subscribe to my mixes. So thanks for listening, I appreciate it.

Thursday, March 2, 2006

is Val Kilmer the Burger King?

I was in the midst of existing in my wild and crazy life the other day when my friend Adam from Chicago called to ask me this question, "Doesn't Val Kimer with a beard look like the Burger King?" My knee-jerk response was to be highly skeptical and I said "Nooo." Val, or as we call him VK, is a respected thespian. He would never stoop so low as to peddle various meats to the adoring masses. He's Batman.

After hanging up the phone in utter rage I figured it's worth my while to do a little due dilegence by checking on the matter by using my trusty friend, The Internet. To my shock and horror, the resemblance is uncanny.

Even without his beard Val is in fact getting pudgier.... perhaps a testimonial in itself to more fast food friendly appearance.

I think the facts and pictures speak for themselves. After an epic string of Oscar worthy movies such as "Batman Forever," "Joe the King," and "Willow", VK has sold out and gone commerical. Literally. For a guy who was ranked in 1997 as the 62nd greatest movie star of all time (Empire Magazine) the fall from grace has been a swift fall rather than a steady decline.

Val we salute you and all that you have done and will consume your burgers in your time of need.